New Years isn’t that nice? no

Tomorrow is the first day of a brand new year. Tomorrow you get to become anyone in the world that you wish. Who are you? You can choose to by anyone, alive today or someone gone long ago. If you decide to stay “you” share your rationale.

I want to wake up as someone else, female, with a family, NOT A TI, and I want to make something of my life no matter how small. I want to get married and I want to grow old. If I’m not a target life will be life not hell.

I’d like to be someone younger not someone whose life is over half gone and I want to have children and live in the country or the mission field.

Crazy Angry

Tell us about a time when you flew into a rage. What is it that made you so incredibly angry?

About 20 years ago, when I was a new Christian, a woman PRETENDED to receive the Holy Ghost in front of my then pastor then later proceeded to tell me about it. I think I asked her why and she said she wanted to impress him. Later the real “her” came out and he and his wife were not impressed.

After I left her that day I went ape shit crazy angry. I would have burned her at the stake. I was hollering and screaming like an er, demon. I was a baby new Christian and never heard of anything like that. Now I know people sometimes play at things that are too serious for others to consider faking it.  I did not grow up Christian and had no idea played at religion.  As a Jew, you were either religious or not, your choice….people usually didn’t act.

Now I might have told her that was a dangerous thing to do and repent and then might have had a laugh later at her presumption.

P.S.  Just run across the Prompts for ALL of 2014.  I would post every day but sometimes the Prompt is TMI.  Could I just post TMI or a little poem in it’s place?

Struggling

Part III

I got a prep cook job in 1995 right around the time I got saved? and worked there except a few slow periods for over 2.5 years. It was pure misery as I worked with ex cons and others who cussed and drank and bragged about wife beating, etc…I worked for a man who hated me and seemed obsessed with me. Turns out I might have seen him growing up but never met him–his family’s home was 2 blocks away from my grandparent’s house when I was young. He mistreated me and ridiculed me even when he no longer was my boss and he worked in another department in the kitchen. He weighed 400 pounds. He’d make me work through lunch when everyone else was gone.  He would “find” me in his car and want to take me home.  I got out fast when I got there.

My worst enemy from cooking school magically appeared as a new employee. She managed to brown nose the boss and took hours away from me. She would also try and start “fights” with me so she would end up crying (a trick she did in class that almost ended my schooling). She even tried to pry me about my past in the hospital by telling me her story of being in the same hospital a few years later.  I said nothing.  I knew then she was getting her info from somewhere.

She was instrumental in getting me fired.  I saw her shaking the hand of a strange older white woman the day I got fired. (I was forced to quit probably to avoid any lawsuits)  The whole thing had been fixed.  The reason I was fired is that I got into it with an aggro temp from a day service who had it in for me.

After I left almost 3 years of lettuce chopping, meat cutting, and fruit cutting etc…I began to struggle which ended up with me eventually becoming homeless and getting on the dole.

I had temped a bit during that job including working in the BOOKSTORE of the college I had graduated during lulls, but hadn’t been truly unemployed for 3.5 years.  I went to a temp agency that specialized in food jobs and all they got me were dish-washing jobs and one banquet server job and one cashier job.  I also got to give out samples at a warehouse store.  Whoopee.  None of it paid the rent and I got kicked out of my apartment and had to move home to my father.  It was May and I had struggled to survive since the past October.

He was not happy to have me home but he used me to clean the house and cook for him.  I was so hurt and exhausted and bitter I did not work for a few months.  I did a one day stint in a dress shop doing inventory, that’s it.  I did inventory for Sears from an Agency years ago and was offered a job a min wage and no benes.  I did not take it.  This shop did not even need me back the next day.  I did not work until August when I trained to drive a school bus.

They put us through class training, driving training, CPR and everything else for weeks until we went to Motor Vehicles to pass a test and get our special bus license.  Before that we took a road test to pass that as well.  I lost that job in weeks.  A big fat ugly woman blew up at me in the driver’s lunchroom because I had accidentally taken her seat and I got fired.  I knew no one liked me because another driver “narked” on me when I hopped a curb and one of the drivers’ children who went to one of the schools on my route had started a fight hitting a girl half his size.  His mother showed up and screamed at me. They even made me take another urine test.  I knew it would not last.  The stress of getting up at 5:00 am and the job stress made me sick and it was a long time before I felt well.  My father had put me in this little miserable apartment and I hated it.  I moved home again.

There, I continued to look for work but found none and essentially got another month or two off before I went back to the world’s most famous Scottish Restaurant.  This time I was in Drive Thru and at least half of the customers acted like they had it out for me.  I did not know a lot of them were perps.  I hated the job and fell ill due to allergies from the store doing remodeling while I was there.  It took 2 months to get well.  They cut my hours and told me they didn’t like my work.  I asked over and over to be on the “grill” just to get away from customers but for some reason they refused.  I was on Grill the whole time at the other McD’s. It was either Drive Thru or Front Counter.  I gained weight drinking all the soda all day and felt bad overall.  One day the owner’s WIFE came thru the Drive Thru and treated me like hell (I had never met her) and I got fired.  Also some bitch got into it with me over a glass of water–a total skit.

