Location Location Location

The blog Qwik Lit is having prompts. For some fresh Ideas I am going here to try and complete some of them. Posting on gs/v2k/mindcontrol is so depressing to me I cannot do it anymore. This might change. I have found several other blogs lately that are so good and full of content on gs that I think they have it covered. One of them was so good the perps punished me for going on it. If I remember their names I will link them.  One of them was People not Serfs.


Blog idea 1 (these go to 100)

Prompt #1: Location Location Location

Where are you? Your room? A hotel lobby? the top of a burning building? In the finest detail possible, describe everything you possibly can, from the sound to the smell to the temperature. Be extremely specific.

I am in the front room of my apt.  If I had my apt decorated as per “normal” this would be the “living room” or TV room.  There is an empty cable hook up here.  My only phone jack is here.  This is an old building so the room has high ceilings of 10 or 12 feet not the standard 8.  I virtually have no furniture but the few things I have are mostly in this room.

I have one of my father’s old coffee tables to hold the phone on and a 1960s dinette table that I sometimes eat on but usually avoid when I’m by myself since perps look in the window at the front.  I have a leftover computer table that was left here when the old tenant moved 2 doors down and I have junk strewn on its lower shelves.  I have something of a bookcase that was given to me by a woman who was supposed to move out of state with a Prince Charming she met online that never happened.  The bookshelf holds a few books and some candles and other knick knacks from when it was a sort of altar to my dead “idols” gone by.  Now it just holds stuff and collects dust.  If the power goes out the candles would be useful.

I have two calendars on the wall for decoration.  One holds my appointments and the other is only for the pictures.  I have no paintings or any other kind of art in the room so they save the wall from blankness.  I have pictures of my biological family on the floor, unhung.  They were not loyal to me and were only too happy to give me to the perps so I never hang them.  I have a few pictures of my old cat that I had to give up because she had feline AIDS, a pic of one of my estranged sister’s cats and one nephew, and some more recent nephew pictures still in the card that my estranged sister sent.

My blah walls are a low gloss white and the trim is perp allowed brown.  I had to rush out and get curtains for my yearly govt inspection because my current cat destroyed my blinds.

Welcome to my welfare apt!

d-Day II–diets I DIDN’T try.


stillmans many diets....
Fun reading this in the basement of rents home
the food is available at wal mart now.
h wood diet
toilet paper runs and infrastructure damage on the ORIGINAL diet which called for mounds of pineapple
fit for life
Looked fun but never tried
banana diet
bananas and milk all day long
roux en y
This could have been me
manbelly disappearing
belly starting to disappear after repeated wraps.

Here are some diets/gimmicks I have never tried.

  1. Stillman–even worse than Atkins or Scarsdale, it was before my time
  2. HOW diet program, reported to be strict
  3. Jenny Craig–the food costs make this the most expensive diet
  4. Hollywood Diet–the fruit one–a way to waste lots of toilet paper
  5. Fit for Life–I was interested but never did it
  6. banana diet–only bananas and milk
  7. Stomach Surgery–lap band or roux en y…got left by the dr before he did it.
  8. Blood Type Diet…instructions didn’t seem too clear for my blood type
  9. body wrapping..expensive and temporary
  10. raw diet…too hard
old school dexatrim
A slight giddy dizzy high feeling. No appetite suppression.


Here are some other things I tried that I forgot last post

  1. Dexatrim…grocery store diet aids before they took out the active ingrediet.  Did not work but made you a little hyper and nervous.  lost 4 pounds once?
  2. Dived back into my old diet pills leftover in 1993 and 1998.  Got sick in 1998 from them and could not stop throwing up.  Threw them away at last.
  3. Using 3 day fasts as weight control…only lost water.  Fasts aren’t for weight loss anyway

That’s all folks.  Dieting makes you fat.  Psych pills make you fatter.  Overeating never helps.

Die With a T

My Diet History or, the Obesity of Me

All my life I’ve struggled with obesity/overweight.  From early puberty when I saw my “thunder thighs” and “rhinoceros ass”, I knew I was flawed.  My mother told me I was fat and my classmates weighed about 105 pounds or so.  I started my first diet at age 12 or 13 and I haven’t stopped my last one.  So, now, huge again, on psych drugs that I had said I’d never take again and desperately looking for a way to take back the weight loss I had obtained by the end of 2010 (not my goal but closer) when I had walked and fidgeted down to a size 16 fueled by gallons of diet soda.  Until I found out that aspartame was poison….

