ARE YOU A TI??? HERE ARE SOME SYMPTOMS OF GANGSTALKING.

What is going on?  You have been asking yourself this for months, even years…life is no longer good.

Have you been having trouble in your life lately?  Have you been bullied, marginalized, set up, slandered and generally treated horribly for some time now?  Does something seem odd about your life–not just the average trials of living?  You could be a targeted individual.  This is a revised version of a post I did in 2009 on the old blog.  There are many facets to this crime but they can be mainly separated into a few categories:

  • Organized Harassment
  • Electronic Harassment/Hands-off Torture
  • Mind Control
  • Spiritual Harassment

The nasty tricks these “perps” can use is limited only by their sick imaginations.  By a combination of street perps with handheld technology like smartphones and tablets, Directed Energy Weapons, Mind Reading Towers, The Hive Mind, Occult Curses, Spiritual Abuse and plain old bullying, the possibilities are endless.  Most targeted individuals aren’t aware of their condition and end up going the “mental health” route and get damaging psychiatric drugs while the Gangstalking and Torture continues.  That is not to say that some people may be mentally ill and having symptoms similar to the ones I will list, but if you feel you are basically functional, and especially if you had a “normal” life before the changes began, you may be a ti.  There are also targeted individuals that are actually mentally ill.  Mentally ill or physically disabled people make easier targets–a person could be “crazy” and still be a target.  I also think perps might like to go after people with high functioning Autism–people who seem normal in many ways but have lousy social skills.  I might be one of them.

These symptoms are only my opinion.  There are thousands of ti sites now.  Read a variety of them.

I.  Organized Stalking

  1. Do people seem rude or cold to you wherever you go?
  2. Are people nice at first then quit being friends?  Is it impossible to keep friends?
  3. Are you getting poor service by contractors and mechanics?  Are cars and trucks gunning their motors up and down your street, even speeding up alleys?  Are you hearing a lot of honking or EMS sirens?
  4. Is your car always breaking down?  Is your computer slow, full of viruses, or dying a premature death?
  5. Are you missing important mail?  Is your mail late?  Have you been penalized for late bills that were delivered late?  Is your mail ripped, stamped with boot marks or looking damaged regularly?  Is a little flap ripped off the top of your flap on the corner so someone can read a personal letter?
  6. Are people on the street regularly making odd gestures at you?  Are you getting “nose swipes”, people touching their hair, touching their bellies, etc…(look up Stasi Hand Signals).  Are you being ID’d by strangers to other strangers in public?  e.g….”that’s her” as they go by?
  7. Are people muttering insults as you go by or by your window?  Are perfect strangers giving you dirty looks on a regular basis?
  8. Are you losing friends and not making new ones?
  9. Are your new friends sort of weird and odd and seem to have an agenda?  Do they become very bossy and oppressive and inquisitive after a short while?
  10. Are you recently separated, divorced, or broken up with a significant other?
  11. Are you going to get some money in an inheritance?
  12. Do strangers act hateful, even threatening, around you?
  13. Do strangers try to start arguments with you in public places?  Has it ever escalated to a physical fight?  Have police been called?  Were the police automatically on the instigators side and NOT even willing to listen to you?
  14. Do drivers have their brights shining on you as you drive or walk at night?  Do cars park or position themselves to shine their lights in your window when at home or stationary, like at a bus stop?  Are you followed when driving despite many turns to lose your tail?  Do you get someone slow ahead of you in your lane especially on a two lane road and then get another driver on your tail essentially pinning you in?  Do you get it on 4 sides on the highway?  Do drivers pretend to jump out in front of you from side streets or drift towards you like they would side swipe you?
  15. Is your family acting strangely?  Are they treating you differently?  Are you being left out of family functions?  Do you feel marginalized by your family when you were important to them before?  Are you/have you always been the “black sheep” of your family on the other hand?
  16. Do co-workers you don’t like or your “ex’s” friends seem to just “show up” around town when you are out?
  17. Have you been pressed to see a psychiatrist when you make valid complaints about poor treatment?
  18. Is your boss unwilling to promote you?  Is your formerly friendly boss now suspicious of and “rides your ass” at work?  Are your hours getting cut e.g. in food service jobs?  Are your professors/teachers “grading you down” for work you have gotten a higher grade for in the past?  Do your teachers ignore your comments in class, and are rude to you out of class?
  19. Do you find odd paraphernalia left on the ground for you?  Is it usually a small coin such as a penny, nickel or dime?  Is it something that relates to your life?  Could it be perceived as a threat?  Does this happen a lot?
  20. Do people all seem to be wearing the same color clothing on certain days?  Are they wearing the color you are wearing?  Do you see cars of the same color around town on some days?  Do people wear a lot of red around you?
  21. Are you being persistently bullied at work and social activities?

This is the FIRST PART THAT WAS SAVED THE REST WAS ERASED INTO THIN AIR EVEN THOUGH IT IS SUPPOSED TO AUTO SAVE EVERY 20 SECONDS.

