Another Yom Kippur

Here it is, Fall again, and another Yom Kippur alone.

I should not be concerned about Yom Kippur since I have been or professed Christianity for 20 years.  Yet, I still felt God, or the Holy Spirit driving me to fast Yom Kippur.  If I felt assured of my Salvation I might write it off as bunk or “Judaizing” my faith.  But, I really don’t know if I’m saved since 2010 and even before that.  I had been backsliding since 2003 or so, and I thought I had made it right but this last year has been from hell and I don’t think God is with me anymore.

For four years now, I’ve also been fasting once a week thinking this would keep me in God’s good graces and keep demons and other troubles off me.  It’s a healthy physical practice but I haven’t got much from it spiritually since the fast became just a part of my weekly routine.  I keep hearing negative messages from God (or Voice to Skull?) so I stopped praying pretty much.  If I pray, I get Voice to Skull and it does not seem I get through to God.  I stopped fasting once a week 3 weeks ago but I’ll do Yom Kippur.

I doubt I’d have even considered Christianity if it hadn’t been for the rabbi that rejected me when I was a kid.  I would have stayed put as a Jew and not been abandoned by my family (even though they might have done it because I’m a ti).  I really thought Christianity was the way to go since I had guilty sins on my conscience, and Jesus Christ promised forgiveness of all sins.

About the Bat Mitzvah I never had:  to be honest, it wasn’t that I just missed out on the gifts, the party, the adoring relatives, etc….that is very well for a child and I would have loved it, but I had a deeper feeling of rejection.

I felt you just about pushed me out of Cheder and the Bar/Bat Mitzvah program because God told you to.  I felt you had a pipeline to God and He told you not to give me a Bat Mitzvah.  I didn’t measure up.  At 11 1/2 I was evil, somehow, a defective.  That feeling led to my rebellion in my teen years along with all the bullying and ostracisism.

I thought it would all be cool with God and I when I got “Saved”.  Maybe not.  I had never heard of Predestination until later.  Maybe I’m not one of the elect.  I’m probably not one of the elect.  I still coulda had a Bat Mitzvah.  Did my parents/teachers get their tips on raising me from the devil himself?

Here’s to another Yom Kippur.

Advertisements

And I Thought Pink Was for Breast Cancer

Look at the horror show the abortionists are putting on!  Had a perp in bright pink stand around on the street smoking in front of me yesterday.  The thought in my head when she came up was, “not all people who wear pink are good.  This is fake.”

Matt Walsh posts on the new “phenomenon” of women being proud they killed their babies.

http://www.theblaze.com/contributions/shoutyourabortion-proves-that-modern-liberalism-is-a-satanic-death-cult-2/

Myron May–post from last December that I didn’t post

Exposing the Truth: Blood Money: Who Really Killed Myron May and Why

Release of Myron May’s Recording Detailing the Plight of Targeted Individuals and the Covert Destruction of His Life | Mind Control Technology 101 BLOG

What More Could Myron May Have Done? | Psychology Today

“My Experience as a Targeted Individual”, Part 1

“My Experience as a Targeted Individual”, Part 2

“My Experience as a Targeted Individual”, Part 3

Myron May: 5 Fast Facts You Need to Know | Heavy.com | Page 2

orig. 12/15/14……(9/19/15)

Revised version

Sorry I have been away for so long, but I have been depressed and have had no ideas.  After awhile, it’s all the same anyway:  The perps “perp”, we take it, we complain about it on blogs, or “talkshoe” shows or BTR or whatever…message boards, You Tube, Facebook, Yahoo ad nauseum….but nothing changes.  Some ti’s seem stronger for awhile–some go away never to be heard from again.  Even Eleanor White’s activism has been taken down.  Did she cave in to perp threats?  All there is left is a small website mostly about wildlife and a few talk show podcasts.  Who knows what they threatened.  She is old now, and probably wants to live in her own place and the powers that be are threatening to take her off to a home.

Myron May’s story bothers me the most of all the “shooter” stories as he was a happy successful person who was engaged to be married.  He wasn’t mentally ill, or considered a social outcast.  He lived and worked and minded his own business, yet, they HAD to target HIM.

