Don’t listen to the Devil

Summer is finally here.  Next month will be my SEVENTH anniversary of hearing I “lost my salvation”.  God has never restored or reassured me that things were OK between us again even after I gave up all my bad habits, took to Bible study, even gave up pork for awhile, fasted once a week, etc….

It all started (I mean my 7 years of Backsliding) when the Devil or a demon spoke in my head (or voice to skull) saying, “it’s been 8 years since you were saved and your live has not changed.  God is ripping you off! You are still fat (this was the one), still single, still poor, still living in filth! You even got turned down for weight loss surgery! Look at this! Do you see a change???”

This was right after a rock idol of mine died and I took it way too hard after bragging to others that even if one of my rock idols dies I won’t be sad because I have Jesus now.  It was a bolt from the blue.

That very evening after I heard of his odd tragic death (they all kind of die that way don’t they?  What about Prince, Whitney Houston, and Micheal Jackson?)  I was depressed and speechless and some voice came in my ear and said that God was “ripping me off” and sort of implying I didn’t have God at all!

I responded to that voice (not having heard of talking demons or V2k) with rebellion against God.  It started small and grew.  I tried to rein myself in about a year after the death and go back on the path but I wasn’t really as serious as I was before.  I found out a former friend died in early 2005 and fell deep into sin after that.  I also found out I was a ti for real in 2005 and felt God had indeed ripped me off.  The reasoning was that if He didn’t care I wouldn’t care.  But, even though my life sucked He did care.  He removed all His blessings on my life one by one over the next 5 years until, on July 26, 2010 I heard a loud voice that vibrated my whole body tell me that I lost my Salvation. It was early in the morning when I woke up.  At first, I thought it was V2k and got over it after a day.  Then, the attacks came.  I heard voices telling me I was no good, and that God thought I was trash, I had nightmares, depression, insomnia and things got so bad I had to go to the ER with an anxiety attack in January 2011.

I had already got myself connected with Christians online to try and work this out.  At first, they told me the “devil” was talking to me and I needed to reform my behavior and come back to God. I needed to pray, fast, read the Bible, give up rock music, fantasies, my black hair, etc….  I obeyed them but things did not get better.  I even had a telephone “deliverance” where the deliverance minister said I had been set free.  But I wasn’t.  Later, I went on a fast and had a ‘revelation” that I had unconfessed  sin in my life.  I hurried home to my internet “friend” and told her and she said, THAT’S IT, now repent after me and you will be free.  But I wasn’t.

At the ER I received my first Ativan which began a benzo addiction that continues to this day.  I went dragging back to shrinks after 3 years of being free of them and also got antidepressants and a sleeping pill.  Even all drugged up I was still a mess and crying all the time.  I spent all day listening to Christian podcasts and remote deliverance shows.  By April 2011, all those Christians I met online were GONE. I began to suspect God had told them to leave me alone.

I now believe that my loss of Salvation was permanent.  Seven years is the time Job was tormented by devils then he was set free.  My life is worse than ever.

Even though I was a ti back then and heard voices I could still wear what I wanted and had more physical freedom than now.  The hatred was not so malignant, with people acting like this was a big joke.  Now people hate me for real.  I’m in bondage. I dared to wear some NAIL POLISH the perps did not like thinking it was trivial, but I paid. Nothing is off limits.  I’m even feeling physical jolts more often.  I used to be more at peace, as well, and would laugh more frequently.  Now, if I laugh, I still feel the bitterness inside.

God might have delivered me from the perps, even if partially, if I had obeyed that night and did not “mourn” my rock star.  I was “mourning” him for years, wearing only black most of the time.

Backsliding starts small and progresses like soul cancer.  I believe I even started to backslide the year before after discovering Christian Hard Rock.  I had a journal from 1998, and even though I did not overtly sin, I was very bitter and angry.  I wasn’t even walking the walk back in ’98!  Still God put up with me back then seeing I was trying my best and not in open rebellion.

The reason why I wanted to post this is that you should never ever listen to the voice of Hell telling you that you have it ill with God.  When I first backslid, I still talked to my family, could wear what I wanted and enjoyed life to a degree.  I loved God and wanted to serve Him even though my life sucked and I had “enemies” all over it seemed.  Do not listen to the damn Devil tell you God is ripping you off.  One thing I DID have before all this was I was pretty sure I was Saved.  The Devil will lie and lie to get you to rebel and Backslide until even God gives up on you.

Later for awhile, I embraced Calvinism because I thought if I got saved back then I was still saved and if I was lost I had lost nothing.  Predestination seemed to work for me.  Now I don’t know. Hyper Calvinism is going around like the Christian Flu because it appeals to the egos of the believers that think they are the “elect”.  How does anyone know for sure?