I have worn every size from 7 to 26 on my fat journey.  The latest thing I want to do is not dieting but compression from corsets.  Some weight does come off, but the biggest thing with the corsets is to be proportional to the rest of my body.  Psych drugs give you a huuuuge belly.  Oh well, it’s probably just another “brilliant” idea I have to try and beat the weight rap.  I’ve been there and done that”  I’ve tried tons of diets.  A list of what I’ve tried is at the end of the post.  Here is my account to control my spreading body beginning at age 13 or so up until now in “middle” age which looks like old age on me.

lil crouton die with a t


I first began my dieting “career” at age 13 or maybe 12 in 1978 or 1979.  After a few solo tries of only losing a few pounds, I went with my parents on the very restrictive Scarsdale Diet (before the murder).  I think the diet lasted 2 weeks (or weaks).  I lost about 7 pounds, my jeans sagged and I felt so weak at the end of it I wanted to melt into the floor.  I was glad that diet was over.  My mother said I should weigh 110.  It seemed an impossible goal.

I had a bout w/mono in 1979 and I stopped eating for a short while because my tonsils had swollen.  By the time my mother took me to the doctor 2 weeks later I had lost essentially the same 7 pounds.  Back down to 122 this time.  I guess I should have been happy to be thinner by summer, but my life sucked so bad even WEIGHT took a back seat.  I gained it back the next year.


By freshman year I’d grown to my full height but was still getting chunky.  For some reason the school nurse decided to take me under her wing to help me reduce.  At 5’7″ I weighed 129.5.  I guess she thought if I reduced I would have a better social life at school.  Those girls were so little I would have had to gotten ana to get the attention of anyone there.  I lost 14.5 pounds to 115–the smallest I’ve ever been.  I was relatively long and lean for about 3 months until it started creeping back.  I went to 135, then, 145, then 148 or so.  My mother took me to a weight loss center where they tried to get me to eat 800 calories a day.  Was it Auschwitz?  I wondered.  I kept burping up the taste of the nasty vitamin pill they gave me.  I lost only 7 pounds and dropped out of the center and school and ended up in 2 looney bins as recorded in Stelazine Diaries.

I was even bigger by “senior” year.  I had dropped out by then, but planned to go back and try and finish High School.  I weighed 155 in October and I used up the leftover time from the weight loss center to try again just a little less stringently.  I lost 30 pounds before school started in January.  I was 125.  I got a haircut, a few new clothes, a very demanding class schedule and I lasted a week.  By then, I had spent my miserable adolescence in and out of shrink’s offices, the hospital, and diets.  I ran off from school after a cruel word from a classmate (thought they would let up on me as I had been gone a year.  I knew nothing yet.)  Then I ran off hopping around on interstates all the way to Florida before I came home, got work, got my GED and started college in the fall.  The college still took GEDs and gave you an entrance exam.

I was still OK in the 130s when I started college.  I stayed relatively thin for awhile by joining a gym and getting a strenuous job during summer break.  The fat started to come back after Sophomore Year when I dropped out and went to work.  I ate a lot to comfort myself doing menial jobs, and I really started to blow up.  I was big for the first time in my life.  I weighed 177.  I went back to school having failed to work at anything but temp trash jobs.

I decided I looked bad and went on my own very diet after my grandmother promised me a trip if I lost weight.  When we left on the trip in the summer of Junior Year I weighed 140.  I eventually lost to about 130 by the time Senior Year started.  I kept it off awhile, only gaining 8 pounds by graduation.  I saw the increase on the scale and the Spring of Senior year I tried OA to correct the problem.  I did not lost anything in almost 2 years of OA meetings.  Oh how my weight was “cunning baffling and powerful”

After graduation, I floundered around doing temp jobs and generally failing at life. See my post on jobs.  I didn’t know I was a target then.  I started Jazzercise to keep my increasing weight at about 150 for awhile.  When I quit Jazzercise after getting thrown out of my parent’s home, the old weight started piling on.


When I moved home again after another failed attempt to support myself, my weight soared after a medical emergency where I had to take massive prednisone for awhile.  I went over 180 for the first time.  When I moved out again upon getting a job, I gained even more weight eating in my own kitchen for the first time.  I had on failed trip to Weight Watchers during 1991 when I got to 175.  During my first and only “real” job my weight approached 200 (I saw the needle hit 205 once) for the first time.  I went on vacation at 190 and had a miserable time and to get my mind off it I decided to “do something” about my weight.

I went to a weight doctor the other ladies on my floor went to.  It was 1992.  He was a pill doc that charged high rates for mostly doling out the pills after a very brief exam and consultation.  Their were several pills in the cocktail but the most important one was the magic pill:  phentermine.  I started at 199.5, I kid you not.  I started taking the pills feeling less depressed and more energetic:  I felt the best I had in my whole life.  It was the drug’s siren song.  All kisses at first then nasty later.  I could NOT believe I could go a whole work day WITHOUT BEING HUNGRY.  I lost 30 fast pounds in the first two months and pleased my parents in a smaller dress for the Jewish High Holidays.  I had dropped 2 sizes in a minute.  I continued to lose weight down to 145 where I plateaued out and got sick of the side effects of the pills.  I had the weight off for the most part (only 10 to go) but I knew I could not keep it off.  I asked the nurse there what I could do to keep it off at the last meeting in May 1993.  She told me to eat 1500 calories a day for the rest of my life.  suuure.

