Now for the Post…oh no

It seems as if I’m ahem sorta outta psychiatry…if you do not know the back story my “friend” C who used to take me places called my very own therapist who used to pretend to be my best friend and told her God knows what about me.  2 Cop Cars showed up with lites flashing along with an appearance challenged old man with a clipboard.  C and I had had a phone argument and now my very own BFF therapist was calling COPS on me.  I had not threatened to hurt him or myself or even my “neighbor” who has moved at last, but, there they were.  I sent them away w/o letting them in, then angrily called my therapist demanding to know what went on after squeeeeezing the info outta C that he did call my therapist.  She defended herself in phone messages and then in PERSON last December saying she thought she did what was right.    She would not meet me at a middle ground no matter how many chances I gave her because she was like, my BFF therapist, right?  Naw.

So I fired her.  Then my shrink wanted to be next and transfer me back to my old office near me.  Fine.  She said she’d contact her boss and it would be done but she sounded vague like she might only do it so I made another appointment with her which I kept by the way since I was never transferred or called.  I had my second 7 minute appointment with her since being in the same room with me is not good to my well my ex-shrink.  So now for “treatment” besides the pills, I have had TWO 7 minute appointments with Dr. Bitch and my pills renewed since last December.  I saw Dr. Thang the first of the month.  Memorial Day was yesterday.  No call, nothing.  Ms. thang, the shrink, told me to NOT make another appointment with her since the transfer WOULD BE DONE this time.  I suggested that she talk to her boss in person instead of emailing him since he does not read his emails.

Later that day, after a perp filled long commute back “home” (yes I spent over 2 hours on pub transportation and walking and 7 bucks on goodies plus 5 for the bus/train for a 7 minute appointment) I called the office again and actually got a person.  This young woman checked and said that indeed Dr. Thang had EMAILED her boss again. I have no “care”, which is OK by me except I’m addicted to the pills I started taking in 2011 after the perps made my life hell with demonic attacks.

So I could drink, do pot, etc to try and taper the pills when the prescription runs out.  Free of psychiatry again.  Woo Hoo.  I thought Julie Greene was exaggerating when she spoke of her poor treatment by “mental health professionals”.  Not really.  Guess I’ve had pretty good ones up to this point…some dogs, but not as bad as what I’ve been going thru.  Also they weighted the scale since I weighed 5 pounds more there than I did at home.  I spent more time getting weighed and blood pressure than being seen by the Doktor.

V2k is threatening me not to post this.

P.S.  C. and I were “back together” for awhile after that and he blamed ME for my therapist doing that saying she probably wanted to get rid of me anyway and then proceeded to tell my other “friend” about it.  BFF therapist seemed a little cooler at the new office and sat behind a big desk and wore huge glasses and didn’t compliment me when I tried to dress up for sessions. Still, she had booked me 2 sessions in advance before C. called her.

PPS My landlady tried to call there to get me in trouble for gettin angry with a perp bum but they gave her the bum rush, telling her I was “being transferred”.  Sure.

PPPS  My BFF “therapist” who always laughed with me like I was funnier than TV has changed her number.  I never tried to call her to get back together.  A little overkill?  Maybe the reptoids are giving her a big promotion for hurting me but I kept hearing patients being given reminder calls to see her as I waited for my 7 minute appointment with the Thang, so I think she is still a rank and file therapist.

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Heartless Bitch

The man who takes me to appointments, etc…is not talking to me AGAIN.

Used to be, I went to my own appointments and used the city bus system to travel all over town.  Then I was threatened several times on various errands.  Two I can remember are a large 20 or so group of high schoolers threatening me as I left the store with bags to go to the bus.  I did not turn around or look at them.  Later, I was on the way to another store, and a bunch of adults started in on me the whole trip across town.  The conversation had racial overtones and ended around the time I got off the bus with “just harassing her isn’t enough, we need to get physical.”

This man had been helping out my “friend” for years and then he started to pick me up for my appointments as well.  At first he was so kind, not just taking me to appointments but paying for things as well.   He even paid for things I could never afford on my own.  I came to know that there was a “catch”.  He wanted sex.  I never gave him any.  Now, I’m less attractive than when he used to come pick me up and he started taking things out on me after Trump won in 2016, like it was my fault.