Whatever the doctrine is, I feel a sense of loss in my life now.  I used to talk to God without fear and felt a sort of friendliness I don’t feel now.  God seems to have become deaf and blind to my plight.  For years, I have tried to “make it up” to HIm, but He is not buying.  Never listen to the Devil.

BTW the dear perps are threatening me and telling me not to post this.

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ARE YOU A TI??? HERE ARE SOME SYMPTOMS OF GANGSTALKING.

What is going on?  You have been asking yourself this for months, even years…life is no longer good.

Have you been having trouble in your life lately?  Have you been bullied, marginalized, set up, slandered and generally treated horribly for some time now?  Does something seem odd about your life–not just the average trials of living?  You could be a targeted individual.  This is a revised version of a post I did in 2009 on the old blog.  There are many facets to this crime but they can be mainly separated into a few categories:

  • Organized Harassment
  • Electronic Harassment/Hands-off Torture
  • Mind Control
  • Spiritual Harassment

The nasty tricks these “perps” can use is limited only by their sick imaginations.  By a combination of street perps with handheld technology like smartphones and tablets, Directed Energy Weapons, Mind Reading Towers, The Hive Mind, Occult Curses, Spiritual Abuse and plain old bullying, the possibilities are endless.  Most targeted individuals aren’t aware of their condition and end up going the “mental health” route and get damaging psychiatric drugs while the Gangstalking and Torture continues.  That is not to say that some people may be mentally ill and having symptoms similar to the ones I will list, but if you feel you are basically functional, and especially if you had a “normal” life before the changes began, you may be a ti.  There are also targeted individuals that are actually mentally ill.  Mentally ill or physically disabled people make easier targets–a person could be “crazy” and still be a target.  I also think perps might like to go after people with high functioning Autism–people who seem normal in many ways but have lousy social skills.  I might be one of them.

These symptoms are only my opinion.  There are thousands of ti sites now.  Read a variety of them.

I.  Organized Stalking

  1. Do people seem rude or cold to you wherever you go?
  2. Are people nice at first then quit being friends?  Is it impossible to keep friends?
  3. Are you getting poor service by contractors and mechanics?  Are cars and trucks gunning their motors up and down your street, even speeding up alleys?  Are you hearing a lot of honking or EMS sirens?
  4. Is your car always breaking down?  Is your computer slow, full of viruses, or dying a premature death?
  5. Are you missing important mail?  Is your mail late?  Have you been penalized for late bills that were delivered late?  Is your mail ripped, stamped with boot marks or looking damaged regularly?  Is a little flap ripped off the top of your flap on the corner so someone can read a personal letter?
  6. Are people on the street regularly making odd gestures at you?  Are you getting “nose swipes”, people touching their hair, touching their bellies, etc…(look up Stasi Hand Signals).  Are you being ID’d by strangers to other strangers in public?  e.g….”that’s her” as they go by?
  7. Are people muttering insults as you go by or by your window?  Are perfect strangers giving you dirty looks on a regular basis?
  8. Are you losing friends and not making new ones?
  9. Are your new friends sort of weird and odd and seem to have an agenda?  Do they become very bossy and oppressive and inquisitive after a short while?
  10. Are you recently separated, divorced, or broken up with a significant other?
  11. Are you going to get some money in an inheritance?
  12. Do strangers act hateful, even threatening, around you?
  13. Do strangers try to start arguments with you in public places?  Has it ever escalated to a physical fight?  Have police been called?  Were the police automatically on the instigators side and NOT even willing to listen to you?
  14. Do drivers have their brights shining on you as you drive or walk at night?  Do cars park or position themselves to shine their lights in your window when at home or stationary, like at a bus stop?  Are you followed when driving despite many turns to lose your tail?  Do you get someone slow ahead of you in your lane especially on a two lane road and then get another driver on your tail essentially pinning you in?  Do you get it on 4 sides on the highway?  Do drivers pretend to jump out in front of you from side streets or drift towards you like they would side swipe you?
  15. Is your family acting strangely?  Are they treating you differently?  Are you being left out of family functions?  Do you feel marginalized by your family when you were important to them before?  Are you/have you always been the “black sheep” of your family on the other hand?
  16. Do co-workers you don’t like or your “ex’s” friends seem to just “show up” around town when you are out?
  17. Have you been pressed to see a psychiatrist when you make valid complaints about poor treatment?
  18. Is your boss unwilling to promote you?  Is your formerly friendly boss now suspicious of and “rides your ass” at work?  Are your hours getting cut e.g. in food service jobs?  Are your professors/teachers “grading you down” for work you have gotten a higher grade for in the past?  Do your teachers ignore your comments in class, and are rude to you out of class?
  19. Do you find odd paraphernalia left on the ground for you?  Is it usually a small coin such as a penny, nickel or dime?  Is it something that relates to your life?  Could it be perceived as a threat?  Does this happen a lot?
  20. Do people all seem to be wearing the same color clothing on certain days?  Are they wearing the color you are wearing?  Do you see cars of the same color around town on some days?  Do people wear a lot of red around you?
  21. Are you being persistently bullied at work and social activities?