II.  Electronic Harassment.

  1. Are you getting sharp sting-like pains for no reason?  Do you suddenly get severe itching at night when you want to sleep?
  2. Do you get pains in the heart area without any signs of heart disease?  Do you have unexplained headaches that are not part of a physical condition?
  3. Do you have trouble sleeping?  Are you “jolted awake” just as you doze off?  Do you have nightmares on a regular basis?  On the other hand, do you sleep too much?
  4. Are you always tired after minor exertion?
  5. Have you had a sudden onset of a severe illness such as diabetes, cancer, MS, lupus where you were previously healthy and these conditions do NOT run in your family?
  6. Has your physical appearance seemed to deteriorate rapidly?  Are you prematurely aging?  Are you gaining weight quickly due to stress overeating?  Losing quickly due to extreme anxiety?
  7. Are you greying SLOWER THAN NORMAL?
  8. Do you have strange dreams with repetitive themes such as rejection?
  9. Do you have strange pain in certain areas of you body–especially at home and in certain rooms?  Have you felt the need to more your sleeping place due to lack of sleep?  Do you sleep better away from home?
  10. Do you have vertigo with no cause that lasts and lasts?
  11. Are you weaker on one side now?  Is there no explanation?
  12. Do you feel heart palpitations?/fast heartbeat?
  13. Do you catch constant “colds” or infections that run on for months and only go away as summer comes?
  14. Do you have little “accidents” at home and away?  Do you fall while walking for no reason–feeling like you were tripped or pushed down?  Do you bump into things and have lots of bruises?  Do you cut yourself accidentally and there is no PHYSICAL CAUSE FOR ANY OF THESE THINGS?
  15. Do you have dental problems where your teeth were healthy before?
  16. Do you get sexually stimulated at odd and inappropriate times and are made to feel guilty and dirty?
  17. Do you get feeling “heated up” or cooked when you think the “wrong thing” or are emotionally incited?  Do you wake up drenched with sweat at night every hour or so?

OK HERE IS PART II.

III.  Mind Control

  1. Have you started to hear “voices” that emanate inside your head, from the wall, from an appliance with a motor running like a refrigerator, fan, or heater?  Does no one else hear them.  Do they sound like people you know as in co workers, family or even friends?
  2. Have you been having intrusive thoughts, usually negative, at just the wrong time?  If you do, you will know what I mean.
  3. Are weird coincidences happening in your life where it seems you are prophetic, as in dreams, or opinions that are strange that turn out to be right?  Do you see odd combinations of numbers popping up on license plates or even the clock as you look at it?  They can be repetitive numbers usually “666” or “333” or “999” or “111”.  They can also represent dates like birth dates or death dates or other important dates like anniversaries especially if you are estranged from the person.
  4. Do you see “visions” with your eyes closed that are disturbing and negative?  Have you seen “visions” with your eyes open?
  5. Do you seem to “haunted” by dead friends, relatives, co workers, etc..in public by lookalike actors?  Do they act negative towards you? Some people even see lookalikes of dead celebrities and politicians….haven’t seen Nixon yet!
  6. Do you have  trouble concentrating on things that were easy before?
  7. Do you have some memory loss/forgetting words/forgetting names/appointments etc…at times?
  8. Are you having trouble grasping difficult concepts you were able to learn before?  Are you having trouble concentrating on any in-depth reading (such as philosophy or theology or science) that you enjoyed before?
  9. Are you suddenly clumsy in public and bump into people and things and knock them over?  Is your balance or spatial cognizance off?  Do your feel social ineptness you didn’t have before, or overcame?
  10. Have you experienced FORCED SPEECH either muttered or spoken aloud that are inappropriate or disturbing in public or even in private with windows open and a perp outside?
  11. Do you have trouble speaking fluently?  Do you stammer when you didn’t before?  Do you scramble words in a sentence?  Do you speak “word salad” at times?  Do you sound like an uneducated rube in public but sound much better on “paper”?
  12. Do you feel your mind is being read and is confirmed by a reaction when you “think something” to someone?  Do you have “conversations” with the Voice to Skull?
  13. Does Voice to Skull badger you and torment you all day with threats and ridicule?

OK HERE’S PART THREE

IV.  Spiritual–the part they want me to leave out.

  1. Do you feel farther from God?  Cold towards God?
  2. Do you hear voices telling you they are God and you are going to Hell?
  3. Are bad things happening to you all the time?
  4. Do you feel a sense of oppression or bondage in your life?
  5. Do you feel cursed?  Is a blessing sent into your life and reversed?
  6. Have witches or other occultists taken up residence around you or gotten hired at your job?  Do previously religious friends seem to be “falling away” from their previous devotion to their religion?
  7. Do you feel your prayers are blocked?
  8. Do you feel God has turned His Back?  Have you been told you have demons?
  9. Do you no longer feel happiness or joy?  Do you rarely laugh?  Is the laugh shallow and stops soon?
  10. Do you get panic/anxiety attacks upon awakening?  All the time?  When you do something the perps don’t want you to do?
  11. Are you falling away from your own religion?
  12. Is it HARD TO PRAY, praise, or contact God in any way?

These are just some of the symptoms of targeting.  Almost all mimic physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual trouble.  Sometimes the things you feel are real symptoms of real disorders, so see a doctor or religious leader if in doubt.

If you “have” most or a whole lot of these symptoms happening in your life at the same time or over a period of time you may be targeted!

Lil Stalker

Today I have been in a horrible mood because of yesterday and having to cook all day in the heat (unappreciated) and something else perpy.  I was going nuts when I decided to Google my sister AGAIN.  I am sorry to admit I sort of “stalk” her online to find out what’s going on with her since she does not talk to me.  For once, I hit ‘pay dirt”.  I found a short blog from her about some HEART SURGERY she had 2 years ago.  I wrote the post To my Estranged Sister right around that time while she was miserable and recovering from surgery! There is something psychic or spiritual about that–I mean, thinking of her right after she had surgery!

Turns out, she has had heart disease for years!  It’s related to her brush with Cancer back in the 1980’s!  I never knew.  Her aortic valve had been closing and she needed a transplanted aortic valve from a cow!  That was major major surgery, even more than the abdominal surgery I had in 2010!  She was in ICU and they sent me to the ward after the operation!

She spent a week? in the hospital, maybe more, but when she came out started to exercise right away even though she barely could!  Her list of symptoms put me to shame!  My stomach shit gave me gas attacks and bad heartburn, etc and lower lung function, but, she had been going downhill for years!