We have been on and off ever since. It culminated last Fall when I had a fallout with my “friend” and I suspected he had something to do with it,  After a month or so, I wasn’t talking to him, either.  Then my therapist betrayed me.  I think she got a promotion for it since she can’t be found at her old office.  I think this man, C., has been taking orders from the perps for years now.  I still remember the wild signalling he did when we went thru a podunk town because he was so scared to be seen with me.  You know, the nose scraping and forehead swiping…the Stasi stuff.

I have not been talking to my “friend” recently since she has been a little weird since she had a month’s hospital stay.  I went to her house in January and she kept getting me up all night asking if I would bathe her cats even though I told her I was getting sick and maybe not up to it.  She woke me at 1am and told me if I did not bathe her cats I could go home in winter getting sick.  She repeated her performance in the early morning.  Later, her housekeeper at the time was trying to wash her cats and had no idea what he was doing at about 9am so I did wash the cats even though they did not need it.  Then she gave away her cats, the main reason I liked to visit her since she is not much of a friend anymore.  You can’t have a conversation with her and she’s a compulsive TV addict staying up all night to watch TV and sleeping around all day when things need to get done.

After the hospital, she came with laundry to my house two times  but without her soap (had to use mine) and did it herself which meant running the clothes through 3 times at least each load.  The last time she came I told her to bring dinner and then she could wash.  She “forgot” her soap again and brought this bizarre spinach pizza to which I added some pepperoni and some sausage.  I cooked the pizza and she scraped off the meat.  Does she think I would poison her?  If so, the juices from the meat already cooked into the pizza.  Then, she did not talk to me as she did her laundry.  After that I did not want much to do with her and she stopped calling me except to “invite” me to free things like church dinners and “free” meetings with free food.  I’m poor but I hate that shit, plus, I somehow “run into” some of those people I tried to be friends with ten years ago.

Somehow, I fell back in with C. after busing it with my landlady a couple of months.  He started to pick me up and to take me to appointments/stores again.  He seemed OK.  He was buying lunch again for me and even slipped me a bit of cash here and there.  We disagree on many things but had no fights.  He even took me on an out of town excursion one day for a few hours.  He never goes too far, always within an hour of “home”.  I thought things were smooth with him again even though it was not optimal.  I preferred to hang out with my friend but something broke last Fall and it has never been fixed and this ain’t her first Rodeo with me.  Last time she “came back” to be friends with me was supposed to be the LAST CHANCE and even then I had sworn to have nothing to do with her since she had avoided me for a year.  She drove to my house against my permission and we sort of took it from there.  But that’s another story.

Lately, my friend has been calling me to take her out for her birthday but I don’t want to.  I spent Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, Passover, Easter and every weekend alone except for one since last October and she can’t expect me to pony up the big bucks for dinner.  I told her I did not owe her that.  Plus, when she takes me out she does not use her own money but C’s!!!!  She is not broke.  She has the money and a newish SUV!!!  I wish he would stop getting between us.  Last Fall I begged C. to stay away from us and he refused.  I think he’s getting his kicks playing us off against one another.  It’s his entertainment to destroy us since he is retired and pretty much alone and distant from his wife who holds the purse strings or else he would be gone.  She and her family have the big bucks and he likes the lifestyle.

He called me last Monday and started acting really suspicious.  He asked me what I was doing and I told him nothing but hanging out, helping my landlady clean an empty apt, and Bible Study.  He said “what ELSE are you doing?” Which sounded odd.  He continued to act like I was hiding something from him and then we said goodbye.  I called him on Thursday about something and he started picking a FIGHT with me about of all things Alex Jones!!!!!  He started to carry on about Newtown which happened almost 5 years ago and how Jones was saying it was a false flag.  This is nothing new to the conspiracy community.  He said, “do YOU think it’s a false flag?” and I said maybe.  Then he sort of steered the conversation around (bait and switch) and started saying “don’t you CARE ABOUT THE KIDS?”  Sorry Charlie, I did not know the KIDS so I don’t care at this point.  I was shocked and saddened when I heard about it but thought the shooter was a ti.  He started singing the “DON’T YOU CARE ABOUT THE KIDS?” shit and then I hung up on him.  I thought this shooter had taken out high school kids and frankly thought they were former harassers of his. Turns it was elementary kids.

