The Bad Friend

These are some of the things I have done for my “friend” I have “destroyed.

Cooking, Cleaning, Getting her ready for housing inspection, gassing and window cleaning her car, vacuuming her car and wiping it out, decluttering her various apartments including a file purge in 2013 that generated a foot of paper, going to ER’s, urgent cares, hospitals and mental hospitals, cutting her toenails, bathing and boarding her cats, getting poop off the butt of her longhair, cooking meals for her on the holidays, doing all her laundry for a number of years, lugging her former cats to the vet with her, going with her for “moral support” to her father’s house to get him to do what she wants, listening to endless bitter rants about men rejecting her (men that did not go on even one date with her), shampooing her rug on my hands and knees with a small steam cleaner, schlepping to the bank on Saturday mornings so she can gorge herself on free donuts, looking up shit on Google for her even though she took years of computer classes, giving her cats their medicine, the Great Clothing Purge of getting rid of shit she had since High School, hunting her down to visit her at a halfway house after not hearing from her in forever, Sunday Brunch at my house almost every week, “playing” games on the computer with her which involved her always playing and me never playing, turning up the heat to 74 and paying the bill when she stayed over, paying her long distance bills she “forgot” to tell me about from using my phone, sitting with her during an anxiety attack and urging her to take a pill and sitting with her until it began to work, rushing to the store to get Gas-X when she thought she was having a “heart attack”, bleaching out her litter boxes after one of her cats had giardia instead of her buying new ones, etc…etc…etc…..the poop stuck to the bottom like glue……..I ruined her life.


The Liar

And now to the main post….

I had a conversation with the man who ruined my friend’s life and now is conspiring with her father to get a guardian for her.  He did his dirty work and won’t FUCKING GO AWAY.  I think he has been recruited to perp full time.  My friend’s father, an emotionally abusive man who probably screwed up my friend, is now FRIENDS with C.  C. used to hate this guy and now they are “friends” and oh…no big surprise…I’m the bad guy.

Since he has not had the “decency” to go away after fucking things up, I continued to talk to him since I could not block his number from my phone and I was having trouble getting around without “rides” from him.  He kept harping on how “bad off” my “friend” was but HE did it.  I’m convinced he dropped acid or PCP or something in her drink.  Otherwise he’d talk about sports or endlessly pump his liberal garbage at me.

The last time I talked to him on the phone, he ACCUSED ME of screwing up my sometimes friend!!!!!  She was screwed up major time when I met her back in 1989!!!!!  I helped her with everything in her life since then except when she wasn’t “talking” to me and also recently after her fake nervous breakdown/hospitalization/weirdness.  Even I can’t stand her now.  All the things I did for her…I could write a book.  Maybe I will.  Turns out her nasty FATHER accuses me of screwing up his daughter who has always been different anyway and now C. BELIEVES him!  Welcome aboooard, C. says Daddy.


First things First

Just when things could not get any worse…

First off, the man who provided a video forum for ti’s for a year is dead.  Just like that. Paul Marko died Feb. 6, 2018.  No information is provided as to what he died of as yet.  He was brave to host a ti forum even though he was not a ti.  He had recently taken a trip to the US (from South America where he lived) to help his wife’s parents.  He was disgusted at our social/political situation saying he never saw people so divided in his life and America was a changed place.  He was probably in his early 60s, that’s it.  He ran Pineconeutopia website and You Tube site and also hosted the Techno Crime Fighters Forum for awhile before handing it over to Ramola D.  He studied all kinds of topics on his forum but got energized to help targeted individuals after hearing from them.  He did not back down after a few weeks like so many people who “help” ti’s and probably got targeted himself.

I’ll come back later with my main post.  Many people will miss Dr. Paul Marko.




New Year Blues

It is the afternoon of Dec. 31, 2017.  Soon yet another year will come.  How was your year?  Mine sucked again.  After all the excitement over the new President, my gs and V2k only got worse.

I have enjoyed? watching the Forum with (now) Ramola D., but she has fewer viewers and less traffic but she is growing slowly.  Having non-ti’s involved (Paul and Mindy) seemed to make the show more “legit” somehow to outsiders who could be convinced.  I like the show but the reason for having to watch it is ABOMINATION. How can we, in the land of the “free” be worse off than slaves?

The Construction is over for now on my street but a new phone tower is up and running literally in the front yard.  My cat checked out at the vet, thank God.  She is not that young anymore.  It’s very cold now after a very long warm Fall.

I was alone for Thanksgiving and Christmas and now New Year.  My “friend’s” situation has improved.  She has been discharged from the hospital and is now home and has her car.  She was acting like she didn’t want her cats back.