Her last post is 2 weeks? post op and she had BURNING in her chest!  My incision after the first week or so mainly itched!  Same operation stuff, though.  Can’t sit, can’t stand, can’t lie down.  I remember those long nights listening to Dr. Laura and to Coast to Coast until I finally fell asleep sitting up against the bed board. 

I am assuming that she is recovered now but wonder how long her lifespan is with a broken heart.  I do wish she would call or write.  I’m afraid one day I’ll discover she died an early death!  She will be 50 next year which is excellent since I did not think she would even live until 21 after she had Cancer at 19!!

My eldest nephew will graduate High School next year as well.  When she called me the morning of our Father’s funeral she acted crabby and you know…I had no idea she might have been feeling bad. I always thought she came away from her Cancer in good health.  I have not set eyes on her in 12 1/2 years, but, got a pic of her (in a hospital bed!)  She looked like I did a few years ago!  We could pass as twins!  I’m fatter and have more wrinkles now, however than she did in that pic, but, I saw myself and our mother looking back at me on that page!

She looked the way I looked at 42 or so!  OK 35, ya’ll. And she was 46!  Better skin care products and probably not as much junk food.  I managed to see a sort of blurry pic of her at a picnic with her husband and one nephew.  She was wearing glasses.

I sort of feel bad about playing the “stalker” online but she is my only sister.  I have no one else.  Our parents are dead and my Aunts and Uncles are dead and I have no contact with cousins.  Please, please, please N. would you call me?

E.

 

 

 

Don’t listen to the Devil

Summer is finally here.  Next month will be my SEVENTH anniversary of hearing I “lost my salvation”.  God has never restored or reassured me that things were OK between us again even after I gave up all my bad habits, took to Bible study, even gave up pork for awhile, fasted once a week, etc….

It all started (I mean my 7 years of Backsliding) when the Devil or a demon spoke in my head (or voice to skull) saying, “it’s been 8 years since you were saved and your live has not changed.  God is ripping you off! You are still fat (this was the one), still single, still poor, still living in filth! You even got turned down for weight loss surgery! Look at this! Do you see a change???”

This was right after a rock idol of mine died and I took it way too hard after bragging to others that even if one of my rock idols dies I won’t be sad because I have Jesus now.  It was a bolt from the blue.

That very evening after I heard of his odd tragic death (they all kind of die that way don’t they?  What about Prince, Whitney Houston, and Micheal Jackson?)  I was depressed and speechless and some voice came in my ear and said that God was “ripping me off” and sort of implying I didn’t have God at all!

I responded to that voice (not having heard of talking demons or V2k) with rebellion against God.  It started small and grew.  I tried to rein myself in about a year after the death and go back on the path but I wasn’t really as serious as I was before.  I found out a former friend died in early 2005 and fell deep into sin after that.  I also found out I was a ti for real in 2005 and felt God had indeed ripped me off.  The reasoning was that if He didn’t care I wouldn’t care.  But, even though my life sucked He did care.  He removed all His blessings on my life one by one over the next 5 years until, on July 26, 2010 I heard a loud voice that vibrated my whole body tell me that I lost my Salvation. It was early in the morning when I woke up.  At first, I thought it was V2k and got over it after a day.  Then, the attacks came.  I heard voices telling me I was no good, and that God thought I was trash, I had nightmares, depression, insomnia and things got so bad I had to go to the ER with an anxiety attack in January 2011.

I had already got myself connected with Christians online to try and work this out.  At first, they told me the “devil” was talking to me and I needed to reform my behavior and come back to God. I needed to pray, fast, read the Bible, give up rock music, fantasies, my black hair, etc….  I obeyed them but things did not get better.  I even had a telephone “deliverance” where the deliverance minister said I had been set free.  But I wasn’t.  Later, I went on a fast and had a ‘revelation” that I had unconfessed  sin in my life.  I hurried home to my internet “friend” and told her and she said, THAT’S IT, now repent after me and you will be free.  But I wasn’t.

At the ER I received my first Ativan which began a benzo addiction that continues to this day.  I went dragging back to shrinks after 3 years of being free of them and also got antidepressants and a sleeping pill.  Even all drugged up I was still a mess and crying all the time.  I spent all day listening to Christian podcasts and remote deliverance shows.  By April 2011, all those Christians I met online were GONE. I began to suspect God had told them to leave me alone.

I now believe that my loss of Salvation was permanent.  Seven years is the time Job was tormented by devils then he was set free.  My life is worse than ever.

Even though I was a ti back then and heard voices I could still wear what I wanted and had more physical freedom than now.  The hatred was not so malignant, with people acting like this was a big joke.  Now people hate me for real.  I’m in bondage. I dared to wear some NAIL POLISH the perps did not like thinking it was trivial, but I paid. Nothing is off limits.  I’m even feeling physical jolts more often.  I used to be more at peace, as well, and would laugh more frequently.  Now, if I laugh, I still feel the bitterness inside.

God might have delivered me from the perps, even if partially, if I had obeyed that night and did not “mourn” my rock star.  I was “mourning” him for years, wearing only black most of the time.

Backsliding starts small and progresses like soul cancer.  I believe I even started to backslide the year before after discovering Christian Hard Rock.  I had a journal from 1998, and even though I did not overtly sin, I was very bitter and angry.  I wasn’t even walking the walk back in ’98!  Still God put up with me back then seeing I was trying my best and not in open rebellion.

The reason why I wanted to post this is that you should never ever listen to the voice of Hell telling you that you have it ill with God.  When I first backslid, I still talked to my family, could wear what I wanted and enjoyed life to a degree.  I loved God and wanted to serve Him even though my life sucked and I had “enemies” all over it seemed.  Do not listen to the damn Devil tell you God is ripping you off.  One thing I DID have before all this was I was pretty sure I was Saved.  The Devil will lie and lie to get you to rebel and Backslide until even God gives up on you.

