I AM that Sucker
So the circle comes round again. Set up the circus tent. The perps made a fool out of me by using V2k and a possible holograph image to get me to believe I lost my Salvation to get me to do whatever they wanted me to including nixing my old blog and getting hooked on psych drugs. Here I am again, like a bad penny some would think, and here is the outcome:
I. The Good
1. I left off much of my sinning. I had neglected praying and Bible study had only become a series of distractions. I was examining “alternatives” for my life that were sinful that I quit. I was starting very beginning Yoga and wanting to experience a Kundilini experience amongst other sins.
2. I have tried to get closer to God. I repented of every sin I could think of, started regular fasts and Bible study. (Bible Study is constantly interrupted by perp V2k telling me I’m not saved blah blah blah.) I listened to Internet Christian shows. I think it has helped a bit.
3. I pretty much gave up a very bad habit that had taken over my life again during my backsliding period. It still rears its head but I try and put it down and out of my head. I still miss it which is bad.
4. I gave up some pretty poor fashion choices like dyeing my hair jet black, blacking my nails etc…”goth” is for the under 30 set, right?
II. The Bad
1. I have lived in fear of Eternal Death ever since this happened to me. I caught the perps trying a new form of V2k on me which sort of put a crack in my fears. I heard (for the millionth time) I had lost my Salvation but the voice seemed deeper in the head, like right in the middle of the brain. It felt like a pin, like it was pinned there. Right after that I heard perps bragging about it. I kept thinking pineal gland for some reason. This is how the devil will get some people to follow him. This V2k is getting very advanced.
2. I felt bound by religious legalism such as:
A. Being scared every misstep and every sin committed meant instant Hell. I would get on my knees after saying one bad word.
B. I began to feel that the damn perps were “God’s helpers” being used to enforce His Rules, so I had to follow them–bullshit of course.
C. I was scared into silly legalisms like wearing no makeup, no earrings, wearing a head covering, etc.
III. The Ugly
1. The perps did NOT lay off despite my giving up this blog, going on the TalkShoe ti shows, and listening to Zeph Danie’ls podcasts. (they threatened hell on earth if I listened again). That podcast saved my life during the darkest days. I still will not listen to him again. I get the feeling the perps meant it that time.
2. They insert ugly thoughts about God and try to get me to praise the devil in my thoughts. I tell them no way is God fooled nor am I and that I bind that ugly thought and cast it out to the captivity to Christ.
3. The Christians I befriended online during those dark months pretty much all vanished a few months later, including one I probably revealed too much of my life to.
4. The Internet ministries I used to get me through this period and beyond were not incorruptible by perps and others. One minister humiliated me on their show and perped me later by mocking me for posting on another unrelated board, and another one started uttering anti-Semitic rants during their show out of the blue. I got the idea this minister was using the cruel rants to drive me away. Also, a fake ti, that I wrote about on my old blog followed me onto one of the shows but every time I saw her I would not log in. She acted like she had problems like mine and would post in the chat room and befriend the other Christians. Very funny. She vanished after awhile.
IV. The Very Ugly
1. Went back on psych “meds”, this time more than one kind of pill. I gained weight and got hooked on them. Psych meds are very addictive btw and should only be used by those that utterly NEED them.
2. Stopped my regular exercise due to fear.
A. I almost got run over by an 18 wheeler, swiped by a Fed Ex truck and recently, a pick up came within INCHES of hitting me on the street when he had the red light. God saved me out of all these things.
B. They were putting dead animals in my path including several cats, a dog, a mouse, and a rabbit. They also placed a sick cat on my step which I caught and took to a vet clinic. I also got a cat in heat placed at my door. Took her to the pound where she probably got fixed and adopted. (very cute).
C. I was getting nasty street theater/setups when I went out and getting lookalikes of people I knew and celebs.
D. I was exposed to and threatened by homeless man on bike path. Later, I heard he was going up an down the path talking about me to all the other homeless people. Way to go, perp. (loser).
E. I was followed by black aircraft (helis) on my walks
F. I was nearly arrested by a cop on one of my walks. For exercising, I guess.
3. Very nasty perping/street theater resumed late last year, early this year. I was treated to a complex well thought out skit at a fast food restaurant complete with fake employees and a celeb look a like talking about another celeb. I have had grocery store employees treat me poorer than ever having a few come up in my face and call me “satan” and “devil” and general harassment/following by managers at one FINE establishment. At another, the woman who runs the self checkout told another patron I had to be “watched” while I checked out. I HATE HATE HATE the ripoff joints they call supermarkets. I wish I had a farm and could grow veggies, have a dairy and livestock. Co-ops are an even bigger ripoff here. Organic snob grocery culture in full swing here. I bet they are pooping their pants because Trader Joe’s may be coming to town.
4. Psychiatrists giving me an even worse diagnosis than before and all the stigma that goes with it. I feel I may be actually be mentally ill at this point having been literally driven batshit nuts after 25 years of targetting. I do think that actual mental patients get targetted, which means you could be mentally ill and targetted at the same time. MI people are the very most vulnerable part of any population and easiest to target. Those vultures salivate at being able to destroy someone who already is mentally vulnerable but still high functioning. It’s like taking candy from a baby or stealing from the retarded. What noble “people” they are. They also target people who are homosexual, of different races, elderly, physically disabled (still remember Rena), etc. This way they can get off on the bigotry they crave by hiding behind modern day gangstalking and mind control. I’m not fooled even if others are.
V. So Now What
1. I have no idea. The very idea of being silenced forever and then dying scares me. With no one knowing I feel as if I’m being buried alive. I need a voice even if it’s only ‘on the net”. I’m viewed as ugly and stupid and expendable by society and even my family. I don’t want to be remembered that way. I realize in the Bible that the “last will be first”, but, I’m not even sure of my Salvation anymore. I think others besides perps should be able to see what I think. It’s been too long to be silent.
P.S. Only the perp o traitors and the ti’s that “switch” are bigger Suckers. The “good times” never last switcheroos: I blogged on this before–the perps still get you in the end.