The shit with my therapist hurt the most.  I won’t trust a therapist again.  I thought we were “close”.  We laughed, we joked, I shared pics of my cat with her.  I even bought a tiny t shirt to put on the cat to show her.  The cat hated it.  I went through all kinds of shit with her since early 2015 and thought she would be there for me.  Now I have no one to tell my stuff to.  Friends come and go but I didn’t think a therapist would shank me like that.  She really helped me in late 2015 when I was literally falling apart, and then again in 2016.  This year it seems we were sort of just hanging in there.

My “sister” will be 50 this coming year and I still have not seen her since 2005.  13 years.  Sick of using FB to check up on her.  She is blessed to even be 50.  She has had cancer and heart disease already.

I am still sitting under the shadow of that false accusation.

I wish there was better news to tell.



Long time no write

I have not written in a long time essentially due to lack of reader interest.  I feel I must put something out however.  The perps are in an all out war with me and I feel helpless and very hopeless.

Way back on Inauguration Day I  I heard a V2k telling me not to look forward to the Trump administration because it would be WORSE for me.  I assumed it was sour grapes from an upset Liberal perp.  Things have gotten much worse very fast these past few months.

The tiny few things in my life are all gone.  It started the Friday before Halloween.

I was out with this man who takes me to my appointments, etc and he was buying me and my on/off friend I have (see previous posts) dinner at Subway.  The only reason I was having him drive me around is because the gangstalking and threats have become so bad when I’m alone on the bus I started using him to take me around because he offered.  That is a post in itself and I can’t get into it here but let’s just say we haven’t really been getting along since Trump get elected.

What usually happens is that he takes me to whatever appointment I need to go to and also goes by the store with me so I don’t run out of food. He also took me out to lunch sometimes at pretty expen$ive places like we were dating or something. Well, this day was Friday and I needed to also be dropped off at my friend’s house about 10 miles from my apartment.  She was on the phone per usual demanding she get bought a meal as well.  He hasn’t been getting along with her and does not want to buy her meals or eat with her but agreed to pick up fast food.

When we got to Subway, even though I was full from the big lunch we ate a few hours before, he asked me if I wanted anything so I agreed to let him buy me dinner since my friend is sort of stingy with her food and probably only offer me a cheese sandwich or something if I didn’t come with food.

I ordered her sandwich per her instructions (roasted chicken sub with everything on wheat bread) and ordered my sandwich as well.  I was going to pay but the man who takes me around wanted to so he did.  I went to get my drink and he went to get hers at the drink fountain.

While I was pouring and capping my drink I noticed his fingers twiddling over my cup.  I was nervous but hoped it was just a nervous habit.   I didn’t notice him doing anything to her drink.  As we were leaving I saw him wiping his hand on his shirt and became suspicious.  I had also noticed his hand hovering over my drink bottle and even resting on it in the recent past when in his car and was getting paranoid of him.

He drove me to my friend’s house a few blocks away, and I started to eat my meal and I was so thirsty I drank part of my drink with a straw thinking whatever he put was on top and the straw takes the drink from the bottom.  I poured out at least half of it.  I warned her that he might have spiked our drinks, but, of course, she just fluffed me off as usual.

Later that evening I got into a particularly angry fight with my friend and she wanted to kick me out or call that guy who drives me around but then we went to bed.  She never ate her sandwich or drank her drink, telling me that she had eaten an entire pizza earlier.  I asked her why she wanted food not to eat it and she said “he always buys you food so I wanted some too and will eat it tomorrow.”

After a tense day which included her cat running off and having her perp “neighbors” help catch him, we went to the store.  I was too upset to go inside.  I carried her groceries inside her apartment and she packed up some stuff to spend the night at my apartment.  She took her Subway meal.  She said she’d eat that rather than me feeding her.  She even angrily grabbed her sandwich when we were getting out of her car at my apt. letting me take everything else of course.

I was angry and tired by the time we finally got to my apartment.  She ate her dinner and I must have eaten something of my own.  After she ate she just plopped on my bed and said how tired she was.  She went to sleep right away.  I decided to unwind before bed by watching You Tube.  She was thrashing and moaning in her sleep as I did this but thought it was her arthritis.  She usually just snores loudly.  She has RA.

I finally crawled into bed at 3am and awoke to her using the bathroom at only 6am.  I called her name several time but she would not answer.  Finally she said “bitch”.  I said, “what”?  Then she described a dream where I was attacking her and she had to kill me.  She said she was done with me and was leaving right now.  I kept asking her if she didn’t want breakfast, etc…but she ran off with her laundry and her change of clothes and groceries for our breakfast and went right home.