Later for awhile, I embraced Calvinism because I thought if I got saved back then I was still saved and if I was lost I had lost nothing.  Predestination seemed to work for me.  Now I don’t know. Hyper Calvinism is going around like the Christian Flu because it appeals to the egos of the believers that think they are the “elect”.  How does anyone know for sure?

Whatever the doctrine is, I feel a sense of loss in my life now.  I used to talk to God without fear and felt a sort of friendliness I don’t feel now.  God seems to have become deaf and blind to my plight.  For years, I have tried to “make it up” to HIm, but He is not buying.  Never listen to the Devil.

BTW the dear perps are threatening me and telling me not to post this.

My Shrink

My shrink (yes I was conned back into the psych game due to V2k and intense “demonic” attacks), was acting funny yesterday.

I only see her once every few months but this time she came and got me on time (never happens) and was all business, not even a smile or “hi”.  Her mood seemed so heavy at first I thought something was going down and I was gonna get hauled off somewhere.

Her questioning was pointed, acting like I was losing even basic life skills.  Then she tried to pitch me the antipsychotic drugs again…again!!!!!  I know probably half the “clients” she sees are probably ti’s or have been victimized by the system some way.  Very few people there at the center look or act crazy and that ones that are are probably the ones that are on the most DRUGS.

The first time I saw a shrink was in my teens and I was pitched antipsychotics at FIFTEEN even though I had no voices or hallucinations.  I became suicidally  depressed on the poison and that is how I ended up in the state hospital at SIXTEEN, and I think they wanted me for a long time or even forever.  That is when I ran and by a miracle was not made to go back even though my “head therapist” tried to con me into going back “inside”.  We even had a “final meeting” INSIDE THE UNIT.  I did not breathe until one of the “counselors” opened the gate to let my parents and I out.

Back to now…

I even recently made the comment that if I allowed them to drug me to the gills, make me gain 100 pounds, lose 30 IQ points, get diabetes, etc…they would probably find me a new place to live.  I am basically uncooperative with the drugs so they won’t do shit for me.  I did not tell the shrink that comment but made it to someone else.

I know these finks have the inside track to low income housing but refuse to help.  Also, there are several clients each time I go that are clearly homeless but still go get their pills.  They will literally give you them for free even if you sleep under a bridge.

I did a post on my old blog about forced drugging and maybe I should resurrect it.  The person I knew who was drugged got all kinds of goodies from the system except her freedom.  Her attitude was one of anger and disgust the last time I saw her. She was also a perp.

She tried to hurt me badly but she was/still is? a textbook case of how far the system would go to control someone.  Someone gets rich off our misery and the demoniacs get high off the negative emotions.  I really expected to see a cop inside her office when I went back.

It’s all over

For years, I have noticed God was at a distance from me.  I even heard I lost my salvation in 2010!  I’m still not sure if it’s the psychopath perps who were trying to set me up to go crazy or kill myself, or really God, but my evil landlady acted like it was GREAT!  She came up to the window that night and said “gotcha” with a smirk on her ugly face.

I tried to end backsliding and come back to God.  I did Bible studies online, fasted, prayed, etc…but still felt lost.  I was cruelly treated at a “Christian” coffeehouse even having some strange (perp?) woman say “you are soooo lost” out of the blue.  The people I tried to hang out with online who were Christians all ran away after a few months.

These past two years have been the worst.  Praying to God has been like praying to the wall.  I have an increasingly psychopathic and cruel landlady, that evil neighbor, accusations against me, people acting like I don’t even have a right to be outside, etc, etc, etc,…

So I thought I would test God, try God to see if He was still there.  I asked him to get my landlady away from me or to move out, get that horrible neighbor out of here, and also to save me or restore me, whatever the case.  I would plead every morning to be saved and to “not go to bed lost”.  I would go to bed lost.  Most importantly to me, I prayed from day one, that the person who caused the fire be found and arrested.  No dice.  I have lived for over a year in terror wondering every time I see a siren or see a cop since my twisted landlady started going around the neighbors and her friends accusing ME then telling them..”but I don’t call the cops”.  All the perp sheeple she told could have but didn’t.  They knew she was lying.

Now there has been another fire.  On my block.  There’s lots of fires around here.  The Dumpster closest to my apartment caught on fire a few years ago, a house two blocks away burned to the ground about 3 years ago, then the homeless shelter burned.  Now, an abandoned house at the end of MY block has burned.  There are lots of other fires that have burned in the area,  if you have an empty house around, it’s almost guaranteed to burn. The authorities should be looking for a serial arsonist but the cops seem to only be there to serve and protect their perp buddies.

God is absent.  I have been living lost so long I forgot what it was like to be saved.  I’m a “lifer” ti with no future.  I can’t even go places by myself for fear of getting assaulted.  I even won’t walk to the store 1/2 mile away!  My future will be even worse.  There is now a cell microwave tower outside my front door.  I felt overheated last night despite it being a cool night and the heat not being on.

Nothing works:  praying, fasting, singing, Bible study, etc…..I gave up following my band 6 1/2 years ago.  I gave up rock music. I am tired to death of Christian music.  Nothing is good enough.  No one will help me to move out of here.  I heard another “neighbor” doing directed conversation on the phone saying something was “going to happen”.  I was listening to his conversation about me and saw 2 cops ON HORSES outside and it looked as if I was spying.  One of the cops did the perp nose salute and made some comments like “it’s too bad, it’s a pity, etc…as they rode by.