  1.  What the hell happened to Myron May?
    1.  An educated accomplished man
    2. Already working as a prosecutor @ only 30 years of age
    3. In one of his videotapes (that I can’t find and was erased when my computer was down) he says his harassment in NM started as a simple police pullover that escalated into 10-12 pullovers by the same cop and then the harassment/gs/eh, etc…
    4. Now think, some of us are “older” ti’s who have had years and DECADES of this  crap before finding out what was happening to us actually met it with relief–it was real–we weren’t crazy or or alone–we didn’t go on rampages.  For years, we thought we were ugly, our lives merely sucked, we had a horrible personality, God was angry, etc…or whatever this “voice” in our heads said–we did not know we were being experimented on/slowly killed by the government and demonic entities.  For some of us, there was no Internet when this started and no cell phones–so we could “get away” from it sometimes.  After years of “symptoms” the “diagnosis” is made…bad as it is, it exists.  It is not some dirty little thing that happens only to you to be hidden like bedwetting or some secret madness no one else has.  Imagine Myron May, however, here is a young man who has completed 19 YEARS of schooling to become a lawyer and at the ripe old age of 30 was a felony prosecutor!  One lousy police pullover has RUINED his whole life!  Things changed after that.  Quickly.  This must have been years in coming but now the perp filth make their move:  He loses his job, girlfriend home, and money–in 5 months!  Must have been Hell on Earth.
    5. Back in my day when I was first targeted, the g/s started slowly.  There were stages.   There was still time.  The demons are the devil are running out now.  At first, all I noticed were rude people everywhere and I felt “spied upon”.  Live bands would glare at me if I happened to be at a bar.  I told my then therapist at the time and she tried to drug me–so I just dealt with it in secret until 2005.  I’m still on my own since a fake ti destroyed my reputation online.  I kept the harassment secret.  I knew it was REAL since I was a bullied child/adolescent and I knew what bullying was and how they did their dirty work.  No one else seemed to have my “problem” that had nothing big to hide. so an outsider would assume it was schizophrenia.  When I finally got online as a ti in 2005 (fake name of course) and connected with other ti’s, it was only a confirmation of what had been happening in my life–not an earthshaking shock.  I was very disappointed how some other “ti’s” (probably perps) treated me and I rebelled against God by backsliding.  It seems there is no relief from this scourge.  I’m not sure Simon Moore is really cured of his perps , but he swears God did it.  He started posting again but mostly audio posts instead of his cool driving posts.
    6. I know someone else who wanted to be a prosecutor but never achieved it.  She might shrilly refute it was “affirmative action” but now she is no spring chicken and it would have happened, somehow, if it was to happen.  She clerked for a DA office for awhile, then moved to a different state, and is still working at the same law firm she started at when she first got hired after a year of job searching in her community.  She is nearly fifty.  She and her family live well enough, but the law she practices is far from her dreams of being a DA.  She settled and is OK with that.  Myron May had it all and lost it all in an eyeblink.  He read the Internet and saw the “future” of being a ti and would not accept it.  The ti’s he met online pushed him away.  It was the last straw.  V2k told him some bullshit about “being able to kill to gain his freedom”.  Was he right?  Is it time to get off the stage when it is all over?  Is this misery God’s will for our lives?  Our Cross to be borne? Punishment?
    7. Miscellaneous.  Myron May had no sleep for 4 and 5 nights at a time and that will drive anyone over the edge.  He had a psych hospital stay of only 4 days when this was starting.  He was put on some very odd psych drugs…Wellbutrin, an antidepressant, which can make someone manic, Vyvanase, an amphetamine, which can make you sleep less, lose appetite and become paranoid, and Seroquel, a strong antipsychotic which tranquilizes and literally stupefies you along with the nervous misery (akesthesia) that comes with anti psychotics when your are awake.  The drugs alone would have driven anyone mad.  He graduated ” cum laude” from his Undergraduate studies in Tallahassee, where he committed the crime.  “Cum laude” means at least a 3.5 GPA over ALL.  He graduated in Economics–a hard major.  He was not crazy or stupid.  An article from the Tallahassee Democrat describes him as a tragic young man hiding a mental illness from the world.  They describe him as job-hopping and unstable with a messy home and car.  He may have been moving around from job to job in Houston (before New Mexico) to evade something.  Maybe the targeting had already started.  He took a wild trip to Denver and back–apparently on the orders of V2k….I’ve done things V2k have suggested or threatened me to do. The perps do NOT want me to write this post.  They were threatening me.  I already shredded a version of this post a few months ago (2 years ago, now it’s 9/16) after getting threatened.  Everything is Russian Roulette.  If you do something they say not to do will they “retaliate”?  Sometimes, and sometimes not.
    8. Myron May has been mostly forgotten in the frenzy of the “election” or horse pony and clown show and other “tragedies”:  some real, some staged, but his story really bothered me along with the story of James Holmes, another bright person who had everything to gain but went “crazy” with a gun.