Then, asshole calls me about an appointment this week and acts like nothing happened (eg. he can treat me any old way and act like nothing happened) and I brought up the argument again and he started with the song about the KIDS which is sounding funnier and more suspicious by the second, like, do I care about kids in general, do I ABUSE kids???  Like he was perping me and baiting me on this.  He ended the call with a loud FUCK YOU and proceeded to instantly call my “friend” to tell he he had “dropped” me.  He is a bitch and drama queen and I wish he would sod off, the perp ass.  He tore me and my friend apart last Fall somehow and I tried even blocking my phone against him but the phone co said it could not block that call.  I begged him to leave me and my friend alone and he said ‘he could not do that”.  Why?  Are your perp buddies paying you?  Did they tell you to pick a fight with me to “drop” me and make my life hell again?  Money, money, money.  Charlie is a HO

No I won’t take Her Highness to dinner when she milks Charlie for the cash to take me.  I use the little I get in my checks for her to order the most expensive thing on the menu then she turns and rends me by taking HIS money to take me out on my birthday.  I have done so much for her.  Pearls before swine.

I feel they are both playing me for a sucker.  I’m such a heartless BITCH…I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE KIDS…buwahahahahah.

Something about yesterday’s podcast

Yesterday’s podcast of Pineconeutopia pointed out the fact that ti Millicent Black had a romantic relationship with her perp before her harassment and electronic torture started.

I had a “boyfriend” that I broke off with (the one with the dad at Lockheed Martin) right before I noticed things were odd.  I was an outcast my whole life but now the weird stuff was happening like getting pulled over by police 6 times in a month and discovering people watching me…that was only the beginning of course.

I rejected this man and instead of him begging me to stay with him or asking me why I wanted to break up, he cruelly said “all my friends hate you” and started ripping me apart in the restaurant we were at.  I wanted to leave town to essentially be a groupie.  I did not see why this breakup would be such a big deal to him since he treated me like a second class girlfriend.

When I begged to move in with him to get away from my parents (pre religion days) he said “no”.  When I expressed an interest in a band coming to town he took someone else.  He never bought me a nice gift.  I felt like I was a place holder until he could get a “real” girlfriend.  I guess he just thought he wanted to control me and that I was a second class citizen and HOW DARE I break up with him!

I considered this man physically unattractive and really didn’t want to go out with him in the first place but he seemed very nice and at ease at first.  His family acted nicely towards me and since he had friends I had lots of “friend in laws” to hang out with as well as my boyfriend on Saturday night.  We did become physically involved which was a mistake since he was secretly gay at the time and was fooling around with one of his gay friends who later (not much later actually) died of aids.

After we “broke up” he got married to another woman and then they got divorced and both came out as gay!  Later, I caught up with him working a temp job that I lost really fast (did he talk about me?) and he was living with a man twice his age.  What a waste of two years of my life.

Which brings up the question:  am I a generational ti or did this man do this to me as revenge? There also was another man I went out with that seemed unusually hostile to me when I ran into him years after the breakup.

Millicent Black is unusually lucky to know who her real stalker is.  This man, who underwent extensive military training on how to survive (and inflict?) torture turned her whole town and even her family against her  My family fell, too.

She has had terrible physical torture as well and has had surgeries.  She knew this man since childhood but was never close until they went out together.  My “boyfriend” was Jewish and just one year younger so I thought I could trust him.

Pineconeutopia #11 on Covert Warfare is very educational on how someone might get gangstalked.  Ti Ramola D. has Millicent’s history on her Web site as well.

Hell on Earth

I do wonder sometimes:  as I go thru life merely existing in a punishment mode the perps created for me, and watch life go on all around me, and know I cannot participate, and realize there is no one to complain to;  I wonder if I have died, am dead, extinct, expired, etc…

Right after or right before this SHIT started I took a plane ride.  Did the plane really land?  Did it crash and I forgot I’m dead?  One of the few friends I had in this world had committed suicide when I was gone.  THIS greeted me when I got back.  I didn’t notice the surveillance/rude treatment until a few months later, but, looking back, I can see its early manifestations starting the year before–1986.  Is THIS a special punishment mode for hell-bound souls who are not “bad enough” for the fire/brimstone/demon routine?  This was years before I was “saved”.  Was I really saved?  Was my Salvation a delusion from the demons assigned to me to create a plausible “world” for me to “live” in whilst they punish my soul at leisure?

Right after it started, the few people who cared about me in this world started dying one by one leaving me no one to count on.  Did the people who *seemed* to care, really care?  Was that a delusion?  Did I die even younger, perhaps at sixteen, hitching around the country?

