Die With a T

My Diet History or, the Obesity of Me

All my life I’ve struggled with obesity/overweight.  From early puberty when I saw my “thunder thighs” and “rhinoceros ass”, I knew I was flawed.  My mother told me I was fat and my classmates weighed about 105 pounds or so.  I started my first diet at age 12 or 13 and I haven’t stopped my last one.  So, now, huge again, on psych drugs that I had said I’d never take again and desperately looking for a way to take back the weight loss I had obtained by the end of 2010 (not my goal but closer) when I had walked and fidgeted down to a size 16 fueled by gallons of diet soda.  Until I found out that aspartame was poison….

I have worn every size from 7 to 26 on my fat journey.  The latest thing I want to do is not dieting but compression from corsets.  Some weight does come off, but the biggest thing with the corsets is to be proportional to the rest of my body.  Psych drugs give you a huuuuge belly.  Oh well, it’s probably just another “brilliant” idea I have to try and beat the weight rap.  I’ve been there and done that”  I’ve tried tons of diets.  A list of what I’ve tried is at the end of the post.  Here is my account to control my spreading body beginning at age 13 or so up until now in “middle” age which looks like old age on me.

lil crouton die with a t


I first began my dieting “career” at age 13 or maybe 12 in 1978 or 1979.  After a few solo tries of only losing a few pounds, I went with my parents on the very restrictive Scarsdale Diet (before the murder).  I think the diet lasted 2 weeks (or weaks).  I lost about 7 pounds, my jeans sagged and I felt so weak at the end of it I wanted to melt into the floor.  I was glad that diet was over.  My mother said I should weigh 110.  It seemed an impossible goal.

I had a bout w/mono in 1979 and I stopped eating for a short while because my tonsils had swollen.  By the time my mother took me to the doctor 2 weeks later I had lost essentially the same 7 pounds.  Back down to 122 this time.  I guess I should have been happy to be thinner by summer, but my life sucked so bad even WEIGHT took a back seat.  I gained it back the next year.


By freshman year I’d grown to my full height but was still getting chunky.  For some reason the school nurse decided to take me under her wing to help me reduce.  At 5’7″ I weighed 129.5.  I guess she thought if I reduced I would have a better social life at school.  Those girls were so little I would have had to gotten ana to get the attention of anyone there.  I lost 14.5 pounds to 115–the smallest I’ve ever been.  I was relatively long and lean for about 3 months until it started creeping back.  I went to 135, then, 145, then 148 or so.  My mother took me to a weight loss center where they tried to get me to eat 800 calories a day.  Was it Auschwitz?  I wondered.  I kept burping up the taste of the nasty vitamin pill they gave me.  I lost only 7 pounds and dropped out of the center and school and ended up in 2 looney bins as recorded in Stelazine Diaries.

I was even bigger by “senior” year.  I had dropped out by then, but planned to go back and try and finish High School.  I weighed 155 in October and I used up the leftover time from the weight loss center to try again just a little less stringently.  I lost 30 pounds before school started in January.  I was 125.  I got a haircut, a few new clothes, a very demanding class schedule and I lasted a week.  By then, I had spent my miserable adolescence in and out of shrink’s offices, the hospital, and diets.  I ran off from school after a cruel word from a classmate (thought they would let up on me as I had been gone a year.  I knew nothing yet.)  Then I ran off hopping around on interstates all the way to Florida before I came home, got work, got my GED and started college in the fall.  The college still took GEDs and gave you an entrance exam.

I was still OK in the 130s when I started college.  I stayed relatively thin for awhile by joining a gym and getting a strenuous job during summer break.  The fat started to come back after Sophomore Year when I dropped out and went to work.  I ate a lot to comfort myself doing menial jobs, and I really started to blow up.  I was big for the first time in my life.  I weighed 177.  I went back to school having failed to work at anything but temp trash jobs.

I decided I looked bad and went on my own very diet after my grandmother promised me a trip if I lost weight.  When we left on the trip in the summer of Junior Year I weighed 140.  I eventually lost to about 130 by the time Senior Year started.  I kept it off awhile, only gaining 8 pounds by graduation.  I saw the increase on the scale and the Spring of Senior year I tried OA to correct the problem.  I did not lost anything in almost 2 years of OA meetings.  Oh how my weight was “cunning baffling and powerful”

After graduation, I floundered around doing temp jobs and generally failing at life. See my post on jobs.  I didn’t know I was a target then.  I started Jazzercise to keep my increasing weight at about 150 for awhile.  When I quit Jazzercise after getting thrown out of my parent’s home, the old weight started piling on.


When I moved home again after another failed attempt to support myself, my weight soared after a medical emergency where I had to take massive prednisone for awhile.  I went over 180 for the first time.  When I moved out again upon getting a job, I gained even more weight eating in my own kitchen for the first time.  I had on failed trip to Weight Watchers during 1991 when I got to 175.  During my first and only “real” job my weight approached 200 (I saw the needle hit 205 once) for the first time.  I went on vacation at 190 and had a miserable time and to get my mind off it I decided to “do something” about my weight.

