Don’t listen to the Devil

Summer is finally here.  Next month will be my SEVENTH anniversary of hearing I “lost my salvation”.  God has never restored or reassured me that things were OK between us again even after I gave up all my bad habits, took to Bible study, even gave up pork for awhile, fasted once a week, etc….

It all started (I mean my 7 years of Backsliding) when the Devil or a demon spoke in my head (or voice to skull) saying, “it’s been 8 years since you were saved and your live has not changed.  God is ripping you off! You are still fat (this was the one), still single, still poor, still living in filth! You even got turned down for weight loss surgery! Look at this! Do you see a change???”

This was right after a rock idol of mine died and I took it way too hard after bragging to others that even if one of my rock idols dies I won’t be sad because I have Jesus now.  It was a bolt from the blue.

That very evening after I heard of his odd tragic death (they all kind of die that way don’t they?  What about Prince, Whitney Houston, and Micheal Jackson?)  I was depressed and speechless and some voice came in my ear and said that God was “ripping me off” and sort of implying I didn’t have God at all!

I responded to that voice (not having heard of talking demons or V2k) with rebellion against God.  It started small and grew.  I tried to rein myself in about a year after the death and go back on the path but I wasn’t really as serious as I was before.  I found out a former friend died in early 2005 and fell deep into sin after that.  I also found out I was a ti for real in 2005 and felt God had indeed ripped me off.  The reasoning was that if He didn’t care I wouldn’t care.  But, even though my life sucked He did care.  He removed all His blessings on my life one by one over the next 5 years until, on July 26, 2010 I heard a loud voice that vibrated my whole body tell me that I lost my Salvation. It was early in the morning when I woke up.  At first, I thought it was V2k and got over it after a day.  Then, the attacks came.  I heard voices telling me I was no good, and that God thought I was trash, I had nightmares, depression, insomnia and things got so bad I had to go to the ER with an anxiety attack in January 2011.

I had already got myself connected with Christians online to try and work this out.  At first, they told me the “devil” was talking to me and I needed to reform my behavior and come back to God. I needed to pray, fast, read the Bible, give up rock music, fantasies, my black hair, etc….  I obeyed them but things did not get better.  I even had a telephone “deliverance” where the deliverance minister said I had been set free.  But I wasn’t.  Later, I went on a fast and had a ‘revelation” that I had unconfessed  sin in my life.  I hurried home to my internet “friend” and told her and she said, THAT’S IT, now repent after me and you will be free.  But I wasn’t.

At the ER I received my first Ativan which began a benzo addiction that continues to this day.  I went dragging back to shrinks after 3 years of being free of them and also got antidepressants and a sleeping pill.  Even all drugged up I was still a mess and crying all the time.  I spent all day listening to Christian podcasts and remote deliverance shows.  By April 2011, all those Christians I met online were GONE. I began to suspect God had told them to leave me alone.

I now believe that my loss of Salvation was permanent.  Seven years is the time Job was tormented by devils then he was set free.  My life is worse than ever.

Even though I was a ti back then and heard voices I could still wear what I wanted and had more physical freedom than now.  The hatred was not so malignant, with people acting like this was a big joke.  Now people hate me for real.  I’m in bondage. I dared to wear some NAIL POLISH the perps did not like thinking it was trivial, but I paid. Nothing is off limits.  I’m even feeling physical jolts more often.  I used to be more at peace, as well, and would laugh more frequently.  Now, if I laugh, I still feel the bitterness inside.

God might have delivered me from the perps, even if partially, if I had obeyed that night and did not “mourn” my rock star.  I was “mourning” him for years, wearing only black most of the time.

Backsliding starts small and progresses like soul cancer.  I believe I even started to backslide the year before after discovering Christian Hard Rock.  I had a journal from 1998, and even though I did not overtly sin, I was very bitter and angry.  I wasn’t even walking the walk back in ’98!  Still God put up with me back then seeing I was trying my best and not in open rebellion.

The reason why I wanted to post this is that you should never ever listen to the voice of Hell telling you that you have it ill with God.  When I first backslid, I still talked to my family, could wear what I wanted and enjoyed life to a degree.  I loved God and wanted to serve Him even though my life sucked and I had “enemies” all over it seemed.  Do not listen to the damn Devil tell you God is ripping you off.  One thing I DID have before all this was I was pretty sure I was Saved.  The Devil will lie and lie to get you to rebel and Backslide until even God gives up on you.