Everything is Green like Kermit the Toad and Oscar the Garbage Grouch

For two days the “perps” are wearing green.  I don’t know if it’s a sign for a go ahead on something or if it’s a “warning” for me not to wear green.  My whole neighborhood was awash with people wearing blue and blue cars after I wore blue nail polish.

Maybe I’m not supposed to post on Myron May.  There is already so much out there that there’s nothing really to add…it would be more of a rant, that’s all.

I bought an exercise ball that is green:  maybe they are threatening me not to inflate it and use it.  So sick of being a slave.

If I had known what was really going on in the 1980s when this started I would not be here now.  I really thought the lousy treatment I got was my fault.  When I went to my therapist in ’88 about this, the script for Haldol came out so fast my head spun.  It became my “dirty little secret” until 2005, but you who read this blog already know that.

2015 and still nowhere to go for help. False “messiahs” like Robert Duncan can do nothing because they signed a non-disclosure agreement to not tell the truth about targeting….there’s also this man with an Italian sounding name on You Tube who seemed interested in helping ti’s, then, he went off on an antisemitic rant before he had his ti guest on because he watched that Mel Gibson “Passion” movie.  Both Mel Gibson is and his father were in a very conservative Catholic cult that were rabidly antisemitic.  Even I felt sort of bad about my own people after seeing the movie.  Remember the “Pharisees” were not the common Jews.

Constant threats on Voice to Skull.  Even a day trip out of town became a perp trip.  See previous post.

This will never end.  I am doomed.

OH, and that little Simon whoever on You Tube has not made a post in over 3 weeks so maybe he’s not the one with the “answer” for ti’s.  Did the perps come back, Simon?  I really DO NOT CARE what’s in Jay Leno’s garage.

A lot of ti’s are Christians or become Christians after targeting and it does not stop. I”ve done 100s if not 1000s of hours of Bible Study and Scripture reading these past 5 years.  I was supposedly saved 20 years ago and have been targeted nearly 30, if you count that odd things were happening to me in late 1986 as well.

Guess Simon is too busy listening to 3 hour sessions of Omega Man and his buddies like Steve Quayle.  It seems as if these Internet Remnant Church people run together.  Some of the Pastors seemed nice, some even seemed sincere, but others were all out perps.  Also, they are Arminians and, it is a little scary to live as an Arminian thinking every day could be your last day saved if you screw up morally which is easy to do as a ti who is constantly provoked.  Being saved once for all takes a load off the mind…the question is, are you REALLY saved?  Am I?  According to Charles Spurgeon you have to have a set of experiences to qualify having the Spirit.

Reading an article that says Myron May was set up because he knew about Enron.

OK, that’s it, go back to sleep. zzzzz

Perps Threaten Again—You Never Know You are in a Cage Until You Feel Your Chains

I want to go back and take Writing 101 because there are new assignments but every time I took a WP writing course, something bad happened as the perps don’t want me to better myself but just sit around.  I remember my computer dying last year around the time I took Writing 101, or, was it after?  I don’t remember.  The perps don’t want me bettering myself.  I think the deadline has passed.  I think what else can they take away and I remember last Spring when I had no Internet for 6 weeks…and a few other things.

I found out how large my cage is.  The last time I was out of state was in early 2003 when I visited my estranged sister for 4 whole days, and, since then, I have not been more than say, 3 hours drive from “home”.  I looked up this application that will put in a diameter of a certain number of miles around your home.  With one exception of only about 5 miles, every place I have been to since 2003 has been within 100 miles of here.  That includes the loong day trip I took back in December.  It seemed so long because we were mostly wandering around.  The area that seemed SOOO REMOTE was within the CIRCLE.

Talk about control.

This is even weirder.  I went on another day trip two days ago to get the effff out of here since I don’t spend overnights at my former friend’s house.  A man who knows her sort of hangs out with me.  He has the car.  What was going to be a great day was ruined by perps.  First, we got a very early start and I had not made coffee so we stopped 20 min out of town to get some.  A perp waited for me.  Later, we stopped for a huge breakfast and the staff were rude and perpy and even made a big deal when a song by the group I used to follow came on the radio.  The waitress kept calling me “love” and we’re not in England.