I had moved out again during my McJob and now could not afford rent.  This time my father would not have me home as he had sold the house and he didn’t want me to stay over at his new condo.  I applied for a few jobs, got turned down, then applied for benefits.  I lived an extra month in my apt due to a charity donation then moved into a shelter.  I did not see my father for 2 months after that.  When he did see me he would complain of the 30 bucks a month it cost to leave my stuff in storage.

I was sent to a “clubhouse” for crazies from the mental health center where they tried to get everyone to work and tried to scam people out of their benefits.  I got my benefits when I was there and was threatened by one of the workers that I would LOSE my benefits if I didn’t participate in Job Service and Voc Rehab.  It was a lie but I did get a few jobs before I got rent assistance to help with bills.  Voc Rehab found me a job filing right on the premises for 6 months, I worked at Burger King a whole week, worked for a charity that provided meals for home bound sick people and then took my last job with a service for “disabled” people who wanted work.  It was the last “regular” job I ever had.

It was in a hospital right by my apartment so I could walk to work.  That was the only good part.  I could feel the hatred the first day.  Only one woman was nice to me and she was an Apostate Christian (prob another perp special) who hated Christ and complained about everything all the time.  It was filing again and there were tons of files.  Some were so high I had to climb on a stool to get them and others were at floor level so I had to sit on the stool or the floor to get to them.  I was sexually and racially harassed by a man there and no one did anything.  The only good part of the job was the cafeteria and the coffee cart.  A strange thing that happened was that I saw the name of the first doctor who put me on Stelazine worked there and was a winner of some kind of contest run by the cafeteria.  There was a teen psych ward and Eating Disorders hospital there then.  Poor kids, having her as a doc.  I was horrified she would find out I worked there.  Mercifully the job ended in 3 months.  That was 2001.

Aside from volunteer jobs and a very very part time gig I had a few years ago I’m sitting on the dole.  It’s 2013.  So much for the American Dream.

Worst Resume on the Planet…or, I essentially temped 10 years.

Part II

After I got out of school for the summer 1987 I got a job delivering pizza.  I thought it would be easy since they provided a truck to drive.  It was easy getting pizzas to houses but then I got called to these apartment complexes with 20 or more buildings that wound around and around.  It was the 30 minutes or it’s free days and I messed up the time quite a bit.  Delivery was until midnight during the week and 2am on weekends.  After that, I had to wash some dishes.  I would end up getting home (still with folks) between 2 and 4am.  Apparently the 35 year old boss wanted to sleep with me (I was 21) since he tried to invite me out “for coffee” after shift.  I refused and then he got revenge on me by firing me over a tiny thing.  There was also this rather perpy girl there who seemed happy when I got fired.  I got to go overseas for the only time in my life after that as an early college graduation present then I came back and TEMPED again.

This time I signed up with probably the best known temp agency in the world.  They ended up getting me work summers, vacations, and even for awhile after I graduated college.I really don’t remember my first assignment there, but I temped summer until school started in the Fall.  I had one assignment that summer that lasted a few days–putting together boxes!  It was fun because it was summer and me and the other temps ate outside at a cafe for lunch and even ordered beer.  I might have gotten one of my first “light industrial” jobs in a factory that summer, I forget.

The next year I worked winter break and summer break with them.  During winter break I might have had the cracker factory job.  I started on one part of the line putting the crackers into boxes but ended up taping boxes of oyster crackers and tearing up my hands.  It was far from home, it was cold to get there and it started at 7am.  It lasted a week.

The following summer, ’88, I can’t remember what assignments I had.  I actually had a job doing janitorial part of that summer I remember.  The janitorial office jobs stink as they only lasted a few hours a night and paid sh*t.  I remember doing the paper taping thing winter break 88 for the agency, though. I worked with a mean nasty ugly white woman that said she was a “Christian” and used to kiss up to the boss and call her her “Christian Buddy”.  I got to see this lovely human again at another assignment in 90.  I graduated that Winter, and that Spring I got a plum scut job opening up hundreds of magazine renewals a day.  It was a long term assignment and I think lasted there 4 months.  I even applied for a job there but of course did not get it.  I remember signing up for the birthday club and having to bring a cake for someone’s birthday but getting these childish pink cupcakes on mine. That was before cupcakes were “in” again and were only eaten by kids. I was given a day or so of notice and then the job was over.  I also got a job in early 1989 right after graduation going back to the first place I ever worked for the THIRD time.  I had a new boss and different work.  I lasted about 2 months or so then bye bye.  The lady who was my boss liked me and brought donuts my last day.  That was the only time that ever happened, ever.