Later for awhile, I embraced Calvinism because I thought if I got saved back then I was still saved and if I was lost I had lost nothing.  Predestination seemed to work for me.  Now I don’t know. Hyper Calvinism is going around like the Christian Flu because it appeals to the egos of the believers that think they are the “elect”.  How does anyone know for sure?

Whatever the doctrine is, I feel a sense of loss in my life now.  I used to talk to God without fear and felt a sort of friendliness I don’t feel now.  God seems to have become deaf and blind to my plight.  For years, I have tried to “make it up” to HIm, but He is not buying.  Never listen to the Devil.

BTW the dear perps are threatening me and telling me not to post this.

My Shrink

My shrink (yes I was conned back into the psych game due to V2k and intense “demonic” attacks), was acting funny yesterday.

I only see her once every few months but this time she came and got me on time (never happens) and was all business, not even a smile or “hi”.  Her mood seemed so heavy at first I thought something was going down and I was gonna get hauled off somewhere.

Her questioning was pointed, acting like I was losing even basic life skills.  Then she tried to pitch me the antipsychotic drugs again…again!!!!!  I know probably half the “clients” she sees are probably ti’s or have been victimized by the system some way.  Very few people there at the center look or act crazy and that ones that are are probably the ones that are on the most DRUGS.

The first time I saw a shrink was in my teens and I was pitched antipsychotics at FIFTEEN even though I had no voices or hallucinations.  I became suicidally  depressed on the poison and that is how I ended up in the state hospital at SIXTEEN, and I think they wanted me for a long time or even forever.  That is when I ran and by a miracle was not made to go back even though my “head therapist” tried to con me into going back “inside”.  We even had a “final meeting” INSIDE THE UNIT.  I did not breathe until one of the “counselors” opened the gate to let my parents and I out.

Back to now…

I even recently made the comment that if I allowed them to drug me to the gills, make me gain 100 pounds, lose 30 IQ points, get diabetes, etc…they would probably find me a new place to live.  I am basically uncooperative with the drugs so they won’t do shit for me.  I did not tell the shrink that comment but made it to someone else.

I know these finks have the inside track to low income housing but refuse to help.  Also, there are several clients each time I go that are clearly homeless but still go get their pills.  They will literally give you them for free even if you sleep under a bridge.

I did a post on my old blog about forced drugging and maybe I should resurrect it.  The person I knew who was drugged got all kinds of goodies from the system except her freedom.  Her attitude was one of anger and disgust the last time I saw her. She was also a perp.

She tried to hurt me badly but she was/still is? a textbook case of how far the system would go to control someone.  Someone gets rich off our misery and the demoniacs get high off the negative emotions.  I really expected to see a cop inside her office when I went back.

Something about yesterday’s podcast

Yesterday’s podcast of Pineconeutopia pointed out the fact that ti Millicent Black had a romantic relationship with her perp before her harassment and electronic torture started.

I had a “boyfriend” that I broke off with (the one with the dad at Lockheed Martin) right before I noticed things were odd.  I was an outcast my whole life but now the weird stuff was happening like getting pulled over by police 6 times in a month and discovering people watching me…that was only the beginning of course.

I rejected this man and instead of him begging me to stay with him or asking me why I wanted to break up, he cruelly said “all my friends hate you” and started ripping me apart in the restaurant we were at.  I wanted to leave town to essentially be a groupie.  I did not see why this breakup would be such a big deal to him since he treated me like a second class girlfriend.

When I begged to move in with him to get away from my parents (pre religion days) he said “no”.  When I expressed an interest in a band coming to town he took someone else.  He never bought me a nice gift.  I felt like I was a place holder until he could get a “real” girlfriend.  I guess he just thought he wanted to control me and that I was a second class citizen and HOW DARE I break up with him!

I considered this man physically unattractive and really didn’t want to go out with him in the first place but he seemed very nice and at ease at first.  His family acted nicely towards me and since he had friends I had lots of “friend in laws” to hang out with as well as my boyfriend on Saturday night.  We did become physically involved which was a mistake since he was secretly gay at the time and was fooling around with one of his gay friends who later (not much later actually) died of aids.

After we “broke up” he got married to another woman and then they got divorced and both came out as gay!  Later, I caught up with him working a temp job that I lost really fast (did he talk about me?) and he was living with a man twice his age.  What a waste of two years of my life.

Which brings up the question:  am I a generational ti or did this man do this to me as revenge? There also was another man I went out with that seemed unusually hostile to me when I ran into him years after the breakup.

Millicent Black is unusually lucky to know who her real stalker is.  This man, who underwent extensive military training on how to survive (and inflict?) torture turned her whole town and even her family against her  My family fell, too.