I have nothing to look forward to.  Why should I just sit and rot and grow to be an old ti?  What a waste!  Should I let my tormentors continue to feed and house me for the next 20 or 30 years while I sit on my ass and do nothing but be miserable?  I’m sick of seeing my old ugly face in the mirror.

Don’t ever get God so mad He does not come back.

Something about yesterday’s podcast

Yesterday’s podcast of Pineconeutopia pointed out the fact that ti Millicent Black had a romantic relationship with her perp before her harassment and electronic torture started.

I had a “boyfriend” that I broke off with (the one with the dad at Lockheed Martin) right before I noticed things were odd.  I was an outcast my whole life but now the weird stuff was happening like getting pulled over by police 6 times in a month and discovering people watching me…that was only the beginning of course.

I rejected this man and instead of him begging me to stay with him or asking me why I wanted to break up, he cruelly said “all my friends hate you” and started ripping me apart in the restaurant we were at.  I wanted to leave town to essentially be a groupie.  I did not see why this breakup would be such a big deal to him since he treated me like a second class girlfriend.

When I begged to move in with him to get away from my parents (pre religion days) he said “no”.  When I expressed an interest in a band coming to town he took someone else.  He never bought me a nice gift.  I felt like I was a place holder until he could get a “real” girlfriend.  I guess he just thought he wanted to control me and that I was a second class citizen and HOW DARE I break up with him!

I considered this man physically unattractive and really didn’t want to go out with him in the first place but he seemed very nice and at ease at first.  His family acted nicely towards me and since he had friends I had lots of “friend in laws” to hang out with as well as my boyfriend on Saturday night.  We did become physically involved which was a mistake since he was secretly gay at the time and was fooling around with one of his gay friends who later (not much later actually) died of aids.

After we “broke up” he got married to another woman and then they got divorced and both came out as gay!  Later, I caught up with him working a temp job that I lost really fast (did he talk about me?) and he was living with a man twice his age.  What a waste of two years of my life.

Which brings up the question:  am I a generational ti or did this man do this to me as revenge? There also was another man I went out with that seemed unusually hostile to me when I ran into him years after the breakup.

Millicent Black is unusually lucky to know who her real stalker is.  This man, who underwent extensive military training on how to survive (and inflict?) torture turned her whole town and even her family against her  My family fell, too.

She has had terrible physical torture as well and has had surgeries.  She knew this man since childhood but was never close until they went out together.  My “boyfriend” was Jewish and just one year younger so I thought I could trust him.

Pineconeutopia #11 on Covert Warfare is very educational on how someone might get gangstalked.  Ti Ramola D. has Millicent’s history on her Web site as well.

It all was Planned

Last week, on Pineconeutopia, Karen Stewart, ex-NSA, revealed that Lockheed/Martin, the weapons contractor has human stalking services in 47 states!  I have had very few friends in my life, but, two of them had FATHERS who spent their careers at Lockheed, I know another man who worked there a little bit, and his wife spent her career at RAYTHEON!!!  Everyone I know, or have known has already been cleared by these satanic beasts.

I was also perped and called a “lifer” by a perp at a restaurant while I was trying to enjoy a quiet meal.  It was totally orchestrated, so much, that I even suspect the person who took me knew it was going off.  It was very weird.  The skit seemed planned.  Then, the man who took me to eat told me I had to “come to terms with my “mental illness” and other insults.  No doubt he is being paid to be a handler/babysitter by the perp establishment.  I dared to go shopping once without him and got hell from the neighbors for days.  You know the “retribution” they give you for doing ANYTHING THEY TELL YOU NOT TO DO.

Now, I am not even allowed to wear ANY purple.  It seems they own colors as well.  They act like they own God.  I wore 2 purple fingernails and it seemed Hell broke loose.

Interesting V2k’s these past few months:

“Don’t expose us” after I commented on another ti’s video

“You will think Obama’s administration is paradise” on Inauguration Day in January with the threat life will be Hell under Trump.  Is it sour grapes by liberal perps or real?

“You are not allowed to play your Mp3 outside with earphones”  I have just bought a new Mp3 player because the old one’s microphone was bad and the headphone jack was broken.  I wanted to sit outside and not have to listen to their crap, and that requires earphones jammed into my ears and volume turned up.

“Those are your prison clothes”  Every time I go and get something to wear.

30 years of my life lost to this.  Now I have a sadistic landlady, crime on my block, a false accusation hanging over my head, etc…All of a sudden my looks are completely gone and even look horrible with makeup.  I went out for someone’s birthday and was ashamed of how I looked.

Life in perp prison w/o possibility of parole.  No accusations, no trial, no conviction…NOTHING.  Still, no one outside of the ti community cares.

Just When I thought it could not Get Worse

Some men just installed a cell phone receiver on a pole in front of my apartment.  I guess I will be getting physical torture or electronic beatings all the time now.  At the very least, cancer.  The perp trash is tired of me and wants me to die.  God is nowhere, it seems, now.  The perping is way up since Trump took office when I thought it would go down.  I would like to install a cell tower in front of the fool ti who said we “must” vote for Trump!  False hope, again.  They said the same thing about Obama.  Crap.

Orange is the new Black

I just got done reading Orange is the New Black.  If you don’t know, it’s about a woman who is prosecuted on a minor drug charge and given a small sentence in a minimum security prison in Conneticut.  Piper Herman, the woman who wrote the book and did the time, had money so she was able to get a good lawyer and get a good deal from the government.  She was out in 13 months.

One thing I noticed though, was, even incarcerated, Piper had a better life than I did, and, when she went home (after the halfway house) she was totally free. to live her life perp free and to have friends, relatives and her husband and her own business.

But I want to talk about how her life was even better incarcerated.  Prison, even minimum security, must be miserable, but even an inmate has more rights than some ti’s.  Some of us “carry our prison” on our backs.