I went to a weight doctor the other ladies on my floor went to.  It was 1992.  He was a pill doc that charged high rates for mostly doling out the pills after a very brief exam and consultation.  Their were several pills in the cocktail but the most important one was the magic pill:  phentermine.  I started at 199.5, I kid you not.  I started taking the pills feeling less depressed and more energetic:  I felt the best I had in my whole life.  It was the drug’s siren song.  All kisses at first then nasty later.  I could NOT believe I could go a whole work day WITHOUT BEING HUNGRY.  I lost 30 fast pounds in the first two months and pleased my parents in a smaller dress for the Jewish High Holidays.  I had dropped 2 sizes in a minute.  I continued to lose weight down to 145 where I plateaued out and got sick of the side effects of the pills.  I had the weight off for the most part (only 10 to go) but I knew I could not keep it off.  I asked the nurse there what I could do to keep it off at the last meeting in May 1993.  She told me to eat 1500 calories a day for the rest of my life.  suuure.

I did keep off some of it for a year or more by trying to eat macrobiotic.  It was funny.  All my favorite foods were forbidden.  I bought the weird food and ate it but could not give up bread, cheese, coffee, or chocolate.  I went on an anti-depressant for the depression was becoming chronic at that time (and so was the targetting) and my weight soared.  By late 2005 I was 190 or so and by late 2006 I was at an all time high, 208.  Then, the geniuses tried me on an antipsychotic drug that took away my appetite and made me anxious and depressed to no end.  I went down 26 pounds in about 2 months.  Suddenly, I was not a plus size for a few months.

I started blowing up again after that and by 1998 my weight was soaring.  I lost a job and then I could find no work so I ended up working fast food again.  I stepped on the scale…215!!!!  I was truly among the fat.  By the summer of 1999 and another job lost I was at 230–huge!


In 2000, after getting my government benes I joined Weigh Down Workshop because it was supposed to be for Christian ladies.  They turned into a cult apparently later on and the woman who started the plan had never been fat.  I lost 22 pounds in the 3 month class but was never called again when it started again.  The  predictable happened again.  I blew up even bigger.  I joined a weight loss group at a mental health center in 2002 and lost 26 pounds before they disbanded.  Before I had lost that weight even plus sizes were becoming too small.  I went to a diet doctor who said he’d do Weight Loss Surgery on me.  I was 240.  He bailed at the last second even after I had taken all the classes.  He had promised me to get me to 160 or so.

My weight soared again by the beginning of 2005 and I smashed the scales at 257.  Someone had taken a picture of me in 2004 and I didn’t even recognize myself.  I got down on my knees and prayed to God to lose weight.  He met me part way.  Despite vowing to God I would NOT take phentermine again, I ordered some online.  After an eternity it got to the apartment.  I started walking regularly.  I went down to the 220s again, and I ordered it online again when the scale threatened 230.  After that I started to exercise more.  I went down to about 205 by early 2010.  I had quit the psych drugs in the attempt to lose weight and get my mind back.


In early 2010 I had surgery to correct a defect and went down to 197 about 2 weeks after surgery. It was the first time under 200 for over 10 years.  After that, as I healed it crept up to 205-210 for awhile until I had a mental break over some nasty shit the perps did to me.  I slowly stopped eating and kept on walking.  I went down to 185 and could see my face in the mirror instead of fat but I was going down the drain fast.  I felt like I was going to die.  I could not eat, it didn’t digest, I could not sleep, and I could not sit still for even 5 minutes. I even took to alcohol for relief.  My pants grew large.  I was back into a size 16 but it didn’t last.  The only real help I got were the good ol psych pills and I was up to 215 before I knew it.  My weight has ranged from 210 to 230 since then.  I will die fat unless a miracle happens.  I hope the diet doctor who was gonna give me the roux en y gets fat.  LOL

Update:  Corsets work but only when they are on.  I can’t aggressively “waist train” because of breathing problems.  Down a few LB’s since I last wrote this but cannot get back to onederland.

The diets I’ve Tried

  1. Scarsdale, lost 7
  2. School Nurse lost 14.5
  3. Weight Loss Center (now defunct) lost 30
  4. Dieted on my Own lost 46
  5. Renee Taylor Diet Book lost 3 because I quit on veggie day
  6. 4-day diet lost 4
  7. Weight Watchers lost 10
  8. Diet Doc with pills lost 54
  9. Tried macrobiotics lost nothing
  10. Dieted one summer while working out at a gym lost 11.5
  11. Weigh Down Workshop lost 22
  12. Latter day Phentermine lost 30 then 20
  13. Walking regimen getting off psych pills lost 15
  14. Nervous Break lost 20?


  1. Paleo diet lost nothing
  2. Cabbage Soup diet lost about 3
  3. Attempts to throw up no dice
  4. Fiber Pills LOL
  5. Lemonade Master Cleanse HAHA
  6. OA gained 15
  7. TOPS lost nothing
  8. Renee Taylor diet lost 3 or so
  9. Nicking a Water Pill 2 pounds
  10. Colonoscopy nothin’

There is is 40 years of nothin’.  Here’s a look at a woman struggling to lose weight for 40 years but she got thin and wrote a book.