She has had terrible physical torture as well and has had surgeries.  She knew this man since childhood but was never close until they went out together.  My “boyfriend” was Jewish and just one year younger so I thought I could trust him.

Pineconeutopia #11 on Covert Warfare is very educational on how someone might get gangstalked.  Ti Ramola D. has Millicent’s history on her Web site as well.

It all was Planned

Last week, on Pineconeutopia, Karen Stewart, ex-NSA, revealed that Lockheed/Martin, the weapons contractor has human stalking services in 47 states!  I have had very few friends in my life, but, two of them had FATHERS who spent their careers at Lockheed, I know another man who worked there a little bit, and his wife spent her career at RAYTHEON!!!  Everyone I know, or have known has already been cleared by these satanic beasts.

I was also perped and called a “lifer” by a perp at a restaurant while I was trying to enjoy a quiet meal.  It was totally orchestrated, so much, that I even suspect the person who took me knew it was going off.  It was very weird.  The skit seemed planned.  Then, the man who took me to eat told me I had to “come to terms with my “mental illness” and other insults.  No doubt he is being paid to be a handler/babysitter by the perp establishment.  I dared to go shopping once without him and got hell from the neighbors for days.  You know the “retribution” they give you for doing ANYTHING THEY TELL YOU NOT TO DO.

Now, I am not even allowed to wear ANY purple.  It seems they own colors as well.  They act like they own God.  I wore 2 purple fingernails and it seemed Hell broke loose.

Interesting V2k’s these past few months:

“Don’t expose us” after I commented on another ti’s video

“You will think Obama’s administration is paradise” on Inauguration Day in January with the threat life will be Hell under Trump.  Is it sour grapes by liberal perps or real?

“You are not allowed to play your Mp3 outside with earphones”  I have just bought a new Mp3 player because the old one’s microphone was bad and the headphone jack was broken.  I wanted to sit outside and not have to listen to their crap, and that requires earphones jammed into my ears and volume turned up.

“Those are your prison clothes”  Every time I go and get something to wear.

30 years of my life lost to this.  Now I have a sadistic landlady, crime on my block, a false accusation hanging over my head, etc…All of a sudden my looks are completely gone and even look horrible with makeup.  I went out for someone’s birthday and was ashamed of how I looked.

Life in perp prison w/o possibility of parole.  No accusations, no trial, no conviction…NOTHING.  Still, no one outside of the ti community cares.

Hell on Earth

I do wonder sometimes:  as I go thru life merely existing in a punishment mode the perps created for me, and watch life go on all around me, and know I cannot participate, and realize there is no one to complain to;  I wonder if I have died, am dead, extinct, expired, etc…

Right after or right before this SHIT started I took a plane ride.  Did the plane really land?  Did it crash and I forgot I’m dead?  One of the few friends I had in this world had committed suicide when I was gone.  THIS greeted me when I got back.  I didn’t notice the surveillance/rude treatment until a few months later, but, looking back, I can see its early manifestations starting the year before–1986.  Is THIS a special punishment mode for hell-bound souls who are not “bad enough” for the fire/brimstone/demon routine?  This was years before I was “saved”.  Was I really saved?  Was my Salvation a delusion from the demons assigned to me to create a plausible “world” for me to “live” in whilst they punish my soul at leisure?

Right after it started, the few people who cared about me in this world started dying one by one leaving me no one to count on.  Did the people who *seemed* to care, really care?  Was that a delusion?  Did I die even younger, perhaps at sixteen, hitching around the country?

Slowly but surely the few places/situations where I would receive any human warmth/emotion/sympathy/empathy dwindled and died.  Everywhere, it was replaced by coldness and “perping”.  Even in church!  Jesus said that “hearts would grow cold” in Matthew 24.  It’s happening.

With the advent of cell phones, even my illusion of privacy died.  Everybody around me would whip out their cell phone if I showed up.  Soon everyone would taunt me with some phrase my perp supervisor at work directed at me–whispered of course as I went by.  It seemed the whole city had been replaced by cyborgs or demons.  It seemed as if my life was a lie, a delusion, a mere show put on for me for my everlasting punishment.  To get any peace at all, I found I had to isolate myself, further disconnecting myself from the society that seemed determined to disown me.

With the discovery that I was a ti, with all the stalking/harassment/mental death/mind control/regression/infantalization processes along with it, my whole life fell in.  After a brief interlude of hope that it was now “ending”,  I had a nervous breakdown without having a nervous breakdown.  I KNEW I could not show up at a hospital or therapist’s office (or the police!) with my story as I already knew what would happen from hard experience in other situations:  out would come the schizo pills.