I got a job in late 1989 that lasted until March 1990 that was my last job with the service.  This time it was data entry, the most complicated job I got out of them the whole time I was there.  I was actually on a COMPUTER not filing, or stamping, or photocopying, or taking out staples etc…I got fired from that job. I screwed up and I won’t say what I did.  They never mentioned what I did.  Instead they said I had an “attitude” problem so they had to let me go.  I know they were spying on me but were too scared to say it.  Back then, spying on people while they worked was sort of declasse.  I then went and became a janitor for awhile which sucked since I had to walk there and back having got rid of my car that did not work.  The man that cleaned bathrooms came onto me and I hated that.  I had one floor of an office building sans restrooms to complete then go home.  It did not pay the rent.  I had to move back home.  I quit the janitorial job and went to Job Service from my folks house and got one of the worst jobs I ever had.

I was put alone in a room to file these computer punch cards that are no longer used.  That job lasted 3 weeks.  They worked with aerospace companies doing clerical stuff I guess.  I was alone in a cold air conditioned room.  When I took breaks/lunch this other employee, this little Asian man, would fake punch me and pretend he was going to attack me.  He told me he knew Karate.  I was glad to leave even though I cried all the way home when I was fired.

I went to a school for “underemployed” and people getting off welfare to learn word processing.  It lasted 3 months.  After graduation, I got my one and only job with a real company doing real work.  I had benefits even though it was considered a semi-temporary job.  Too bad I was young and didn’t get sick.  I did get new glasses and my teeth fixed when I worked there.  My teeth did not go bad until a few years later when I had no Dental.  Despite endless promises they would hire us, it was bye bye after 2 years.

I stayed on unemployment for a few months then got a job at the worst temp agency I ever worked at.  I thought it was a good idea because the owners of the company knew my family…I actually got yelled at for doing that without asking by my parents.  Was I a dog?  No, a ti, and didn’t know it yet.  My first assignment was data entry typing ad copy for the paper.  It was ok even though people were snotty and left me out.  The only problem was that I ran out of work.  I had nothing to do.  So, one day, I did a crossword puzzle after asking for more work a half dozen times.  The boss saw me and I was fired.  It lasted a week or so.  I got another job for a tiny bit somewhere else doing some other office scut work but ended quickly.  Then I got sent to the worst job of all.

It was the “papers” again.  This time I actually found my ex-boyfriend working there as a regular employee.  It was one of the largest insurance companies in the world, I’ll say that.  He was temp to hire. He had turned gay and was living with a man twice his age after a failed marriage.  He was liked.  He didn’t work on my floor.  From day one I was HATED, THE SCAPEGOAT.  The boss was this sort of unfeeling gal that always wore the same type of outfit every day.  She hated me too.  My coworkers included a bitter man who happened to be neighbors to someone who I knew, weird.  Another co worker was a mean black girl who was supposed to be some kind of super duper Christian who spent all day in church Sunday.  She was mean as a snake and laughed at me.  There was another lady who was very overweight and growing out of her clothes.  The man, a native American, laughed at her all day, saying her “headlights” were showing.  I lasted there about 5 hellish weeks.  I was glad to get fired for a “bad attitude” or whatever.  I never got another assignment from them and learned the nephew of the owners lived in my neighborhood when I got stuck in the hood.  He was perpy and weird and bought something from my family and tried to not pay for it.  My sister loooved him though.  Some girls gotta have a gay friend.  I went up to our local food bank in the neighborhood and was rudely treated by a gay volunteer and my food smelled funny when I got home.  The volunteer must have known my sister’s friend because he was all like “there she is” when I came in.  da da da.

After that I worked at that famous Scottish restaurant flipping burgers and “closing” for about 6 months.  I also dished out hot dogs on game days for another famous corporation and went to school to become a gasp! Line Cook.  I was almost 30 and already a born loser.  I was beginning to wonder why I was having such a hard time getting a start in life…

One thing all these jobs had in common was that I learned few to no new skills with each new position.  It was as if someone was determined I would never learn a marketable skill.  It was all scut work.  It took more skills to make burgers and fries and pies at Mickey D’s than to do those “office” jobs I got.  Pure worthless.  By the time I turned 30 I was a prep cook, taking the bus and having no health insurance.  Stay tuned for the next installment.

P.S. I forgot the week or so I delivered phone books for some greedy company that paid piecework rate.