I was angry and shocked but not too surprised since she “turns” on me all the time and does not talk to me for sometimes up to a year.  I would have nothing to do with her except she HAD two adorable tomcats and it was a place to get away from my apartment (perp central).  Then started the calls.

She would call, call, call, me all the time sounding crazier and crazier but never come over.  I got news that a damn nurse was giving her her “meds”.  She already has LOTS of housekeeping including cat care so she virtually does nothing but attend a food bank that she does not need and the store and doc appointments.

Apparently, she was going very crazy and threatening everyone she knows and her trustee was getting very involved with her life to “help” her as well as this chick connected with the state that takes her to the doctors to supervise them in order to make sure the doctors don’t take advantage of her.  This chick has been no help ( I call her a “chick” because I have no respect for her and think she wants my friend’s money) to her and even a hindrance.  My friend has tried to get rid of her and can’t because she signed all kinds of crap literally giving her life away to the state if anything “happened” to her.  This was only a few MONTHS before my friend’s “nervous breakdown”.

Nothing was helping.  My friend would not drive her own car nor do anything else but yell on the phone all day.  One day she said that she was coming to my house because she was afraid she was going to get institutionalized.  She did this three times and never showed up.  I was afraid she was going into the hospital too, and wanted to keep her cats until she got out but my darling perp landlady refused to let them stay.

The last time she said she was “definitely” coming to my house she went the other way to that man’s house because later I found out she was “scared” of me.  She had her cats in the car.  She has never been to this man’s house and got lost and then found by a cop who took her car to impound, her cats to the pound, and my friend to the hospital.  She was transferred to a very locked ward the next day and is supposedly coming home today with nurses over there every day to watch her take her “meds” which now probably include antipsychotics.  She has no cats and her damn money hungry FATHER has her car.  Her new SUV.  The one cool car she has ever had.

I think we were slipped drugs at Subway by the man I will call C.  I got angry the night I ate and drank and forgot later what we argued about.  She ate her sandwich and drank her whole drink then has been on a downward spiral ever since.  I think we got dropped acid.  I only drank half my drink so my effect was less.  I have never seen my friend have a nightmare like that one.  I think he, that damn chick who goes to the doctor with her and her father and GOD KNOWS WHO ELSE have conspired to take her down and get her money by becoming “power of attorney” and also to take me down and put me in the street to die there since V2k has assured me NO ONE will help me if I become homeless.  I have had many nightmares of this situation.

In my life, it has not been easier.  I decided to stop talking to C. after a few weeks seeing a plot afoot.  He started a few months ago being very rude to me and acting in a sexual manner around me by flicking his tongue and leering and rubbing his leg in the car.  I finally said it was “enough” and he said “good luck” and dropped me off.  But he didn’t stop calling.  I told him to leave me alone and finally accused him of doing the things I think he did that Friday night.  He stabbed me in the back my calling my therapist and lying and saying I was in danger.  I was sitting at the computer when TWO squad cars with their lights on and a “therapist” showed up to the house.  I did not let them in and assured them I was fine.

I quickly got to the bottom of it and after initially lying, C. admitted to the whole thing.  Then I angrily left my therapist a message.  She called back but instead of apologizing and saying she made the wrong decision, she defended herself and said “we would talk about it in the next session”.  I went to the next session, alone on the bus along with perping and another random accusation against me angry as hell.

I told her she was fired and she just said “ok” like it was nothing even though I have worked with her for over 3 years–the longest therapist I have had in the mental health system–and then she tried to coldly defend herself like she was the Queen of the mental health center.  (my friend says mental sickness)  I gave her plenty of openings to apologize and say she made a wrong judgement by not calling me first but she was not having it.  I left without a therapist.  She even “kindly” offered to haul me back off to my old office so I could see my old shrink (I have both shrink and therapist) and get a “new” therapist.  I am all out of trust so I said no the offer and said I’d keep my doctor at the new place miles further from my home.  Did she get paid too???  I have never had a therapist betray me like this.  I’m usually scared of the doctors since they have the pills.

So now I’m down a friend, the guy who helped me, two feline friends, and a therapist.  I thought God might be angry at me.  Then, one morning I went onto the porch to hear two perps talking to each other saying that this was a takedown operation in “stages” and the other perp said she was so “excited”.  I don’t know what precipitated this huge uptake in my gangstalking but have a few guesses.  My landlady is sick of taking the bus with me to the store, appointments and now I have to go alone and am very scared of being attacked, robbed, etc.