So I hid my anguish the best I could, but, it came out anyway.  The last scraps of human interaction I had were destroyed.  I had the surety I needed to know that no one was to be trusted, and, when I did open up, I paid the price.  I isolated more.  I cried a lot.  I returned to my adolescent fantasy world.  I reached out to other targets on the Web to find most of them seemed to be informants for the enemy and/or unwilling to interact with me because they said their targeting “increased” when they interacted with me even online.  What, their targeting did not increase when they interacted with other targets?  Why just me?  I was at the center of a nightmare, alone.  All my online “friends” were feeding to the enemy everything I said to them in emails, messaging, and list servs.

It seems like life is a big reality show and everyone plays their “part”.  People act out “work”, “play”, “church”, “family time”, “vacations”, “birth”, “death”, “marriage”…all just a play.  It’s done by rote, without feeling.  It’s done automatically because if the parts aren’t played, and the lines not uttered, you are in “violation” and will be “punished”.  I don’t want to lend any validation to those debunkers who say ti’s have “Truman Show Syndrome” which is one of the newest “syndromes” to brush ti’s off into psychiatry where of course we can be readily and conveniently treated with the latest “no side effects”  neuroleptic brain death pills supplied by the hydra-headed Big Pharm to keep all “citizens” dumbed down to the level of controllable human pet.  This is no Truman Show.  This is reality for thousands if not millions of innocent “citizens” who suffer in silence for years and decades on end with the only outlet being these blogs, You Tube Channels, and conference calls.  The blogs and videos are seen mainly only by other targets, perps, and other apparatuses of the Modern Nightmare.

I still wonder though…how can it be real?  How can there be no comfort?  Even PRAYING is scant comfort, as my mind is read, and prayers (they say) are answered by PERPS.  The Word of God becomes void when the Word says only God knows your heart when the perps mindread 24/7/365 and even script your dreams.  God must go even deeper than what the satanic technology reads with machines in order to maintain His Sovereignty since God is not the top authority if trash like perps can see into your deepest soul.  Where is God’s comfort?  Where is my fellowship with God if satanists read my mind?  I’ve even tried to obtain a “prayer language” or “tongues” to talk to God so the perps would not know what I was talking about.

Where is the fellowship with other Christians?  The few “Christians” I’ve met since the very beginning honeymoon phase back in the 1990s are shills for the enemy using their “life story” and “faith” to draw me out and even set me up for more pain.  Is this how it’s supposed to be?  It can’t be.  Even in Paul’s depth of hardship and privations he had fellowship with God.  His Roman handlers could not read his mind.  He didn’t have armies of paid stalkers shadowing his movements and putting on skits for his misery.  Even Jesus’ suffering came to an end.  Were those hours like an eternity?

I have felt the loss of fellowship with God and the inability to REALLY pray or enjoy the Bible for YEARS.  I must be in Hell.  No one bothered to tell me.  I’m actually dead, that’s all.

I took lots of risks when young, maybe one of them didn’t work out.  Maybe the perception I was “blessed” and “protected” by God was a delusion.  Maybe I angered God when young and never even had the chance to be “saved”.  I wasn’t a very nice person, but neither was anyone else that nice to me.  Even as a child, I felt people were not acting in my best interest and my parents’ advice was poor and just designed to demoralize me.  It was no help at all.

I go out and everyone is in on it.  Cars go by with staring sneering perps.  Other perps walk by with dirty looks.  Some with insults.  Some with threats.  Sometimes under their breath but now (2017) right out loud.  Some perps have their faces twisted into satanic glee with a sort of sheen or glow on them.  Store clerks are rude. I see cops all the time.  People will go out of their way to try and engage me in “conversations” that are merely info gathering.  It’s just another way to add to the profile they have on me to attack me better.  They try to get me to relax, feel comfortable around them, and feel I’ve found a “friend”.  I have fallen for this crap too many times.  I took one of those people into my home because he was homeless years ago.  What a mistake.

How long will the charade last before I’m dropped into the fire along with my perps and all other sinners?  I feel separated from God, STILL.  The world is dead, cold and fake.  I’m smelling fraud.  I used to sit in one of the religious services I could still go to and see evil clinging to every smirking face in the room.  God would never let the world go so far into evil that it seemed a suburb of Hell, or would He?  He allowed the Holocaust, the murders of Stalin’s regime, the murders of Mao Tse Tung’s regime and others even before I was born.