Slowly but surely the few places/situations where I would receive any human warmth/emotion/sympathy/empathy dwindled and died.  Everywhere, it was replaced by coldness and “perping”.  Even in church!  Jesus said that “hearts would grow cold” in Matthew 24.  It’s happening.

With the advent of cell phones, even my illusion of privacy died.  Everybody around me would whip out their cell phone if I showed up.  Soon everyone would taunt me with some phrase my perp supervisor at work directed at me–whispered of course as I went by.  It seemed the whole city had been replaced by cyborgs or demons.  It seemed as if my life was a lie, a delusion, a mere show put on for me for my everlasting punishment.  To get any peace at all, I found I had to isolate myself, further disconnecting myself from the society that seemed determined to disown me.

With the discovery that I was a ti, with all the stalking/harassment/mental death/mind control/regression/infantalization processes along with it, my whole life fell in.  After a brief interlude of hope that it was now “ending”,  I had a nervous breakdown without having a nervous breakdown.  I KNEW I could not show up at a hospital or therapist’s office (or the police!) with my story as I already knew what would happen from hard experience in other situations:  out would come the schizo pills.

So I hid my anguish the best I could, but, it came out anyway.  The last scraps of human interaction I had were destroyed.  I had the surety I needed to know that no one was to be trusted, and, when I did open up, I paid the price.  I isolated more.  I cried a lot.  I returned to my adolescent fantasy world.  I reached out to other targets on the Web to find most of them seemed to be informants for the enemy and/or unwilling to interact with me because they said their targeting “increased” when they interacted with me even online.  What, their targeting did not increase when they interacted with other targets?  Why just me?  I was at the center of a nightmare, alone.  All my online “friends” were feeding to the enemy everything I said to them in emails, messaging, and list servs.

It seems like life is a big reality show and everyone plays their “part”.  People act out “work”, “play”, “church”, “family time”, “vacations”, “birth”, “death”, “marriage”…all just a play.  It’s done by rote, without feeling.  It’s done automatically because if the parts aren’t played, and the lines not uttered, you are in “violation” and will be “punished”.  I don’t want to lend any validation to those debunkers who say ti’s have “Truman Show Syndrome” which is one of the newest “syndromes” to brush ti’s off into psychiatry where of course we can be readily and conveniently treated with the latest “no side effects”  neuroleptic brain death pills supplied by the hydra-headed Big Pharm to keep all “citizens” dumbed down to the level of controllable human pet.  This is no Truman Show.  This is reality for thousands if not millions of innocent “citizens” who suffer in silence for years and decades on end with the only outlet being these blogs, You Tube Channels, and conference calls.  The blogs and videos are seen mainly only by other targets, perps, and other apparatuses of the Modern Nightmare.

I still wonder though…how can it be real?  How can there be no comfort?  Even PRAYING is scant comfort, as my mind is read, and prayers (they say) are answered by PERPS.  The Word of God becomes void when the Word says only God knows your heart when the perps mindread 24/7/365 and even script your dreams.  God must go even deeper than what the satanic technology reads with machines in order to maintain His Sovereignty since God is not the top authority if trash like perps can see into your deepest soul.  Where is God’s comfort?  Where is my fellowship with God if satanists read my mind?  I’ve even tried to obtain a “prayer language” or “tongues” to talk to God so the perps would not know what I was talking about.

Where is the fellowship with other Christians?  The few “Christians” I’ve met since the very beginning honeymoon phase back in the 1990s are shills for the enemy using their “life story” and “faith” to draw me out and even set me up for more pain.  Is this how it’s supposed to be?  It can’t be.  Even in Paul’s depth of hardship and privations he had fellowship with God.  His Roman handlers could not read his mind.  He didn’t have armies of paid stalkers shadowing his movements and putting on skits for his misery.  Even Jesus’ suffering came to an end.  Were those hours like an eternity?

I have felt the loss of fellowship with God and the inability to REALLY pray or enjoy the Bible for YEARS.  I must be in Hell.  No one bothered to tell me.  I’m actually dead, that’s all.

I took lots of risks when young, maybe one of them didn’t work out.  Maybe the perception I was “blessed” and “protected” by God was a delusion.  Maybe I angered God when young and never even had the chance to be “saved”.  I wasn’t a very nice person, but neither was anyone else that nice to me.  Even as a child, I felt people were not acting in my best interest and my parents’ advice was poor and just designed to demoralize me.  It was no help at all.