I have started reading ebooks since Summer when the angry construction workers mocking me all day started, and V2k threatens me with living outside in the cold if I continue to read.  They also have an obsession with the color pink and threaten me not to wear it.  I bought a pink t-shirt in defiance of this but when I went to put it on I heard a voice say, “If you put that on you will not know what hit you.”  Since I already do not know what “hit me” I put the t-shirt down.  Yesterday I found a very close replica of one of my get this–BRAS–in the front yard with the unsaid warning not to wear it since it has a pink BOW.  I hate these soulless Nazis.  Braindead hive minded zombies.

I don’t know if you will believe this story but it’s true.  My gangstalking and V2k predation have gotten much worse since Trump got in and they were very bad to start with under Obama.  I have been a ti since Reagan was President.

I’m very isolated now and my blog seems virtually abandoned since Neverending1 disappeared.  I guess I’m posting this as evidence if anything happens to me.  The problems from before (previous posts) still continue.

This is the worst part.  I was interrogated in my sleep with what sounded like cops asking me about two people I hate. I failed the interrogation since I was asleep and had no defenses.  This was not the first time I have been “questioned” in my sleep.  Since they know everything already and access our minds asleep and awake, why have cops. It was like a “precrime” session to determine if I’d hurt my hateful neighbor and someone else.  I’m terrified.





I have been hearing a lot about Yellowstone erupting on You Tube lately.  If it does erupt, I will be in the ash zone.

I went with my parents there before it was discovered to be a giant volcano.  I was not impressed because I saw no bears and we didn’t do much exploring.  It was also June and snowing while there was a tornado back home a mile from my house.

The best way to see Yellowstone is to camp on the flats and fish or hike the peaks.  I would not go now.  Is it al. over?  If a massive eruption takes place it would end the world economy plunging the world into a nuclear winter and killing millions in the US from hot ash and steam.

The volcano is overdue to erupt.

It’s all over

For years, I have noticed God was at a distance from me.  I even heard I lost my salvation in 2010!  I’m still not sure if it’s the psychopath perps who were trying to set me up to go crazy or kill myself, or really God, but my evil landlady acted like it was GREAT!  She came up to the window that night and said “gotcha” with a smirk on her ugly face.

I tried to end backsliding and come back to God.  I did Bible studies online, fasted, prayed, etc…but still felt lost.  I was cruelly treated at a “Christian” coffeehouse even having some strange (perp?) woman say “you are soooo lost” out of the blue.  The people I tried to hang out with online who were Christians all ran away after a few months.

These past two years have been the worst.  Praying to God has been like praying to the wall.  I have an increasingly psychopathic and cruel landlady, that evil neighbor, accusations against me, people acting like I don’t even have a right to be outside, etc, etc, etc,…

So I thought I would test God, try God to see if He was still there.  I asked him to get my landlady away from me or to move out, get that horrible neighbor out of here, and also to save me or restore me, whatever the case.  I would plead every morning to be saved and to “not go to bed lost”.  I would go to bed lost.  Most importantly to me, I prayed from day one, that the person who caused the fire be found and arrested.  No dice.  I have lived for over a year in terror wondering every time I see a siren or see a cop since my twisted landlady started going around the neighbors and her friends accusing ME then telling them..”but I don’t call the cops”.  All the perp sheeple she told could have but didn’t.  They knew she was lying.

Now there has been another fire.  On my block.  There’s lots of fires around here.  The Dumpster closest to my apartment caught on fire a few years ago, a house two blocks away burned to the ground about 3 years ago, then the homeless shelter burned.  Now, an abandoned house at the end of MY block has burned.  There are lots of other fires that have burned in the area,  if you have an empty house around, it’s almost guaranteed to burn. The authorities should be looking for a serial arsonist but the cops seem to only be there to serve and protect their perp buddies.

God is absent.  I have been living lost so long I forgot what it was like to be saved.  I’m a “lifer” ti with no future.  I can’t even go places by myself for fear of getting assaulted.  I even won’t walk to the store 1/2 mile away!  My future will be even worse.  There is now a cell microwave tower outside my front door.  I felt overheated last night despite it being a cool night and the heat not being on.

Nothing works:  praying, fasting, singing, Bible study, etc…..I gave up following my band 6 1/2 years ago.  I gave up rock music. I am tired to death of Christian music.  Nothing is good enough.  No one will help me to move out of here.  I heard another “neighbor” doing directed conversation on the phone saying something was “going to happen”.  I was listening to his conversation about me and saw 2 cops ON HORSES outside and it looked as if I was spying.  One of the cops did the perp nose salute and made some comments like “it’s too bad, it’s a pity, etc…as they rode by.