Most of their victims were Atheists who did not believe in the Afterlife, but not all.  The Jews still have an unclear vision of the Afterlife and they did then, too.  Is all this bloody “history” I’ve learned fake as well?  People talk about reality shifting.  Is being a ti living in a parallel reality while others enjoy life?

Are all the historic wars, slaughters, diseases and storms all just a construct of demonic handlers?  Is there a kinder, gentler alternate reality?  Life is sure cheap in this one.  How could God choose HUMANS as His Chosen?  Are other sentinents  even worse?  Are they only the demons?  Are there really Aliens out there?

The only answer I have is the End is here, and hearts have truly gone cold.  Real human emotion is very rare and usually extinct in a ti’s everyday life.  A ti can become cold him or herself:  regressed, infantalized, dulled to evil–eventually a suicide, an early death, or a perp recruit.  Any ti who resists the dehumanizing gets punished more or taken out.  The future of a psychocivilized, infantalized, stupid race of human pets is upon us.  People will be medicated numbed and controlled from cradle to grave.  Let’s get real.  It’s happening now.

Learning and scholarship will die except if the learning has to do with even more technologies to further animalize humans and to create a tiny “master race” to control the human slaves.  School is a place of indoctrination, a place to learn to conform and to “get along”.  Learning, even at the college level, is truly minimal.  Your whole life now is controlled and planned by the handlers before you are born.

People follow fashion, music, movies, and reality TV shows for their “religion”.  Evangelical religion and any other Fundamental religion is only used as a babysitting service to control those whose lives went haywire with “substance abuse” or crime.  Those who refuse to imbibe substances or get an STD and get into the prison/12-step/ever-recovering oh I’m sooo spiriTOOL pseudo religious path will be given Eating Disorders via Voice to Skull to take up their precious time and money.  Others will spend so much time at “work” that they do not live at all.  Others spend hours online or in front of the TV, the main brainwashing tool in the controller’s arsenal.  A FEW people will be allowed to pursue what seems to be REAL careers in business or the “arts”.  Even THEY will obey and if they rebel, they will be promptly targeted.

The evangelical religions will be run by high level handlers of the controllers.  Any “convert” who thinks for themselves will be “put out” of church or ostracized so much going to church is useless.  The Pious Web toodlers who spew Scripture verses by the dozen to refute a comment and impress and silence others from commenting on religious matters will be satan’s chief ones.  As said before, the Religion of the Twelve Steps will be provided for those who resist compulsive TV watching or controlled organized religion.  Otherwise, the out of control, non-psychocivilized, non pet humans who have gone wild on “substances” or even THOUGHT are put in jails, halfway houses, mental institutions or simply targeted.

Who knows when the Earth ceased to be a place for humans to be born, grow, thrive, and develop their relationship with God?  Was it after WWII?  Was it over 200 years ago when the Illuminati merged with the Freemasons?  Was it back in ancient Egypt?

When did the SNITCH become a respectable person?  Remember when snitches were laughed off or even “got stitches”?  Secrets and lies replace human relationships.  The controllers would set their throne above God’s.  Of course they will lose…in the bye and bye.

The 21st Century has become Hell on Earth.

 

Moping Around at New Year’s

Moping Around on New Year’s

It’s been a tough year for me, and I didn’t post for most of it.  From V2k threats against posting, threats of eviction, perping, and all the rest, I can see this gangstalking gets worse every year.  This fall I have been gangstalked for 30 years.  I remember the weird behavior started when I returned home after trying to live out of state in late 1986.

There were a few blessings so it wasn’t all hellish.  Soon, very soon, 2017 will be here with a drastically new President.  Will it bode better for me and other ti’s or will it be worse?  Will I finally be able to be independent again going about my business on public transportation without much fear or will I be forever dependent on rides to get things done?

For the first time in months, I took myself somewhere.  It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be since today some companies are giving their employees the day off to compensate for New Year’s being on a weekday.  The buses were fairly empty but the store (wow I even took myself to the effing store!) was very crowded.

When I first found out I was a ti on January 9, 2005, I was determined not to stay in the house all the time.  I find myself at home lots more these past 3 years since I have been threatened on the bus going to the store in April, 2014.  I used to go somewhere everyday, even if just the park, despite heavy gangstalking.  Now I see it as not worth it.  Short, necessary trips are all I make and seldom.  I am afraid.  I am older.  The perps seem more aggressive.

I hope Trump restores some law and order so I won’t fear violence if I decide to exercise outside again.