This is the FIRST PART THAT WAS SAVED THE REST WAS ERASED INTO THIN AIR EVEN THOUGH IT IS SUPPOSED TO AUTO SAVE EVERY 20 SECONDS.

II.  Electronic Harassment.

  1. Are you getting sharp sting-like pains for no reason?  Do you suddenly get severe itching at night when you want to sleep?
  2. Do you get pains in the heart area without any signs of heart disease?  Do you have unexplained headaches that are not part of a physical condition?
  3. Do you have trouble sleeping?  Are you “jolted awake” just as you doze off?  Do you have nightmares on a regular basis?  On the other hand, do you sleep too much?
  4. Are you always tired after minor exertion?
  5. Have you had a sudden onset of a severe illness such as diabetes, cancer, MS, lupus where you were previously healthy and these conditions do NOT run in your family?
  6. Has your physical appearance seemed to deteriorate rapidly?  Are you prematurely aging?  Are you gaining weight quickly due to stress overeating?  Losing quickly due to extreme anxiety?
  7. Are you greying SLOWER THAN NORMAL?
  8. Do you have strange dreams with repetitive themes such as rejection?
  9. Do you have strange pain in certain areas of you body–especially at home and in certain rooms?  Have you felt the need to more your sleeping place due to lack of sleep?  Do you sleep better away from home?
  10. Do you have vertigo with no cause that lasts and lasts?
  11. Are you weaker on one side now?  Is there no explanation?
  12. Do you feel heart palpitations?/fast heartbeat?
  13. Do you catch constant “colds” or infections that run on for months and only go away as summer comes?
  14. Do you have little “accidents” at home and away?  Do you fall while walking for no reason–feeling like you were tripped or pushed down?  Do you bump into things and have lots of bruises?  Do you cut yourself accidentally and there is no PHYSICAL CAUSE FOR ANY OF THESE THINGS?
  15. Do you have dental problems where your teeth were healthy before?
  16. Do you get sexually stimulated at odd and inappropriate times and are made to feel guilty and dirty?
  17. Do you get feeling “heated up” or cooked when you think the “wrong thing” or are emotionally incited?  Do you wake up drenched with sweat at night every hour or so?

OK HERE IS PART II.

III.  Mind Control

  1. Have you started to hear “voices” that emanate inside your head, from the wall, from an appliance with a motor running like a refrigerator, fan, or heater?  Does no one else hear them.  Do they sound like people you know as in co workers, family or even friends?
  2. Have you been having intrusive thoughts, usually negative, at just the wrong time?  If you do, you will know what I mean.
  3. Are weird coincidences happening in your life where it seems you are prophetic, as in dreams, or opinions that are strange that turn out to be right?  Do you see odd combinations of numbers popping up on license plates or even the clock as you look at it?  They can be repetitive numbers usually “666” or “333” or “999” or “111”.  They can also represent dates like birth dates or death dates or other important dates like anniversaries especially if you are estranged from the person.
  4. Do you see “visions” with your eyes closed that are disturbing and negative?  Have you seen “visions” with your eyes open?
  5. Do you seem to “haunted” by dead friends, relatives, co workers, etc..in public by lookalike actors?  Do they act negative towards you? Some people even see lookalikes of dead celebrities and politicians….haven’t seen Nixon yet!
  6. Do you have  trouble concentrating on things that were easy before?
  7. Do you have some memory loss/forgetting words/forgetting names/appointments etc…at times?
  8. Are you having trouble grasping difficult concepts you were able to learn before?  Are you having trouble concentrating on any in-depth reading (such as philosophy or theology or science) that you enjoyed before?
  9. Are you suddenly clumsy in public and bump into people and things and knock them over?  Is your balance or spatial cognizance off?  Do your feel social ineptness you didn’t have before, or overcame?
  10. Have you experienced FORCED SPEECH either muttered or spoken aloud that are inappropriate or disturbing in public or even in private with windows open and a perp outside?
  11. Do you have trouble speaking fluently?  Do you stammer when you didn’t before?  Do you scramble words in a sentence?  Do you speak “word salad” at times?  Do you sound like an uneducated rube in public but sound much better on “paper”?
  12. Do you feel your mind is being read and is confirmed by a reaction when you “think something” to someone?  Do you have “conversations” with the Voice to Skull?
  13. Does Voice to Skull badger you and torment you all day with threats and ridicule?