I have nothing to look forward to.  Why should I just sit and rot and grow to be an old ti?  What a waste!  Should I let my tormentors continue to feed and house me for the next 20 or 30 years while I sit on my ass and do nothing but be miserable?  I’m sick of seeing my old ugly face in the mirror.

Don’t ever get God so mad He does not come back.

Orange is the new Black

I just got done reading Orange is the New Black.  If you don’t know, it’s about a woman who is prosecuted on a minor drug charge and given a small sentence in a minimum security prison in Conneticut.  Piper Herman, the woman who wrote the book and did the time, had money so she was able to get a good lawyer and get a good deal from the government.  She was out in 13 months.

One thing I noticed though, was, even incarcerated, Piper had a better life than I did, and, when she went home (after the halfway house) she was totally free. to live her life perp free and to have friends, relatives and her husband and her own business.

But I want to talk about how her life was even better incarcerated.  Prison, even minimum security, must be miserable, but even an inmate has more rights than some ti’s.  Some of us “carry our prison” on our backs.

First, the things she was deprived of:

  1. Clothes.  She had to wear khaki pants and shirts at all times.  No dressing up.  The only alterations were grey sweats, white long underwear and an ugly brown winter jacket.  She did get to wear makeup, however when she had the funds to get it at the commissary.  They had just forbidden the sale of nail polish then but some inmates found a way to get it.
  2. Living Space.  She had to share a tiny cubicle with another inmate in a room full of other cubicles and inmates.  There was no privacy.
  3. Freedom.  She did not leave the compound until she became the government’s witness against someone else right before her release.
  4. Respect.  The CO’s, or guards, disrespected inmates and they had to take it or they would be punished or put into solitary.
  5. Privacy.  The showers were communal.  Also, she was strip searched after every visit.
  6. Food.  She describes the food as sort of crappy and sparse, but inmates learned to cook things from the commissary in the microwave and create delicacies that were off the official menu.  She says she lost weight there.  She looks a little overweight now.

Here are the things Piper had in the slammer that I, as a ti, don’t.

  1. Friends.  She had lots of friends on the inside.  She only got harassed once during her stay there.  She always had someone to talk to and made close friends.  No one denigrated her for her race.  No one threatened to fight her.
  2. Visitors.  She had tons of visitors from the outside including her fiance.  They came whenever they could and also mailed her tons of books and gave her money.
  3. Some freedom.  She was allowed to be outside without supervision.  She went on walks on the track and spent work breaks outside without supervision or harassment.  There was wildlife there in the country setting.
  4. Work.  She had a a skilled job inside the compound even though it paid an abysmal 1 dollar an hour.  The minimum wage “inside” was only 14 CENTS an hour at the time.  In essence, days were shorter spent working, but it was slave labor.
  5. Books.  She read as much as she wanted in the slammer with her friends and family mailing her long letters and tons of books.  No perp threatened her if she read books or wrote letters or a journal.
  6. Peace of mind.  She did not get Voice to Skull destroying her every day with threats, insults, insinuations, etc…  She could live inside her head without a cruel “monitor” there.
  7. Exercise.  She walked the track 4 miles a day to avoid gaining weight on the starchy prison fare.  She was also part of a Yoga group.  Prisons also provide weights and basketball hoops, etc…for male inmates.
  8. Recreation.  Prisoners at her compound did a lot of needlework like crocheting and knitting.

Now let’s compare my life.  My life is not the same as all other ti’s.  Some ti’s get incessant physical torture so “beatings” are added to some ti’s lives as well.  Piper did not get beat by the CO’s when she was in there.  Here is my life in comparison:

  1. Clothes.  I don’t have to wear a uniform but the perps don’t let me wear certain colors and if I do wear them I get “punished” with extra harassment or even worse things.  I also get threatened for the color nail polish I wear.  I’m also not “allowed” to wear my hair in a ponytail, up, or even put back by a headband.  I have to wear it down everyday.  I think people in the prison were allowed to put their hair up.
  2. Living Space. I have an apartment, which used to be nicer until the Nightmares and the Mice.  I used to have my bed in the small bedroom until I started getting evil nightmares and started to sleep in the living room.  I used to have a loveseat to sit on which faced my now absent TV but when I got infested with Mice I got rid of it and don’t want any upholstered furniture now.  I have space in this apt but am lonely and have very poor furniture.  I sleep on an airbed since my landlady used to deal with people who had bedbugs and I was afraid.  Also, I expected to move anytime and did not want to schlep a mattress.  The perps discourage me from housekeeping and even threaten me.  I feel this is only a place to stay, not a home, so I don’t decorate it.  Plus I can get “punished” for what kind of decorations I put up.  The inmates decorated their cells and were required to keep them clean with very little cleaning supplies.
  3. Freedom.  I can leave my apt. but seldom do.  Usually, I need someone to drive me around since I am afraid of being jumped or having cops called on me for anything if I’m out alone.  I get harassed by my “neighbor” if I sit on the porch and get harassed if I sit out at night in summer in back.  The other neighbors will come out and start laughing at me, the neighbor behind me has spotlights trained on my door and the new neighbors across the alley have a motion detector light that goes on for anything and turns night into day.  The construction workers hoot and laugh or scream “Hey!!!” during work hours even if I just go to the window.  They are working a block away but still must harass me.  If I want any privacy outside, I’d have to go out very late and hope the neighbors are asleep and that there is no human wildlife in the alley to harass me.  My neighbor put a chink in his fence so the light shines on me even if I sit down, so I have to sit really low down or even lie down to avoid the light.
  4. Respect.  I, also, have to “take it” or be in trouble.  If I react, the perps either get great pleasure out of it or call the cops or go and snitch on me to someone who can hurt me.  I either get pity because I’m “mentally ill” which is sickening, or, get treated with hostility or mockery.
  5. Privacy.  I can take a shower by myself but am mocked and told what to do in the shower with V2k and my spying landlady.  I am never not watched and mindread even in remote areas.  I even hear the little shits when I’m on the toilet.  My landlady also runs overhead to see what underwear I have on.
  6. Food.  I don’t have to eat prison food, but, am judged for my weight and get V2k in stores threatening me not to buy things.  I find things missing or changed when I get “home”.  I overeat to try and comfort myself but end up feeling bloated and horrible.

Here are the other things that Piper had and I don’t.

  1. Friends.  None.  I have two people who talk to me but aren’t really friends because they don’t believe I’m a ti.  One of them is on again off again with me and the other has just fallen out with me and wants nothing to do with me.  My landlady pretended to be my “friend” for years to gain info on me to get me better.  My cat is sort of a friend when she’s awake.  At least she does not insult me or tell me I’m mentally ill.  When I was “inside” at the mental hospital, only about two patients talked to me.  The others harassed me so bad along with the head of the ward I ran off.
  2. Visitors.  Only the two above.  Only one of them spends any time here.  I feel no need to decorate.  I used to have Board Meetings for our apartments here and would clean for that, but that was it.  My sister came here ONCE to see me.
  3. Freedom outdoors.  Very little.  I used to take daily walks despite all the perping and skits but when the police started to harass me and I saw dead animals, I pretty much stopped.  When I saw my OLD LANDLORD at the park looking it over as if he owned it, that was the last time I walked there.  By that time, they had rigged the park for intensive V2k so the park was no longer a getaway to read, write, or relax.  I get watched/harassed by neighbors and passers by when I sit outside unless its very late and even then…
  4. I do no meaningful work.  I even had to leave a 2 hour a WEEK job due to increased harassment. I used to do the 2 hours there and volunteer there and take classes there as well.  I also volunteered once a week to cook dinner at the shelter where I stayed when I was homeless.  I lost that as well due to increased harassment and the cold attitude of my “boss” who would not stand up for me against them.
  5. Books.  I take a risk reading after having had a V2k threat about reading and how if I read library books I would be tossed outside in the snow and no one would care and I would die a slow death.  I hope V2k’ers get their just desserts.  I also made a stupid vow to only read Christian novels so that limits my reading the books I really want to read.  The perps first limited me to 50 pages a day, then tried to lower that, then the threat. My books would always become way overdue because of the threats and limits to reading.  If I do read, I take a risk.
  6. Peace of Mind.  Most days are spent in the throes of depression and anxiety and PTSD due to the constant gangstalking and V2k.  I am frequently suicidal but never try it since the perps really want me to do it to go to Hell.  Little things to get my mind off of it are merely time-passers, usually videos.  I have even been “forbidden” to listen to my favorite pastor.  I’ve also been forbidden to listen to Zeph Daniel, who is really the only Christian ti I trust.  I think Simon has taken all his videos down now.  My prayers are desecrated and God seems absent.  I wish I could go on painkillers for artificial peace of mind.
  7. Exercise.  None.  I don’t go on walks alone, don’t walk with others anymore and got “punished” for trying Yoga.  Since I have been driven around, I don’t even walk to the bus stop and back.  Occasionally I take public (perpic) transportation and do some walking but it’s rare.
  8. Recreation.  I used to crochet and cross stitch.  I also took classes in Ceramics and Flower Arranging.  I tried to pick up Crochet again but the perps limited my color choices and I brought home black yarn.  Then, I tried to crochet and got V2k and a verrrry interested cat.  I have not been to the amusement park or movie theater for years.  Before the perps clamped down I was making a very fancy painted gourd and was interested in making soap and candles.