A lot of people of the celebrity sort have died this year, most prematurely.  I don’t think I have long.  The perps put a picture in my head with a – dash 2017, like I might die this coming year.  The people in charge are winnowing out who they don’t like now.

I’m wasting my life. I’ve had V2k threats even for reading my library books and now they are very late.  I’ve even had V2k threats for sitting outside.  I waste my time besides the basics of living and Bible Study watching videos instead of reading books, being outside, exercising. listening to pastors on podcast, etc….I’m going to seed.  My brain needs work to do. I’m not interested in crossword puzzles anymore or crafts. I was “told” by a voice I could not use coloring books to fill out the time or ELSE.

There are very many homeless people here and they use it as a threat to me.  Last year, I heard as a threat, that I would become homeless, and on top of that, no one would help me and I would die a slow death outside.  I get very scared when we get cold spells.  We are going to get our third or fourth spell of zero weather after New Year’s.  It is colder than last year.  Colder and drier.  La Nina.  There is an old woman who has been staying outside on my block since July, and another group of homeless that have been here over a year.  Other groups come and go.

Even the homeless here seem cliquish and hang around each other, and yes, they perp.  Even living outside has expenses, and a Social Security check won’t even pay the rent around here if you are not in Section 8, so you live in fear.  When I started on Social Security, I could have just barely made it in my former 410 dollar a month apt with food stamps.  Now, the smallest studio is 900 dollars.  Food stamps have been cut.  I got more food stamps to start out with in 1999 than I get today.  I’d go back to work if I could get a living wage, health insurance, and no perp bullshit, e.g. getting set up to get fired time after time.

Now there is the Murphy Act that gives mental health providers the power to FORCE patients on drugs they don’t want even if they aren’t violent or suicidal.  They have shots that last 3 months so putting pills down the loo isn’t an option all the time.

For 6 or 7 of Obama’s 8 years Social Security recipients have had no raise at all or a very small one.  Prices keep going up.  There are rules living in Section 8, and if you lose your apt you could end up on the street.  This is not California or Florida.  I don’t have a car to live in.  It seems to be the “in” thing now to live in your car, work, and save up.  Sounds like a rough life to me.  I knew a woman who had to do it HERE where there is winter for 3 years with only her dog for warmth.  Her daughter would not take her in.  She’d let her own mother, who had to raise her as a single mom take a shower there.  I hate this world.

Please keep me from hating You, God.

I usually spend New Year’s with the covers over my head and music playing to drown out the sound of celebration.

Disagree!

I suppose I will never be popular as I will say what I think and believe no matter if people are angry or not.  I will disagree if I think it’s wrong, except, perhaps to a cop.  Gangstalking grows because people are too afraid to disagree with authorities or neighbors or relatives about the target being crazy, or a threat of some sort.  It’s better for the average idiot to go along to get along.  People got angry with me for sticking up for my friend when they all hated her and talked about her.

People get angry with me for believing in God because it’s nonsense and foolish to them.  I lost all contact with my family because I believed Jesus was God and they didn’t.

Because I won’t go along to get along whomever runs this sad circus show called  “our country” decided to target and torment me for the rest of my life.  I’m not against rules if they are fair.  A country needs laws, too.  But I will not be a conformist cookie cutter cutout.

Back in the 1980s it was very popular to be conservative.  I was liberal.  Now it’s totally flip flopped and if you aren’t politically correct about everything and accept everyone and everything (except ti’s of course!) you are an outcast and a bigot and nuts.  I’m not a right “wingnut” but take each issue and decide how I feel about it.  I’m not a kneejerk liberal or conservative.  Both parties are essentially the same anyway.

When I was younger I tried to go along to get along and failed.  I’m just different.  I’m not crazy.

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Running out of things to say

I have been a ti for nearly 30 years and don’t see the point of always coming on here and complaining about the perps.  I had a bit of hope when that man from You Tube was able to get “them” to stop by Spiritual Warfare and a couple (at least) of other people as well have been able to get “it” to stop using the Bible and prayer.  I can’t seem to do it.  Maybe God doubts my sincerity.  Some say they surrender to Jesus and everything is basically OK from then on with the exception of a few angry perps hovering in the background but the interference in their lives stops altogether and they can live again.

I’ve shared my past, I’ve shared my targeting, done Post a Day’s. etc…but this blog is still dead.  I have pretty much said what I wanted to say.  Even the stuff about the rabbi which was festering deep in my soul.  My sister did not recognize my birthday and I’m dead to her.  Up yours, “sis”.  I wonder if I ever really had a sister.