Temp Jobs of Shame Pt.1

Someone wanted to know about all my lovely experiences in the er, job market before I went on the dole.  I cannot post them all–but my temp follies were sort of funny.  I got into “temping” at the urging of a friend because I had been complaining of the food service jobs I had been getting.  He said I could work in an office (turns out not all the time I also did factory work, grrr) and not work night hours (most of the time, I had one evening job) and be able to plan what to do since we would not be at the mercy of a food service scheduler who would want us to work nights, weekends, etc…Right after I started “temping” my friendship with this person stopped as we broke up but that is another story for another time.

It started with the shoes.  I had found the worst job in the world:  prepping shoes for the sales floor. It had started as a temp job at a mall my mother had found. Once I got the “job” I left the mall and went to work in the “hood” which is where I live now, actually, and had to commute in my ancient car.  It would be a short bus ride now.

It had irregular hours, I was always “on call”, and all the job consisted of was opening cases of shoes, taking the paper and other debris off them, putting a huge ugly security tag thru them and putting price tags on.  It was the most depressing job.  I was alone in the back room.   Sometimes I’d do 100s of men’s shoes in a color called “puce” which is a vomit gray color.  After the shoes were processed all I did was put them on a cart and roll them onto the sales floor–then open more cases of shoes.  My friend got a temp office job and told me it was more dignified.

It was my entry into the temp world, where I would find most of my jobs the length of my work history.  He quit the job right before I got on so I didn’t work with him.

The first temp job was not so bad.  It was filing in a nice office environment with a bunch of other temps.  I was assigned there twice.  The second time around people seemed meaner to me.  I also might have met my first perp there.  I told the story on my old blog how I went to lunch with a work friend and this other “woman” who tore me to pieces when I got up to go to the bathroom.  Still it was not the worst job I got thru the temp services .

There was this particular job I got all the time…I’ll call it “the papers”.  I got sent to do this about half a dozen times or more despite my education, etc…  It consisted of taking documents, packets of documents and files of documents and taking staples etc out and separating them and sticking the individual documents on white paper with tape to be microfilmed.  It was a boring thankless job.  The first time I did the “papers” was probably in 1988 and the last time was in 1995 when I complained and was put into a cold garage to do something else idiotic with old files. I got sick.  I worked with a woman who sat there and said God D***t all day just to get to me because I was a new convert.  Perp, probably.  She’d come in in a dress and combat boots.

I worked at several temp places starting in 1986 and the last assignment I did was probably 1996.  After that I rang the bell for Aunt Sally and worked at Mickey D’s for the second time.  My work history is the stuff of nightmares.  From 1979 when I had a paper route until 2009 when I quit the only job I ever really liked, it was one thing after another.  I have the trashiest job history in the world.  I’ve even been fired from volunteer jobs.

Stay tuned for more.

My Precious…LOL

my precious

Who is the person in your life who can do no wrong? Describe this person and tell us why you hold them in such high esteem

Do I hold them in high esteem or do I merely exempt them from blame? It would be my cat since the only person who can REALLY do no wrong is Jesus Christ and right now I’m sort of um, mad, at Him.

OK the malefactor that I exempt from wrong is feline. An overweight fuzzy female feline. She bites my toes when I lie in bed, lies down with her ass to me, sneezes in my face, scratches me when I want to pet her, wants to drink my bath water, begs for my dinner then refuses it,, wants to go out at 3am and poundingly kneads me and lays on top of me when I won’t.

But…she’s my precious. She also hisses and growls if you have to cut something out of her fur. Soooo precious.  She also takes over my only chair and leaves me an edge.  My precious baby.

Had a hard time coming up with something

Textures are everywhere: The rough edges of a stone wall. The smooth innocence of a baby’s cheek. The sense of touch brings back memories for us.

The hard cold feel of the fake leather upholstery of my first two old cars on a winter morning with torn pieces sticking out and pieces of fluff escaping.  It was really uncomfortable before the car heated up but not as uncomfortable as getting on a bus full of leering perps.

Natural Fireworks

Tell us about a time when you were left on your own, to fend for yourself in an overwhelming situation — on the job, at home, at school.

I was caught alone on July 4 (another time) when severe thunderstorms arrived and I was far away from the bus, yet again on the same street that I got caught on during a winter walk. I tried pressing myself against buildings to stay dry and watched lightning flash across the sky.

At first I was at the park caught in a picnic shelter that was not adequate with 10 or so other people. I left when the rain stopped to avoid being caught out at night but ended up stuck anyway since it was so far to the bus.  The one that got me to the park had stopped running.  It was Sunday to boot. One storm after another came over me. A mile or so away, I went to Mickey D’s for coffee to get out of the rain a little then had to head on.  That was when it got bad with heavy rain and lightning.

I had to stop at a bar to go to the bathroom and I must have looked a sight.

Finally, I made it wet and cold to the same bus shelter. The bus came and I went home and determined to never go to July 4th fireworks alone again (after this and the other situation of the missed bus and the long walk).

Bad stuff always happens on that side of town when I go.  It has an evil vibe.