I did keep off some of it for a year or more by trying to eat macrobiotic.  It was funny.  All my favorite foods were forbidden.  I bought the weird food and ate it but could not give up bread, cheese, coffee, or chocolate.  I went on an anti-depressant for the depression was becoming chronic at that time (and so was the targetting) and my weight soared.  By late 2005 I was 190 or so and by late 2006 I was at an all time high, 208.  Then, the geniuses tried me on an antipsychotic drug that took away my appetite and made me anxious and depressed to no end.  I went down 26 pounds in about 2 months.  Suddenly, I was not a plus size for a few months.

I started blowing up again after that and by 1998 my weight was soaring.  I lost a job and then I could find no work so I ended up working fast food again.  I stepped on the scale…215!!!!  I was truly among the fat.  By the summer of 1999 and another job lost I was at 230–huge!


In 2000, after getting my government benes I joined Weigh Down Workshop because it was supposed to be for Christian ladies.  They turned into a cult apparently later on and the woman who started the plan had never been fat.  I lost 22 pounds in the 3 month class but was never called again when it started again.  The  predictable happened again.  I blew up even bigger.  I joined a weight loss group at a mental health center in 2002 and lost 26 pounds before they disbanded.  Before I had lost that weight even plus sizes were becoming too small.  I went to a diet doctor who said he’d do Weight Loss Surgery on me.  I was 240.  He bailed at the last second even after I had taken all the classes.  He had promised me to get me to 160 or so.

My weight soared again by the beginning of 2005 and I smashed the scales at 257.  Someone had taken a picture of me in 2004 and I didn’t even recognize myself.  I got down on my knees and prayed to God to lose weight.  He met me part way.  Despite vowing to God I would NOT take phentermine again, I ordered some online.  After an eternity it got to the apartment.  I started walking regularly.  I went down to the 220s again, and I ordered it online again when the scale threatened 230.  After that I started to exercise more.  I went down to about 205 by early 2010.  I had quit the psych drugs in the attempt to lose weight and get my mind back.


In early 2010 I had surgery to correct a defect and went down to 197 about 2 weeks after surgery. It was the first time under 200 for over 10 years.  After that, as I healed it crept up to 205-210 for awhile until I had a mental break over some nasty shit the perps did to me.  I slowly stopped eating and kept on walking.  I went down to 185 and could see my face in the mirror instead of fat but I was going down the drain fast.  I felt like I was going to die.  I could not eat, it didn’t digest, I could not sleep, and I could not sit still for even 5 minutes. I even took to alcohol for relief.  My pants grew large.  I was back into a size 16 but it didn’t last.  The only real help I got were the good ol psych pills and I was up to 215 before I knew it.  My weight has ranged from 210 to 230 since then.  I will die fat unless a miracle happens.  I hope the diet doctor who was gonna give me the roux en y gets fat.  LOL

Update:  Corsets work but only when they are on.  I can’t aggressively “waist train” because of breathing problems.  Down a few LB’s since I last wrote this but cannot get back to onederland.

The diets I’ve Tried

  1. Scarsdale, lost 7
  2. School Nurse lost 14.5
  3. Weight Loss Center (now defunct) lost 30
  4. Dieted on my Own lost 46
  5. Renee Taylor Diet Book lost 3 because I quit on veggie day
  6. 4-day diet lost 4
  7. Weight Watchers lost 10
  8. Diet Doc with pills lost 54
  9. Tried macrobiotics lost nothing
  10. Dieted one summer while working out at a gym lost 11.5
  11. Weigh Down Workshop lost 22
  12. Latter day Phentermine lost 30 then 20
  13. Walking regimen getting off psych pills lost 15
  14. Nervous Break lost 20?


  1. Paleo diet lost nothing
  2. Cabbage Soup diet lost about 3
  3. Attempts to throw up no dice
  4. Fiber Pills LOL
  5. Lemonade Master Cleanse HAHA
  6. OA gained 15
  7. TOPS lost nothing
  8. Renee Taylor diet lost 3 or so
  9. Nicking a Water Pill 2 pounds
  10. Colonoscopy nothin’

There is is 40 years of nothin’.  Here’s a look at a woman struggling to lose weight for 40 years but she got thin and wrote a book.

Lose Weight Without Dieting!!!

reshaping an obese belly
reshaping an obese belly
fashion corset for dressing up
corset worn on outside
waist training corset, long
waist training short “cincher”
daring..not for church ladies
Do Not Wear To Church LOL

I haven’t posted in a long time: I’ve been in a depressed funk and also I’m withdrawing from one of the hardest psych drugs to withdraw from. The side effects were getting to me again so I had to quit again.  My sixth? antipsychotic drug I didn’t need.  Every morning I’d have rages and tears. It was awful. I’ve gone thru 6 weeks of itching all over, mild nausea, increased anxiety, and brain funk…not being able to write or even speak well for the withdrawal, the other side of the psych drug sword.