We drive to a semi remote spot he used to go to years ago to relax and a very perpy couple are there.  We kept “running into” this skinny nasty looking woman on the trail and her husband sat in a canoe in the lake beneath us when we stopped as if he was listening.  My friend mentioned this woman once when we were sitting and she popped around the corner.  I said “speak of the devil” under my breath.

Later, we stopped for dinner in a very small town even though I thought we had had enough to eat that day–at least until we got back to town.  The waitress was very rude to me and muttered “curse you” every time she passed me.  We took a long time ordering because I was not that hungry and my friend thought the food was a bit expensive.  The waitress said “are you just ordering water?”  We should have walked out.  He ordered a burger and I got an appetizer.  Flies kept landing on us and the food.  (Do you want some flies with that?)  Then, if it could not get any worse, my old landlord from the 1990s strolls in……I said nothing until we were in the car.  This was the landlord was sort of a medium slumlord when I rented from him and then he became a real estate magnate to the yuppie gentrifying crowd as time went on.  Now, he’s sort of a local “hero” and fabulously rich.  Why he’d want to be at this little hole in the wall cafe was beyond me.

It was so sad–the one thing that could still make me happy–getting out of this evil city–sucked.  Even in the streets of that little town there were two perps laughing and giggling and spouting my business running down the street.  Wearing black t-shirts and billy GOAT beards of course.  The devil is a busy man and he does not rest now.  I could not get rid of the stink of perp even away from the city.  I had had fond childhood memories visiting it with my parents.  Everything is gone to hell on Earth

I thought I saw my old landlord visiting the building across the street a few weeks ago.  Is he buying it???  The whole neighborhood is now named after a moniker he gave it…it’s a nightmare coming true.  I thought I had escaped him and his building when I got kicked out after losing my job in 1998. He used to live on the top floor of my building.  He was my neighbor in a way.

I had nightmares of coming back to live there for 10 years.  Now I can’t even go to the park near my apt because his big “project” is right on the next block.  Once, when I was in the park, he came into the park and it looked to me as if he was inspecting it to buy it.  The CITY owns the park.  Is he the city?  The next park up the river is partially funded by the DOD and I was V2k’d about not going there.  I go there maybe once a year now.

I can’t get away from the man.  My father and his uncle were best friends growing up in the Jewish “hood” of this city until my father’s friend DIED at TEN!!!!!  My father never got along with the nephew, my former landlord. They are about 17? years apart????  My father died in his 90s last year.  They both practiced law until the nephew of my Dad’s friend went into real estate.  My father should never have let me rent from him, but when did he ever really care about me?  A little?  Sometimes?  Maybe?  It’s all so weird.  There must be a heck of a backstory.  That and my Masonic grandfather on my mother’s side and the weird time my aunt had in Chicago…and me “inheriting” the whole mess…or is it something I did?  I might have pissed off a celeb, too.  It’s too much.

I still have not posted that post about Myron May.  I rewrote it in Spring?, so I could post it then got V2k threatened AGAIN.  i can’t find the rewritten version.  Voice to Skullers probably terrorized me into shredding it.

I watched his 3-part videotaped Suicide Note.  It was sad.  It seemed he never had that many friends in his life…that his relationships were…tenuous.  Here he was, successful, but still single.  He said he was distant with his siblings.  I think the “perps” look for those who are loners and that is why I am so crushed by losing my only friend.

He spoke of his harassment, how he would miss his family and “friends” which seemed more like acquaintances to me, then said that “what he was going to do” was going to get the word out about gangstalking.  I doubt that.  I really blame “other ti’s” for pushing him away.  He saw, rightly, a lifetime of misery.  I was bullied and accused by “other ti’s”, some probably moles for the enemy, on “ti” message boards and chats.

That left me with my only friend and my father.  My father moved away and stopped speaking to me, and my sister stopped speaking to me, then, my only friend started being on and off with me and now it seems permanent not without first slandering me in a horrible way and even calling police on me.

I should write the Myron May post as if my life depended on it.  I guess people would be all upset that I would write anything in sympathy of him because he was black and now I’m being accused of being a super racist by my lovely “neighbor” and it seems every black person in this city somehow magically believes her.  I don’t have a history of that.  I’m not on “stormfront”.

It makes my life even more miserable to have a race card attached to me.  All this political correctness and you can’t say anything that MAY BE CONSTRUED as ANYTHING.  The woman was moved in here on perpose to destroy me.  The previous tenants of that apt were also miserable to me.