OK HERE’S PART THREE

IV.  Spiritual–the part they want me to leave out.

  1. Do you feel farther from God?  Cold towards God?
  2. Do you hear voices telling you they are God and you are going to Hell?
  3. Are bad things happening to you all the time?
  4. Do you feel a sense of oppression or bondage in your life?
  5. Do you feel cursed?  Is a blessing sent into your life and reversed?
  6. Have witches or other occultists taken up residence around you or gotten hired at your job?  Do previously religious friends seem to be “falling away” from their previous devotion to their religion?
  7. Do you feel your prayers are blocked?
  8. Do you feel God has turned His Back?  Have you been told you have demons?
  9. Do you no longer feel happiness or joy?  Do you rarely laugh?  Is the laugh shallow and stops soon?
  10. Do you get panic/anxiety attacks upon awakening?  All the time?  When you do something the perps don’t want you to do?
  11. Are you falling away from your own religion?
  12. Is it HARD TO PRAY, praise, or contact God in any way?

These are just some of the symptoms of targeting.  Almost all mimic physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual trouble.  Sometimes the things you feel are real symptoms of real disorders, so see a doctor or religious leader if in doubt.

If you “have” most or a whole lot of these symptoms happening in your life at the same time or over a period of time you may be targeted!

All For Nothing

Earlier, I posted my “friend” of many years had started accusing me of things and even went to the police.  I had assumed Her Highness was doing this because she was to receive some money and had a new friend and wanted to live it up and have fun.  Turns out, she did all this for nothing.  People around me INSIST she “made up” the accusations to get away from me and that there was no one who slandered me to her.  I’m not sure it that’s true or not.  I think there was a conspiracy of slander to get her away from me so I would be alone and very vulnerable to the perps.  I think she realized it was fake before long.  This slander started two years ago after she stayed in yet another looney bin and then later I had my manager stand in my door two hours trying to get my “friend” to go home:  even trying to make a “deal” with her!  After I got rid of the manager and the bitch went upstairs, my “friend” started to accuse me of terrible slanders a month or two later.  I had no idea where they came from except she went inside my perp “neighbor’s” apartment and probably got told the slander there.

After praying and praising God for months He “let” her come back into my life for a few months before she started up again with the same old slander.  All this time treating me like shit and ordering me around like a slave.

Her mother died then, and she went into a downward spiral until she landed a nearly two month stay in another looney bin (a very long time nowadays).  I found out she had inherited a bundle and assumed she wanted me out of her life because maybe she wanted more “classy” friends, or, that she was having such a good time with her “new” friend of the previous Fall along with the money that she did not need me to be around as her personal gopher anymore.

Someone I know says none of this is true.  He says that she knows that the slander is a lie and that she made it up herself, and that the only reason was that she was worried she’d get kicked out of her tiny Section 8 apartment because she has temper tantrums while I’m there because I don’t just snap to when she orders me around.  He also said she has not seen one penny of the money and that her new “friend” is long gone.  Also, someone else is trying to get his hands on her money. So, she has just been sitting alone in her apt all this time with NOTHING to show for it.  Does she really think the management would kick her out?  They threatened to earlier this year and changed their mind. She gets to screaming and having cops, etc called on her when I’m not there.  I was not there when she got sent to the last looney bin for threatening someone (AGAIN) over the phone when I was NOT THERE.

So here she is, alone, sick, and on forced antipsychotic drugs (now she needs them.  I warned her she’d need them) and has nothing besides the TV to keep her company.  She got nothing out of all her cruelty to me but a bed.  You’d think with a million she could buy a small house or a condo and live off the interest and be free of the government system.  She’d rather take your taxes, folks.  She just lusts after those food stamps and government provided “maids”.  Not to mention sponging off a local church for food every week.  Welfare queen.

I’d get a cabin way out of town and be outta here.  The only problem I’d foresee is getting health insurance that would not penalize for “prior disorders”.  Private health insurance companies love to scam their clients.

I’m guessing she made a “deal” to stay away from me to her corrupt hateful manager.  She ran off the only real friend she had for a cot.  She is happy as a slave

PS  Years ago I was “catfished” by a person, not the person above.  I did not know that “catfishing” meant to deceive.  I think every “friend” I have ever had was “catfishing” for the enemy.  I wondered why this person would call herself a “catfish”…sounded so ugly–a catfish is a fish with whiskers and does not even have scales.  She sought me out, chewed me up, spat me out, then turned everyone else against me….pretended to be a ti only to sink her fangs in me.  I just came across this term and thought it had a familiar ring.  Usually catfishing involves romance and setting up a fake romantic encounter on facebook or another Internet site.  I guess it could be used to snare a “friend” as well.  I knew a woman who was “catfished” online by a man who promised to deliver her out of her poverty lifestyle.  He even sent her money.  He sent her a picture of “himself back in his modeling days” that she showed me and my friend.  I saw the picture months later in an AD in a Dr’s waiting room.  A recent ad.  I told her about it and she did not believe me.  The man who was supposed to swoop her off her feet never showed up.