First, the things she was deprived of:

  1. Clothes.  She had to wear khaki pants and shirts at all times.  No dressing up.  The only alterations were grey sweats, white long underwear and an ugly brown winter jacket.  She did get to wear makeup, however when she had the funds to get it at the commissary.  They had just forbidden the sale of nail polish then but some inmates found a way to get it.
  2. Living Space.  She had to share a tiny cubicle with another inmate in a room full of other cubicles and inmates.  There was no privacy.
  3. Freedom.  She did not leave the compound until she became the government’s witness against someone else right before her release.
  4. Respect.  The CO’s, or guards, disrespected inmates and they had to take it or they would be punished or put into solitary.
  5. Privacy.  The showers were communal.  Also, she was strip searched after every visit.
  6. Food.  She describes the food as sort of crappy and sparse, but inmates learned to cook things from the commissary in the microwave and create delicacies that were off the official menu.  She says she lost weight there.  She looks a little overweight now.

Here are the things Piper had in the slammer that I, as a ti, don’t.

  1. Friends.  She had lots of friends on the inside.  She only got harassed once during her stay there.  She always had someone to talk to and made close friends.  No one denigrated her for her race.  No one threatened to fight her.
  2. Visitors.  She had tons of visitors from the outside including her fiance.  They came whenever they could and also mailed her tons of books and gave her money.
  3. Some freedom.  She was allowed to be outside without supervision.  She went on walks on the track and spent work breaks outside without supervision or harassment.  There was wildlife there in the country setting.
  4. Work.  She had a a skilled job inside the compound even though it paid an abysmal 1 dollar an hour.  The minimum wage “inside” was only 14 CENTS an hour at the time.  In essence, days were shorter spent working, but it was slave labor.
  5. Books.  She read as much as she wanted in the slammer with her friends and family mailing her long letters and tons of books.  No perp threatened her if she read books or wrote letters or a journal.
  6. Peace of mind.  She did not get Voice to Skull destroying her every day with threats, insults, insinuations, etc…  She could live inside her head without a cruel “monitor” there.
  7. Exercise.  She walked the track 4 miles a day to avoid gaining weight on the starchy prison fare.  She was also part of a Yoga group.  Prisons also provide weights and basketball hoops, etc…for male inmates.
  8. Recreation.  Prisoners at her compound did a lot of needlework like crocheting and knitting.

Now let’s compare my life.  My life is not the same as all other ti’s.  Some ti’s get incessant physical torture so “beatings” are added to some ti’s lives as well.  Piper did not get beat by the CO’s when she was in there.  Here is my life in comparison:

  1. Clothes.  I don’t have to wear a uniform but the perps don’t let me wear certain colors and if I do wear them I get “punished” with extra harassment or even worse things.  I also get threatened for the color nail polish I wear.  I’m also not “allowed” to wear my hair in a ponytail, up, or even put back by a headband.  I have to wear it down everyday.  I think people in the prison were allowed to put their hair up.
  2. Living Space. I have an apartment, which used to be nicer until the Nightmares and the Mice.  I used to have my bed in the small bedroom until I started getting evil nightmares and started to sleep in the living room.  I used to have a loveseat to sit on which faced my now absent TV but when I got infested with Mice I got rid of it and don’t want any upholstered furniture now.  I have space in this apt but am lonely and have very poor furniture.  I sleep on an airbed since my landlady used to deal with people who had bedbugs and I was afraid.  Also, I expected to move anytime and did not want to schlep a mattress.  The perps discourage me from housekeeping and even threaten me.  I feel this is only a place to stay, not a home, so I don’t decorate it.  Plus I can get “punished” for what kind of decorations I put up.  The inmates decorated their cells and were required to keep them clean with very little cleaning supplies.
  3. Freedom.  I can leave my apt. but seldom do.  Usually, I need someone to drive me around since I am afraid of being jumped or having cops called on me for anything if I’m out alone.  I get harassed by my “neighbor” if I sit on the porch and get harassed if I sit out at night in summer in back.  The other neighbors will come out and start laughing at me, the neighbor behind me has spotlights trained on my door and the new neighbors across the alley have a motion detector light that goes on for anything and turns night into day.  The construction workers hoot and laugh or scream “Hey!!!” during work hours even if I just go to the window.  They are working a block away but still must harass me.  If I want any privacy outside, I’d have to go out very late and hope the neighbors are asleep and that there is no human wildlife in the alley to harass me.  My neighbor put a chink in his fence so the light shines on me even if I sit down, so I have to sit really low down or even lie down to avoid the light.
  4. Respect.  I, also, have to “take it” or be in trouble.  If I react, the perps either get great pleasure out of it or call the cops or go and snitch on me to someone who can hurt me.  I either get pity because I’m “mentally ill” which is sickening, or, get treated with hostility or mockery.
  5. Privacy.  I can take a shower by myself but am mocked and told what to do in the shower with V2k and my spying landlady.  I am never not watched and mindread even in remote areas.  I even hear the little shits when I’m on the toilet.  My landlady also runs overhead to see what underwear I have on.
  6. Food.  I don’t have to eat prison food, but, am judged for my weight and get V2k in stores threatening me not to buy things.  I find things missing or changed when I get “home”.  I overeat to try and comfort myself but end up feeling bloated and horrible.

Here are the other things that Piper had and I don’t.

