Three Wishes???

Today is your lucky day. You get three wishes, granted to you by The Daily Post. What are your three wishes and why?

Too bad God does not grant “wishes” like a genie in a bottle.  The word “genie” comes from djinn, or demon.  But if the Lord granted “wishes” I already know what I “want”.

This may not be what God “wants” for me.

  1. The perps out of my life
  2. Good friends.
  3. Lots of weight gone.
  4. I know there is not a “4” but a way to support myself.

P.S.  Cars have been going by and gunning their motors all day.  I guess another “new” thing to add to my gs.  Before, they were creeping by and looking in the window.

 

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One year today

I started my new blog a year ago today. I wish I hadn’t stopped my old blog and deleted it. This one has not the energy of the old one. I just can’t seem to write a post that could possibly help ti’s. The ti’s that have been around have seen and read it all from 1000s of blogs and the new ti’s now get educated fast unlike us old timers who had to wait for years to even figure out what was happening. We were of the past generation, whether “boomers’ or “gen x”, we trusted we lived in a free country and that we had rights and recourse if we were being abused or discriminated against in some way. My old journey 2005-2010 was a bitter awakening to me. Not only was there no help to come, even other ti’s would attack if given the tiniest incentive by a perp. I was shocked and dismayed at how far society had fallen and who really ran things. During those five years I lived in pain and frustration.  I learned of the “conspiracy” as it is called.

Now I feel helpless to help other ti’s. All the info we have is out there now. If anyone is making real progress it’s being done in secret and may God protect them from being discovered.

As for me, the gs is so bad now, especially on the bus, I don’t go out very much, take almost all my meals at home and generally hide.  When I do go out the perp circus is waiting for me on the bus, at the store, even at the doctors.  That never changes. It’s always a scene in a restaurant.  I must be eating less since I hardly eat out but I don’t lose weight because of the pills I let them stick me on and the lack of exercise I get now since I’m scared to walk thru this neighborhood anymore.

This country has become a nightmare where you can be picked up by the police for anything, charged with nothing and kept indefinitely incommunicado.  You must reveal your nakedness to take a plane.  Now I’m being race baited to add to the nightmare.  I’m being asked for my receipt at stores again.  People walk by and smirk in my window all day.

This never ends.  It usually does not get better for any ti.  I’ve tried living a cleaner life, studying the Bible, paying attention to living a Christian life but nothing works.  I’ve been tempted of late to go back into sinning but it’s just a useless cycle. sin/repent/sin/repent, and, what if God didn’t even take me back this time?  He won’t the next.

I go for the Daily Prompts to have something to write about but most of the time I find myself not being honest or only telling a part of an answer to the Prompt to continue to hide myself.  Too much information.  I conceal, then I reveal, never knowing when is too little or too much.  Where is there progress being done to help ti’s?  Don’t tell me about FFCHS.

During the five years I watched as petitions and protests went by and even a meeting with a group of bio ethicists went by.  We were interviewed by the Washington Post.  Gloria Naylor wrote a book.  Other ti’s wrote books.  Nothing happened.  There’s thousands of blogs and videos out on our ordeal and nothing is done.  I’ve seen gs talked about on TV news shows but nothing happens.

In the old days I was braver thinking this would end soon or that people were basically good and once they figured out what was going on they would not fall for it.  All we had to do was get the information out there. Something has changed however:  people are ugly, stupid, selfish and mean for the most part.  You only see the ugly of humanity for the most part being a ti.  It seems, some days, everyone is in on it.  Everyone has the smirk, the nose swipe, the little sneer.  I wonder if they have been brainwashed or demonized somewhere.  Maybe at a rock concert.  Maybe at a church.  Maybe they obey the little voices in their head because they were told to obey or else.

If there’s ever going to be an end to this it will be many years from now.

What is the magic ingredient?

imagesWhat’s the one item in your kitchen you can’t possibly cook without? A spice, your grandma’s measuring cup, instant ramen — what’s your magic ingredient, and why?

I can only pick one?  I’m usually flush with food at the beginning of the month but as it wears on I start running low on food.  I make a few store trips to replenish but the last week of the month is the worst.  It says “cook without” so I cannot use coffee as it’s a beverage.  It has to be an ingredient in cooking.

I suppose this ingredient isn’t one of necessity but one that makes your food taste good or acceptable to digest–which would be closer to my kitchen.  I guess I’d say cheese then. Cheese makes everything taste better from beans to rice to poultry to beef to noodles, to bread etc….it’s cheeze.  It turns an indegestible mess into voila! A beautiful junky caloric mess!

Housework Ugggh!

What’s the household task you most dislike doing? Why do you think that is — is it the task itself, or something more?

I most dislike cleaning the oven/stove. There are so many areas to clean. Top of stove, under top of stove, racks, inside oven, inside broiler….I hate the caustic oven cleaner but nothing else gets the mess off. I hate crouching on the ground cleaning the oven. I hate hauling buckets of dirty water to the bathroom. Oven cleaning is horrible. I wish I had a self-cleaning oven.

I forgot the burner racks.  They went a soaking in the sink.

Getting your head in the uuuuhven for inspection!
Getting your head in the uuuuhven for inspection!

I think I blew the deadline, but……

here we weigh again for the third time this day The book I could not put down

Fat.