As you can see, my life as a ti is much like the life of a prisoner.  I have some things Piper did not but lack more things she had, even in prison.  I hear that prison is getting tougher and tougher and that creature comforts are kept to a minimum and even basics must be bought.  Increasingly, prisoners are in Solitary, sometimes for their whole sentence.  They go crazy most of the time.

Piper Kerman’s life in prison was unpleasant but enriching in a way my life could never be, and, when she got out she was FREE and not in the prison without bars called gangstalking.  She is an advocate for prison reform now as well as her job.

Landlady acts like she owns me

I do not know if I mentioned that my “landlady” (read perp) constantly threatens and bullies me via V2k and she and her friend mock me all the time.  Just this morning, she tried to tell me what to put into my coffee, what to wear, what to listen to…all attached to the threat that I will be imprisoned at home without a chance to leave.  When she goes outside she smirks with all her might.  She never leaves the apartment complex except about 5 hours a week because she wants to mindread me all the time and order me around. She used to go places all the time.

Even on YouTube she tells me what I can watch.  She acts like she owns me and I’m just a big doll she can push around.  This apartment is hell.  She acts like I will be forced to live here the rest of my life.  I’d rather die.

The mindreading begins even before I get out of bed.  I think a thought and she starts stomping overhead.  Every time I think a thought she does not like, she bangs the wall or the floor.  On top of her blaming me for the fire, she tried to convince me via mind control I was abusing my cat.  I almost had a nervous breakdown.  Then, she leaves on that “vacation” and the fire happens….well, it was sure nice not having her around when she was on vacation.

This morning she terrorizing me whether I could have chocolate or regular milk in my coffee.  The other perps are now perping me with the color blue.  Blue clothes, blue stuff all over the ground, etc…My landlady only wears blue.  I think she was behind this forbidding to wear certain color stuff back in 2005.  That was 12 years ago and they are still doing it even though “they” promised they’d stop it in 2009.

She told me I could not drink coffee or tea while doing Bible study, and that I could not use praise and worship songs to sing to.  All with THE THREAT.

Ms. Landlady sure acts like a lion around me. She is totally OWNED by the hag 2 doors down. Landlady monster drew me in with fake friendliness to collect info on me for years.  I want to expose her name   A few months ago, she whispered to me where no one could hear that she wanted to “break” me like I was a rebellious SLAVE.  I want to shame her for what she really is.

Part Two

The other part of my private hell I haven’t really posted is THE FIRE.  Last year, in January, the homeless shelter/home that is associated with these apartments burnt down.  The firemen decided it was arson.  It was set in the middle of the night, at 4am, and I had people knocking on the door at 5am.  The house was burnt beyond repair.  My landlady’s friend became a permanent resident here despite my landlady saying she would only be here for 6 months while they raised funds to get a new house to rent for a shelter.  That was 14 months ago and this woman eggs my landlady on into harassing me even more, so much, that I spend every day in the kitchen because it’s the only part of the apartment where her apartment isn’t overhead.  I hate even going to the bathroom or showering because she watches!!!  She comes out into the hall which is one wall away from the bathroom and hangs around!!!

Back to the fire.  The firemen and police never found a suspect and I didn’t think even my hellish landlady would have the gall to blame me for it.  But she did.  She sweetly lied and told me the investigation was over last April but the building still stands in all it’s crusty glory looming.  It was supposed to have been sold, torn down, and offices put there.  I even went there myself to help my landlady’s friend and others take things out of the house that were salvageable.  If I had DONE IT I don’t think I would have had the gall to go back there and go in there again and again taking stuff out of a dirty cold dangerous burnt home.  I even went in my landlady’s friend’s ROOM.  It was gutted. She was crying. I would have avoided it and the street it was on like the fucking plague if I had done it.

I didn’t know my landlady was gossiping about me until last March when I was sitting outside on a warm day and overheard my neighbor talking about the fire and hearing “J. knows SHE did it but won’t call the cops.”  I confronted my landlady who in her best actressy way, sweetly denied it and put the blame on my friend saying SHE accused me of it but that she, Ms. Landlady, thought it was ridiculous.  The gossip continued.  I heard all my neighbors talking about it.  Even their children would come up to me on bikes and scooters and say “busted!!”