I go out and everyone is in on it.  Cars go by with staring sneering perps.  Other perps walk by with dirty looks.  Some with insults.  Some with threats.  Sometimes under their breath but now (2017) right out loud.  Some perps have their faces twisted into satanic glee with a sort of sheen or glow on them.  Store clerks are rude. I see cops all the time.  People will go out of their way to try and engage me in “conversations” that are merely info gathering.  It’s just another way to add to the profile they have on me to attack me better.  They try to get me to relax, feel comfortable around them, and feel I’ve found a “friend”.  I have fallen for this crap too many times.  I took one of those people into my home because he was homeless years ago.  What a mistake.

How long will the charade last before I’m dropped into the fire along with my perps and all other sinners?  I feel separated from God, STILL.  The world is dead, cold and fake.  I’m smelling fraud.  I used to sit in one of the religious services I could still go to and see evil clinging to every smirking face in the room.  God would never let the world go so far into evil that it seemed a suburb of Hell, or would He?  He allowed the Holocaust, the murders of Stalin’s regime, the murders of Mao Tse Tung’s regime and others even before I was born.

Most of their victims were Atheists who did not believe in the Afterlife, but not all.  The Jews still have an unclear vision of the Afterlife and they did then, too.  Is all this bloody “history” I’ve learned fake as well?  People talk about reality shifting.  Is being a ti living in a parallel reality while others enjoy life?

Are all the historic wars, slaughters, diseases and storms all just a construct of demonic handlers?  Is there a kinder, gentler alternate reality?  Life is sure cheap in this one.  How could God choose HUMANS as His Chosen?  Are other sentinents  even worse?  Are they only the demons?  Are there really Aliens out there?

The only answer I have is the End is here, and hearts have truly gone cold.  Real human emotion is very rare and usually extinct in a ti’s everyday life.  A ti can become cold him or herself:  regressed, infantalized, dulled to evil–eventually a suicide, an early death, or a perp recruit.  Any ti who resists the dehumanizing gets punished more or taken out.  The future of a psychocivilized, infantalized, stupid race of human pets is upon us.  People will be medicated numbed and controlled from cradle to grave.  Let’s get real.  It’s happening now.

Learning and scholarship will die except if the learning has to do with even more technologies to further animalize humans and to create a tiny “master race” to control the human slaves.  School is a place of indoctrination, a place to learn to conform and to “get along”.  Learning, even at the college level, is truly minimal.  Your whole life now is controlled and planned by the handlers before you are born.

People follow fashion, music, movies, and reality TV shows for their “religion”.  Evangelical religion and any other Fundamental religion is only used as a babysitting service to control those whose lives went haywire with “substance abuse” or crime.  Those who refuse to imbibe substances or get an STD and get into the prison/12-step/ever-recovering oh I’m sooo spiriTOOL pseudo religious path will be given Eating Disorders via Voice to Skull to take up their precious time and money.  Others will spend so much time at “work” that they do not live at all.  Others spend hours online or in front of the TV, the main brainwashing tool in the controller’s arsenal.  A FEW people will be allowed to pursue what seems to be REAL careers in business or the “arts”.  Even THEY will obey and if they rebel, they will be promptly targeted.

The evangelical religions will be run by high level handlers of the controllers.  Any “convert” who thinks for themselves will be “put out” of church or ostracized so much going to church is useless.  The Pious Web toodlers who spew Scripture verses by the dozen to refute a comment and impress and silence others from commenting on religious matters will be satan’s chief ones.  As said before, the Religion of the Twelve Steps will be provided for those who resist compulsive TV watching or controlled organized religion.  Otherwise, the out of control, non-psychocivilized, non pet humans who have gone wild on “substances” or even THOUGHT are put in jails, halfway houses, mental institutions or simply targeted.

Who knows when the Earth ceased to be a place for humans to be born, grow, thrive, and develop their relationship with God?  Was it after WWII?  Was it over 200 years ago when the Illuminati merged with the Freemasons?  Was it back in ancient Egypt?

When did the SNITCH become a respectable person?  Remember when snitches were laughed off or even “got stitches”?  Secrets and lies replace human relationships.  The controllers would set their throne above God’s.  Of course they will lose…in the bye and bye.

The 21st Century has become Hell on Earth.