  1. Friends.  None.  I have two people who talk to me but aren’t really friends because they don’t believe I’m a ti.  One of them is on again off again with me and the other has just fallen out with me and wants nothing to do with me.  My landlady pretended to be my “friend” for years to gain info on me to get me better.  My cat is sort of a friend when she’s awake.  At least she does not insult me or tell me I’m mentally ill.  When I was “inside” at the mental hospital, only about two patients talked to me.  The others harassed me so bad along with the head of the ward I ran off.
  2. Visitors.  Only the two above.  Only one of them spends any time here.  I feel no need to decorate.  I used to have Board Meetings for our apartments here and would clean for that, but that was it.  My sister came here ONCE to see me.
  3. Freedom outdoors.  Very little.  I used to take daily walks despite all the perping and skits but when the police started to harass me and I saw dead animals, I pretty much stopped.  When I saw my OLD LANDLORD at the park looking it over as if he owned it, that was the last time I walked there.  By that time, they had rigged the park for intensive V2k so the park was no longer a getaway to read, write, or relax.  I get watched/harassed by neighbors and passers by when I sit outside unless its very late and even then…
  4. I do no meaningful work.  I even had to leave a 2 hour a WEEK job due to increased harassment. I used to do the 2 hours there and volunteer there and take classes there as well.  I also volunteered once a week to cook dinner at the shelter where I stayed when I was homeless.  I lost that as well due to increased harassment and the cold attitude of my “boss” who would not stand up for me against them.
  5. Books.  I take a risk reading after having had a V2k threat about reading and how if I read library books I would be tossed outside in the snow and no one would care and I would die a slow death.  I hope V2k’ers get their just desserts.  I also made a stupid vow to only read Christian novels so that limits my reading the books I really want to read.  The perps first limited me to 50 pages a day, then tried to lower that, then the threat. My books would always become way overdue because of the threats and limits to reading.  If I do read, I take a risk.
  6. Peace of Mind.  Most days are spent in the throes of depression and anxiety and PTSD due to the constant gangstalking and V2k.  I am frequently suicidal but never try it since the perps really want me to do it to go to Hell.  Little things to get my mind off of it are merely time-passers, usually videos.  I have even been “forbidden” to listen to my favorite pastor.  I’ve also been forbidden to listen to Zeph Daniel, who is really the only Christian ti I trust.  I think Simon has taken all his videos down now.  My prayers are desecrated and God seems absent.  I wish I could go on painkillers for artificial peace of mind.
  7. Exercise.  None.  I don’t go on walks alone, don’t walk with others anymore and got “punished” for trying Yoga.  Since I have been driven around, I don’t even walk to the bus stop and back.  Occasionally I take public (perpic) transportation and do some walking but it’s rare.
  8. Recreation.  I used to crochet and cross stitch.  I also took classes in Ceramics and Flower Arranging.  I tried to pick up Crochet again but the perps limited my color choices and I brought home black yarn.  Then, I tried to crochet and got V2k and a verrrry interested cat.  I have not been to the amusement park or movie theater for years.  Before the perps clamped down I was making a very fancy painted gourd and was interested in making soap and candles.

As you can see, my life as a ti is much like the life of a prisoner.  I have some things Piper did not but lack more things she had, even in prison.  I hear that prison is getting tougher and tougher and that creature comforts are kept to a minimum and even basics must be bought.  Increasingly, prisoners are in Solitary, sometimes for their whole sentence.  They go crazy most of the time.

Piper Kerman’s life in prison was unpleasant but enriching in a way my life could never be, and, when she got out she was FREE and not in the prison without bars called gangstalking.  She is an advocate for prison reform now as well as her job.

Landlady acts like she owns me

I do not know if I mentioned that my “landlady” (read perp) constantly threatens and bullies me via V2k and she and her friend mock me all the time.  Just this morning, she tried to tell me what to put into my coffee, what to wear, what to listen to…all attached to the threat that I will be imprisoned at home without a chance to leave.  When she goes outside she smirks with all her might.  She never leaves the apartment complex except about 5 hours a week because she wants to mindread me all the time and order me around. She used to go places all the time.

Even on YouTube she tells me what I can watch.  She acts like she owns me and I’m just a big doll she can push around.  This apartment is hell.  She acts like I will be forced to live here the rest of my life.  I’d rather die.

The mindreading begins even before I get out of bed.  I think a thought and she starts stomping overhead.  Every time I think a thought she does not like, she bangs the wall or the floor.  On top of her blaming me for the fire, she tried to convince me via mind control I was abusing my cat.  I almost had a nervous breakdown.  Then, she leaves on that “vacation” and the fire happens….well, it was sure nice not having her around when she was on vacation.

This morning she terrorizing me whether I could have chocolate or regular milk in my coffee.  The other perps are now perping me with the color blue.  Blue clothes, blue stuff all over the ground, etc…My landlady only wears blue.  I think she was behind this forbidding to wear certain color stuff back in 2005.  That was 12 years ago and they are still doing it even though “they” promised they’d stop it in 2009.

She told me I could not drink coffee or tea while doing Bible study, and that I could not use praise and worship songs to sing to.  All with THE THREAT.

Ms. Landlady sure acts like a lion around me. She is totally OWNED by the hag 2 doors down. Landlady monster drew me in with fake friendliness to collect info on me for years.  I want to expose her name   A few months ago, she whispered to me where no one could hear that she wanted to “break” me like I was a rebellious SLAVE.  I want to shame her for what she really is.

Part Two

The other part of my private hell I haven’t really posted is THE FIRE.  Last year, in January, the homeless shelter/home that is associated with these apartments burnt down.  The firemen decided it was arson.  It was set in the middle of the night, at 4am, and I had people knocking on the door at 5am.  The house was burnt beyond repair.  My landlady’s friend became a permanent resident here despite my landlady saying she would only be here for 6 months while they raised funds to get a new house to rent for a shelter.  That was 14 months ago and this woman eggs my landlady on into harassing me even more, so much, that I spend every day in the kitchen because it’s the only part of the apartment where her apartment isn’t overhead.  I hate even going to the bathroom or showering because she watches!!!  She comes out into the hall which is one wall away from the bathroom and hangs around!!!