The handyman that helps us with projects for a reduced rate seemed rude and cold to me last Fall when he was here.  I told my lovely landlady and she said, ” ooooh he’s just fine.” ” When he comes to work on your place after he’s done with what he’s doing he will be fine.”  He was “fine”, his old friendly self, for the few minutes he was there.  Later, as he was out there with my landlady who was paying him, they chatted.  I decided to join the chat.  He was talking about all the development in this city and mentioned his old street.  He said my old street is ON FIRE!!!  I gave him a dirty look at the word “fire” and he left in a big hurry.  THAT IS WHY HE WAS COLD TO ME.  He has always been nice, even when everyone else has treated me like crap.  God only knows who else this poison has spread to.

I have my own theories as to who started the fire.  I have no proof.  But it was strange my landlady was out of town thousands of miles away and her friend was spending the night over HERE.  Also, I read online that one of the residents saw the fire starting and tried to turn on the hose to douse it and the hose was not working.  Inside job.  Also, the fire was set near to where the kitchen stove was so whoever did it knew the place would blow if the stove got involved.  Inside job.  Whether the suspect was a disgruntled ex-resident who got kicked out, or, someone associated with me who wanted me out of here: read, my “neighbor” who never hid her objective for coming here was to get me out,  I’ll never know because the fire dept dropped the ball and called it an “accident” after all.  It would be just too convenient to have me kicked out of here, hauled off to prison to rot and to never come back and probably be homeless the rest of my life if I got out.  I’d probably have to perp for a living just to survive.

My landlady just keeps denying that she blames me and sweetly keeps telling me that it was an “accident”, like someone threw a cigarette in the back of the house and it and the whole house caught fire, but I’m not buying it.  No one but one person was hurt, but many could have died!!! I’ve prayed to God over and over to reveal and punish the arsonist but He does nothing, nothing.  My landlady is even worse now.  She never leaves home except for about 5-6 hours a week when she absolutely has to.  She takes very short trips to the laundromat or to the post office otherwise and that’s it.  She hangs around upstairs and watches me and never leaves.  When her friend, who got burnt out, is here it’s even worse.  They sit upstairs and talk about me loudly so I can hear.  You can understand my joy when she and her friend left on Saturday and I could watch a video she “forbade”.  She even “forbids” me to watch my favorite online pastor with the threat of course being in home imprisonment.

I’m now angry with God for this.  He’s had a year to get the arsonist, nine years to get me out of this apt when my landlady turned el perpo in a big way, and eight years to get the hag out of my life.  The hag sits with her two boyfriends and cushy church job and makes my life hell.  I once told her she was ruining my life and she told me in her gravelly demon voice that I did not have a life.  She was right.  I have stopped doing Bible Study because that was the last straw with God.  I have lived in an increasing hell for 30 years and now even my basic physical freedom is threatened.  My mind is read, my clothes scrutinized, my Web browsing scrutinized, EVERYTHING.  God is AWOL.  When I went into sin back in 2007-2011 this was the case:  it seemed God wasn’t there or offered me lollipops for gaping wounds.

Another perp that lives behind me has stopped working and trolls around the neighborhood gossiping about me to anyone, including construction workers, who will listen.  He has all new cars.  He struts around like he’s the prince of Wales.  He’s built high fences that jut into the alley so I can’t see down the alley if I sit outside.  He has bright spotlights and cameras out back so if I sit outside at night in summer I have to sit on the ground to avoid all the light.  My new neighbors who live in a renovated old apt home installed a back motion light that shines like the sun when a person or animal or even a leaf blows by.  I heard the boss of that project tell his workers to make the light “longer” on my side.  People come out to laugh at me no matter how late in summer especially the neighbor behind me two doors down who turns on his PURPLE LIGHT outside and goes on his back porch and mocks me.

I can’t take it anymore.  I need prayer since I can’t seem to get ahold of God myself.

Every time I hear a siren or see a cop or fireman, which seems to be very often, I get scared.  I once even saw a fireman hiking in the mountains on a trail when my friend took me on a day trip to get out of here.  I think they are doing the perp thing and psyching me out.  Why God won’t judge my lying landlady is beyond me.  It isn’t her first rodeo when it comes to deeply hurting me.  I want out of here but it’s either here or the streets. I’ve had empty promises on and off line to help me move but nothing happens.  The hag 2 doors down announced she want’s to “spend the rest of her life” here.  NO.

My lovely landlady wants to “spend the rest of her life” here, too.  Even after she retires.  Maybe I’ll tear that rag she wears on her head off so she’ll kick me out.