I wish I kept the old blog but I didn’t.

I think it’s time to put this blog on ice awhile.  The people who I follow are mostly gone now for the most part.  I commented on a post from someone I’ve been following a long time and it sits out there not approved.  I know there are other blogs.  Newer blogs.  I think the battle is in the Spirit.  It is the only way to win against them.  Even having money does not save you.  Celebrities are even targets.

It’s Jesus or nothing.

Everything is Green like Kermit the Toad and Oscar the Garbage Grouch

For two days the “perps” are wearing green.  I don’t know if it’s a sign for a go ahead on something or if it’s a “warning” for me not to wear green.  My whole neighborhood was awash with people wearing blue and blue cars after I wore blue nail polish.

Maybe I’m not supposed to post on Myron May.  There is already so much out there that there’s nothing really to add…it would be more of a rant, that’s all.

I bought an exercise ball that is green:  maybe they are threatening me not to inflate it and use it.  So sick of being a slave.

If I had known what was really going on in the 1980s when this started I would not be here now.  I really thought the lousy treatment I got was my fault.  When I went to my therapist in ’88 about this, the script for Haldol came out so fast my head spun.  It became my “dirty little secret” until 2005, but you who read this blog already know that.

2015 and still nowhere to go for help. False “messiahs” like Robert Duncan can do nothing because they signed a non-disclosure agreement to not tell the truth about targeting….there’s also this man with an Italian sounding name on You Tube who seemed interested in helping ti’s, then, he went off on an antisemitic rant before he had his ti guest on because he watched that Mel Gibson “Passion” movie.  Both Mel Gibson is and his father were in a very conservative Catholic cult that were rabidly antisemitic.  Even I felt sort of bad about my own people after seeing the movie.  Remember the “Pharisees” were not the common Jews.

Constant threats on Voice to Skull.  Even a day trip out of town became a perp trip.  See previous post.

This will never end.  I am doomed.

OH, and that little Simon whoever on You Tube has not made a post in over 3 weeks so maybe he’s not the one with the “answer” for ti’s.  Did the perps come back, Simon?  I really DO NOT CARE what’s in Jay Leno’s garage.

A lot of ti’s are Christians or become Christians after targeting and it does not stop. I”ve done 100s if not 1000s of hours of Bible Study and Scripture reading these past 5 years.  I was supposedly saved 20 years ago and have been targeted nearly 30, if you count that odd things were happening to me in late 1986 as well.

Guess Simon is too busy listening to 3 hour sessions of Omega Man and his buddies like Steve Quayle.  It seems as if these Internet Remnant Church people run together.  Some of the Pastors seemed nice, some even seemed sincere, but others were all out perps.  Also, they are Arminians and, it is a little scary to live as an Arminian thinking every day could be your last day saved if you screw up morally which is easy to do as a ti who is constantly provoked.  Being saved once for all takes a load off the mind…the question is, are you REALLY saved?  Am I?  According to Charles Spurgeon you have to have a set of experiences to qualify having the Spirit.

Reading an article that says Myron May was set up because he knew about Enron.

OK, that’s it, go back to sleep. zzzzz

Perps Threaten Again—You Never Know You are in a Cage Until You Feel Your Chains

I want to go back and take Writing 101 because there are new assignments but every time I took a WP writing course, something bad happened as the perps don’t want me to better myself but just sit around.  I remember my computer dying last year around the time I took Writing 101, or, was it after?  I don’t remember.  The perps don’t want me bettering myself.  I think the deadline has passed.  I think what else can they take away and I remember last Spring when I had no Internet for 6 weeks…and a few other things.

I found out how large my cage is.  The last time I was out of state was in early 2003 when I visited my estranged sister for 4 whole days, and, since then, I have not been more than say, 3 hours drive from “home”.  I looked up this application that will put in a diameter of a certain number of miles around your home.  With one exception of only about 5 miles, every place I have been to since 2003 has been within 100 miles of here.  That includes the loong day trip I took back in December.  It seemed so long because we were mostly wandering around.  The area that seemed SOOO REMOTE was within the CIRCLE.

Talk about control.

This is even weirder.  I went on another day trip two days ago to get the effff out of here since I don’t spend overnights at my former friend’s house.  A man who knows her sort of hangs out with me.  He has the car.  What was going to be a great day was ruined by perps.  First, we got a very early start and I had not made coffee so we stopped 20 min out of town to get some.  A perp waited for me.  Later, we stopped for a huge breakfast and the staff were rude and perpy and even made a big deal when a song by the group I used to follow came on the radio.  The waitress kept calling me “love” and we’re not in England.