Back to the fire.  The firemen and police never found a suspect and I didn’t think even my hellish landlady would have the gall to blame me for it.  But she did.  She sweetly lied and told me the investigation was over last April but the building still stands in all it’s crusty glory looming.  It was supposed to have been sold, torn down, and offices put there.  I even went there myself to help my landlady’s friend and others take things out of the house that were salvageable.  If I had DONE IT I don’t think I would have had the gall to go back there and go in there again and again taking stuff out of a dirty cold dangerous burnt home.  I even went in my landlady’s friend’s ROOM.  It was gutted. She was crying. I would have avoided it and the street it was on like the fucking plague if I had done it.

I didn’t know my landlady was gossiping about me until last March when I was sitting outside on a warm day and overheard my neighbor talking about the fire and hearing “J. knows SHE did it but won’t call the cops.”  I confronted my landlady who in her best actressy way, sweetly denied it and put the blame on my friend saying SHE accused me of it but that she, Ms. Landlady, thought it was ridiculous.  The gossip continued.  I heard all my neighbors talking about it.  Even their children would come up to me on bikes and scooters and say “busted!!”

The handyman that helps us with projects for a reduced rate seemed rude and cold to me last Fall when he was here.  I told my lovely landlady and she said, ” ooooh he’s just fine.” ” When he comes to work on your place after he’s done with what he’s doing he will be fine.”  He was “fine”, his old friendly self, for the few minutes he was there.  Later, as he was out there with my landlady who was paying him, they chatted.  I decided to join the chat.  He was talking about all the development in this city and mentioned his old street.  He said my old street is ON FIRE!!!  I gave him a dirty look at the word “fire” and he left in a big hurry.  THAT IS WHY HE WAS COLD TO ME.  He has always been nice, even when everyone else has treated me like crap.  God only knows who else this poison has spread to.

I have my own theories as to who started the fire.  I have no proof.  But it was strange my landlady was out of town thousands of miles away and her friend was spending the night over HERE.  Also, I read online that one of the residents saw the fire starting and tried to turn on the hose to douse it and the hose was not working.  Inside job.  Also, the fire was set near to where the kitchen stove was so whoever did it knew the place would blow if the stove got involved.  Inside job.  Whether the suspect was a disgruntled ex-resident who got kicked out, or, someone associated with me who wanted me out of here: read, my “neighbor” who never hid her objective for coming here was to get me out,  I’ll never know because the fire dept dropped the ball and called it an “accident” after all.  It would be just too convenient to have me kicked out of here, hauled off to prison to rot and to never come back and probably be homeless the rest of my life if I got out.  I’d probably have to perp for a living just to survive.

My landlady just keeps denying that she blames me and sweetly keeps telling me that it was an “accident”, like someone threw a cigarette in the back of the house and it and the whole house caught fire, but I’m not buying it.  No one but one person was hurt, but many could have died!!! I’ve prayed to God over and over to reveal and punish the arsonist but He does nothing, nothing.  My landlady is even worse now.  She never leaves home except for about 5-6 hours a week when she absolutely has to.  She takes very short trips to the laundromat or to the post office otherwise and that’s it.  She hangs around upstairs and watches me and never leaves.  When her friend, who got burnt out, is here it’s even worse.  They sit upstairs and talk about me loudly so I can hear.  You can understand my joy when she and her friend left on Saturday and I could watch a video she “forbade”.  She even “forbids” me to watch my favorite online pastor with the threat of course being in home imprisonment.

I’m now angry with God for this.  He’s had a year to get the arsonist, nine years to get me out of this apt when my landlady turned el perpo in a big way, and eight years to get the hag out of my life.  The hag sits with her two boyfriends and cushy church job and makes my life hell.  I once told her she was ruining my life and she told me in her gravelly demon voice that I did not have a life.  She was right.  I have stopped doing Bible Study because that was the last straw with God.  I have lived in an increasing hell for 30 years and now even my basic physical freedom is threatened.  My mind is read, my clothes scrutinized, my Web browsing scrutinized, EVERYTHING.  God is AWOL.  When I went into sin back in 2007-2011 this was the case:  it seemed God wasn’t there or offered me lollipops for gaping wounds.

Another perp that lives behind me has stopped working and trolls around the neighborhood gossiping about me to anyone, including construction workers, who will listen.  He has all new cars.  He struts around like he’s the prince of Wales.  He’s built high fences that jut into the alley so I can’t see down the alley if I sit outside.  He has bright spotlights and cameras out back so if I sit outside at night in summer I have to sit on the ground to avoid all the light.  My new neighbors who live in a renovated old apt home installed a back motion light that shines like the sun when a person or animal or even a leaf blows by.  I heard the boss of that project tell his workers to make the light “longer” on my side.  People come out to laugh at me no matter how late in summer especially the neighbor behind me two doors down who turns on his PURPLE LIGHT outside and goes on his back porch and mocks me.

I can’t take it anymore.  I need prayer since I can’t seem to get ahold of God myself.

Every time I hear a siren or see a cop or fireman, which seems to be very often, I get scared.  I once even saw a fireman hiking in the mountains on a trail when my friend took me on a day trip to get out of here.  I think they are doing the perp thing and psyching me out.  Why God won’t judge my lying landlady is beyond me.  It isn’t her first rodeo when it comes to deeply hurting me.  I want out of here but it’s either here or the streets. I’ve had empty promises on and off line to help me move but nothing happens.  The hag 2 doors down announced she want’s to “spend the rest of her life” here.  NO.

My lovely landlady wants to “spend the rest of her life” here, too.  Even after she retires.  Maybe I’ll tear that rag she wears on her head off so she’ll kick me out.