Me,  1978…

Hi, I’m a middle-schooler.  I think I look pretty good.  I’m sort of tall and am developing early.  I read “Are You There God, it’s Me Margaret” back a year ago and I didn’t have to wait long.  I seem to have gone up a few sizes lately but I’ve grown 4 inches this past year, too.  I’ve gone from the “pre teen” section to the “juniors” section.  I’m in a “training bra” that is too ugly for words and my feet are so big I’m already wearing ladies’ shoes.  I’ll be an adult soon :).

It’s strange but my mother is lately telling me I’m fat. ” Look at those hips!  You look like a trailer park mama!  You have thunder thighs!”  What, I’m not fat!  I decide to look at myself in our big mirror at the end of the hall, really examine myself for the first time.

Wow! Mother is right!  My butt is enormous, it’s so ugly!  My thighs look like sausages!  What are those dimples in my skin?  They weren’t there before!  My waist is OK, but now when I try on clothes to fit my butt, my waist gaps 3 inches!  I am a freak!  I’m 5’4″ and 120 pounds!  I’m a monster.  I’m so ugly I won’t ever get my rock star.  Recently I went to the school pool and swam and I sat outside to dry off because it was a warm day and I looked down and there the thighs were…so fat!

The other girls at school are mostly much smaller than me.  They have teeny tiny butts and stick thighs.  I don’t think my legs were ever that small.  Should I really wear shorts this summer?  Ewww.  They also have stick arms and tiny boobs.  They are so petite, so cute, except to me when they turn into monsters.  My mother says I need to lose ten pounds and I don’t know how!  My new cord jeans make me feel enormous, and they are red which is not figure flattering!  When I walk, they swish.

When we visit my Aunt for overnights, she says I look fine.  I ask, “are you suuure?”  I”m HUGE!  Then I proceed to pig out since she has all the food my mother forbids in the house.  Sweet pop not diet, cookies, candy, ice cream–wow!!!  She says she “stocks up” before we come over.  She’s so awesome!

Part II, many pounds later on a bus.

2014.  “Did you see that chick?  She is so fat!  She looks disgusting!  Does she know how she looks in those clothes?  Fat chicks should not wear tank tops!  Even in summer!  I bet a man has never asked her out in her life!  Oink Oink!  What is wrong with those fat girls???  Do they just sit and eat all day–and use up all the TP in the world?  I think the world would be a better place without the wasters.”

Her friend answers.  “Yeah it’s a fatty.  My sister is that fat and she is mean, ugly and bitter.  That’s what she gets–no attention.  Men hate fatties.  Why don’t they just go to the gym?  They they could eat more.  My SISTER tries to borrow my clothes and she ruins them.  Here is where we get off.  Bye-bye slut!  That’s all you’ll get–a lay from a pervert!  Hee hee!”  They exit the bus.

Part III

Me, 1981 Age 14

Well finally a diet has worked!  I’m 5’7″ and 115 pounds!  I wanted to go to 110, but the counselor that is helping me said she’d only see me to 115.  Wonder why?  I still look too large, but, I’m not feeling well lately.  “Aunt Flo” has not really been visiting, the past 2 months, just a few spots.  I feel dizzy all the time and depressed too.  I have to quit this diet.  My mother says I look good, but it’s a lie.  The popular girls are still tiny and cute and I’m not.  I still wear Size 9 while my neighbor 2 blocks away wears THREES AND FIVES.

My sister brought home this book called “The Best Little Girl in the World.”  I’ve read it five times–oh how I wish I could be her!  Oh well, I”m not “little”–I”m 5’7″ and wear size 8 shoes!  And I’m not “good”, I’m bad.  I won’t tell you why but just trust me on this–I will never be Kessa.

Cold Turkey–Choose your poison

symptoms_withdrawal

 

Quitting smoking all those years ago was easy, but I still crave ciggies today for some reason. Quitting other things was harder.

Try quitting any psych drug except Prozac which has an incredibly long half-life and will not give too much withdrawal.

When I was 16 I quit Stelazine after I ran away from the hosptial on pass. I was a nervous wreck. I was scared of getting caught and having to go back, but it was more. After only 3 weeks I was clear of it due to a young metabolism. The day I realized I was free of the drug I felt happy for the first time in over a year. Sadly I went back on it (only once in awhile LOL) as part of the “agreement” to stay out of the lockup hospital.

I’ve tried to quit coffee twice. The first time it was easy and I would have stayed off coffee but I became so lazy that even I knew I had to drink coffee again.  I quit it another time by tapering off and was off it for 6 weeks but when I went to the health food store and bought a 7 dollar jar of instant fake coffee my friend knocked it over and broke the jar and fako coffee all over.  OK God,  I bet that’s a message from You I need to drink coffee….

Trying to quit Paxil was hell and I had to go back on.  I didn’t kick Paxil until I had a new replacement drug.  Quitting Lexapro was Hell and I tapered off it really slow without a huge withdrawal after trying to do it Cold Turkey.  After that, I felt like shit, though.  I was prescribed More Drugs.

Quitting listening to Rock Music was hard.  I used to get all my anger out listening to the music and fantasize to it.  I was miserable for a long time.  I’ve tried to quit carbs only to get:

  1. Weak
  2. Sick
  3. Hungry all the time

The bread still stays.

I quit meat for the most part for about a year.  I got anemia.

If the Big War comes we will all be quitting everything at once.  It will be a meltdown of almost everyone on the planet.