We drive to a semi remote spot he used to go to years ago to relax and a very perpy couple are there.  We kept “running into” this skinny nasty looking woman on the trail and her husband sat in a canoe in the lake beneath us when we stopped as if he was listening.  My friend mentioned this woman once when we were sitting and she popped around the corner.  I said “speak of the devil” under my breath.

Later, we stopped for dinner in a very small town even though I thought we had had enough to eat that day–at least until we got back to town.  The waitress was very rude to me and muttered “curse you” every time she passed me.  We took a long time ordering because I was not that hungry and my friend thought the food was a bit expensive.  The waitress said “are you just ordering water?”  We should have walked out.  He ordered a burger and I got an appetizer.  Flies kept landing on us and the food.  (Do you want some flies with that?)  Then, if it could not get any worse, my old landlord from the 1990s strolls in……I said nothing until we were in the car.  This was the landlord was sort of a medium slumlord when I rented from him and then he became a real estate magnate to the yuppie gentrifying crowd as time went on.  Now, he’s sort of a local “hero” and fabulously rich.  Why he’d want to be at this little hole in the wall cafe was beyond me.

It was so sad–the one thing that could still make me happy–getting out of this evil city–sucked.  Even in the streets of that little town there were two perps laughing and giggling and spouting my business running down the street.  Wearing black t-shirts and billy GOAT beards of course.  The devil is a busy man and he does not rest now.  I could not get rid of the stink of perp even away from the city.  I had had fond childhood memories visiting it with my parents.  Everything is gone to hell on Earth

I thought I saw my old landlord visiting the building across the street a few weeks ago.  Is he buying it???  The whole neighborhood is now named after a moniker he gave it…it’s a nightmare coming true.  I thought I had escaped him and his building when I got kicked out after losing my job in 1998. He used to live on the top floor of my building.  He was my neighbor in a way.

I had nightmares of coming back to live there for 10 years.  Now I can’t even go to the park near my apt because his big “project” is right on the next block.  Once, when I was in the park, he came into the park and it looked to me as if he was inspecting it to buy it.  The CITY owns the park.  Is he the city?  The next park up the river is partially funded by the DOD and I was V2k’d about not going there.  I go there maybe once a year now.

I can’t get away from the man.  My father and his uncle were best friends growing up in the Jewish “hood” of this city until my father’s friend DIED at TEN!!!!!  My father never got along with the nephew, my former landlord. They are about 17? years apart????  My father died in his 90s last year.  They both practiced law until the nephew of my Dad’s friend went into real estate.  My father should never have let me rent from him, but when did he ever really care about me?  A little?  Sometimes?  Maybe?  It’s all so weird.  There must be a heck of a backstory.  That and my Masonic grandfather on my mother’s side and the weird time my aunt had in Chicago…and me “inheriting” the whole mess…or is it something I did?  I might have pissed off a celeb, too.  It’s too much.

I still have not posted that post about Myron May.  I rewrote it in Spring?, so I could post it then got V2k threatened AGAIN.  i can’t find the rewritten version.  Voice to Skullers probably terrorized me into shredding it.

I watched his 3-part videotaped Suicide Note.  It was sad.  It seemed he never had that many friends in his life…that his relationships were…tenuous.  Here he was, successful, but still single.  He said he was distant with his siblings.  I think the “perps” look for those who are loners and that is why I am so crushed by losing my only friend.

He spoke of his harassment, how he would miss his family and “friends” which seemed more like acquaintances to me, then said that “what he was going to do” was going to get the word out about gangstalking.  I doubt that.  I really blame “other ti’s” for pushing him away.  He saw, rightly, a lifetime of misery.  I was bullied and accused by “other ti’s”, some probably moles for the enemy, on “ti” message boards and chats.

That left me with my only friend and my father.  My father moved away and stopped speaking to me, and my sister stopped speaking to me, then, my only friend started being on and off with me and now it seems permanent not without first slandering me in a horrible way and even calling police on me.

I should write the Myron May post as if my life depended on it.  I guess people would be all upset that I would write anything in sympathy of him because he was black and now I’m being accused of being a super racist by my lovely “neighbor” and it seems every black person in this city somehow magically believes her.  I don’t have a history of that.  I’m not on “stormfront”.

It makes my life even more miserable to have a race card attached to me.  All this political correctness and you can’t say anything that MAY BE CONSTRUED as ANYTHING.  The woman was moved in here on perpose to destroy me.  The previous tenants of that apt were also miserable to me.