But wasn’t this post about losing weight without dieting? It is.

When you are on psych drugs, especially, you grow an enormous belly. I don’t know why. Your clothes don’t fit, you feel ugly and bloated and old. You have lost your waist. I have found by looking on the net there is a way to get back a proportional waist or even smaller: waist training with corsets.

It’s happening all over the country. People are losing belly fat by waist training and even losing weight doing it since the corset reduces appetite while wearing it.  They also do core exercises to keep the abdominal area strong and some are even trying to diet.  So, 100 years after the invention of the bra, women are returning to the corsets of their ancestors.

My grandmother wore a modern version of the corset:  the panty girdle.  So did my mother.  It was a bullet proof contraption to hold in the tummy and derriere.  A bra, usually a huge white or black one, was worn on top.  Stockings, as in corsets, were attached by “suspenders” that hung off the girdle.  More modern shapewear like Spanx. (I don’t endorse Spanx.)  was supposed to constrict like old timey girdles but also make you appear thinner.  I’ve tried the tight shapers in a cheaper brand and saw little reduction.  It only reduces huge muffin top and rear wiggle.

Corsets used for “waist training” are bought in a size 4 inches to 7 or 8 inches smaller than the natural waist and are worn in increasing increments daily until you “lace down” to the size of the corset, or it closes.  Then, it’s time to get a new smaller one.  Some natural waist reduction occurs as well so on a corset less day you still look smaller.

Still you will remain fat in other areas unless you diet and exercise.  Some people only take off their corsets to bathe and work out.  There are dangers with corsets such as some organs moving downward and the bottom two “floating” ribs being drawn in.  It is suggested to “lace down” gradually after “seasoning”or breaking in the corset to avoid medical problems.

Since the first diet book was written in 1918 by Lulu Hunt Peters, this country and others have been obsessed with weight reduction.  The newer simpler clothing starting in the 1920’s required thin bodies without corsets– showed all the fat.  There is a new diet a week in all women’s magazines.  If you read them they are about the same…lower calories and fat and exercise.  They don’t want to be sued.  They find random women who have lost 200 pounds and say they followed the diet featured that week but who knows what happened.  Maybe they got their stomach stapled.  So, now, women who have been on the diet go round since puberty are sick of it and want to see results right away.

Corsets are expensive, starting at about 100 bucks and going up.  Custom corsets start at about 400 dollars.  They also wear out and the corset wearer will find they need to buy more than one corset to trade off if the other one is getting washed, etc.  People into corsetry  will buy a wardrobe of corsets over time. A real corset is “boned” with steel nowadays and not whalebone of times past and definitely not plastic which is worse than buying nothing at all. A waist trainer has more than twenty steel “bones”.  It’s bulletproof, almost. It is still less expensive and risky than Weight Loss Surgery.

Most of my information came from Lucy’s Corsetry You Tube Page and

Orchard Corsets webpage and videos.  I do not officially endorse either brand.

Corset wear is kind of hard if you work.  First, you must put on a soft t-shirt under the corset to avoid chafing.  After the corset is laced, someone working would have to wear loose fitting or empire waisted shirts.  Laces must be tucked in after tying excess to not show on the outside.  People wear their corsets out of their clothes at home, for casual wear, or even dressing up and showing a fancy corset as part of an outfit.  New corsets are not all white huge contraptions as seen like in the Sears Catalog for like 1912 or so.  They are more streamlined and stylish.  Some women even wear “over bust” corsets on their own for outerwear.  Some daring women.

Some corsets are prescribed by doctors after surgery and for sciliosis and run so tight that reductions are seen.  There are also industrial back braces that don’t tight lace for workers with weak backs and workout corsets that make your stomach sweat and temporarily reduce.  They are not lingerie.

workout waist belt
workout waist belt

I got the idea that compression worked because I wear tight socks under boots and sometimes wear braces as well.  I noticed my ankles and feet weren’t water filled and ugly anymore and wondered about compression on other areas in the body.  The compression from modern compression garments such as Spanx does not last after the garment is taken off but corsets are more extreme and your body does hold its shape after they are taken off.

I don’t know if I will buy a corset.  I’d have to buy it in the mail and it would have to pass thru mail handlers or Fed Ex or UPS and who knows if my corset would come in one piece?  There is no place to buy one around here retail.  One lingerie store offers a corset but it’s one of the “sexy” ones used as lingerie but not very functional.  It was 300 dollars as well.  Even Victoria’s Secret only has one corset in stock.  They are hard to come by except thru the mail.