One Cold November Day

no senseShare the story of a time you felt unsafe.

A few years ago I was obessed to walking the entire length of an urban walking trail a few miles at a time. I found a fondness for the north end of the trail as it had fewer people and more wildlife.

It was a mild November day, about 55, but a front was coming in. I was not dressed properly. It was sufficient for 55 but not 25.

In November, the days are short and I got to the end of the trail when it was getting dark. There was some kind of city open space area with outdoor toilets there and I had to go.

Too bad there was a creepy evil-looking man that sat in the parking lot. The thought, “killer”, came to my mind when I saw him. I went into the toilet with fear thinking he would come in or wait for me outside in the dark and the cold as the wind was blowing and the front was coming in.

I left the toilet and the man was still sitting in his car.  I walked away.  First hurdle passed.  Now, I had to worry about the weather.  55 and sunny had been replace by 25 and snowy and there was no bus route this far out of town.

I started walking.  I found bus stops later but did not know if the buses that served them had stopped running or not.  The one stop I knew I could get a bus at night was about 4 miles away.  I walked on.  I got coffee at a fast food place a couple of miles down and continued my walk.  It was very dark with snow flurries and the road went up and down hill.  I felt very alone.

Finally I hit the part of the road where you run into the bar and the grocery store.  At Denny’s, you are finally there, at the stop where buses run at night.  A bus came, but it was not a bus home.  It only took me a little closer to home and then I would have to transfer to another bus to go home.

When I got there I realized only one more bus was coming and it was 40 minutes away.  I danced around in the cold and the bus finally came.  It was 9:30 pm.  I could have been stuck out all night in the cold.

I did a lot of idiotic things on my walks during those years.  I got caught in violent thunderstorms, harassed by men, missed another bus and DID spend the night outside, got soaked with rain and ended up sick…the list goes on.  The walks made me get into some kind of shape though and I miss that.  As ti’s we have to be strong and not weak.

The Ultimate Reject


Tell us about a time when you felt out of place.

My whole life. Was this a rhetorical question for ti’s?

I could go over various instances where I felt totally out of place such as in a gay bar, or an ultra Orthodox synagogue, but, for the most part the sense of outside-ness and not belonging has been with me my whole life. Every time I ever felt I belonged even a little the rug was snatched from under me.


i_am_the_bad_guy Laughing SSAs a ti, I guess (unfortunately) this topic is familiar….

ooooh boy here’s the Daily Prompt

Evil is so many things to me but the root of evil is deception.  The evil ones appear to be sweet and then sweetly tell lies with a bit a truth.  The evil ones are like pills:  they have a brightly colored sweet coating but are filled with bitterness.  Unlike a pill, however, there is very little benefit in evil.

The evil people always steal.  They will steal your things, your job, your reputation, and finally your freedom all in the name of opression.  The evil hunts out victims that cannot fight back nor get anyone to fight back for them.  Evil men search out vulnerable children for their disgusting desires.  The perv always finds the child with no friends.  Evil parents know how to control and manipulate their victims–their children!!!

The evil people always twist things around:  whether it’s simple facts that become more self serving as the evil one twists it, or even the Word of God to serve their evil desires and ensnare people into servitude.  Religious authority figures also look for vulnerable members of the population to oppress.  Spiritual abuse is real in cults and even in regular churches.

Evil is fear.  It is fear of helping the oppressed because they may lose something in the bargain.  Evil is fear of becoming the target as well.  Evil is willing to maintain the status quo at any cost–even if he or she has to give up certain of their OWN personal freedoms.  Evil is fear of the unknown and unwillingness to help someone who is not exactly like them.  Evil runs with the pack.

Evil is self-absorption.  It’s an “all about me” attitude that pervades culture today.  It is a sense of entitlement.  Evil is vain and very concerned about how things look on the outside.  The evil one worships themselves as a god, not God.  The evil one thinks he or she always knows better and there is nothing left to learn. Evil will sometimes worship another person or idolize them over God if they do not have the arrogance to worship themselves.

Evil sometimes gives, but only when the voices of guilt and self-condemnation take over to the point where the evil one must give something in order to quiet the misery of self induced guilt.  Evil does not freely give just to see the recipient happy or relieved.  The gift is an agreement, a deal.  Maybe it’s a payment to God against all the evil that has been done.  Giving to merely give is an alien concept.  All giving must to to “get”.

Most of all evil is banality.

Banality is ordinary or usual or boring.  Mostly, evil is banal.  It’s the usual everyday state of things.  It’s complacency.  Wanting to go along to get along.  It’s looking at people being abused and running away.  It’s not being shocked at it anymore but accepting it as a way of life.  It is accepting that “that person” gets targeted but “I” will do nothing about it as I desire to live a “pleasant” life and maintain my status quo.  It’s thinking nothing of joining in every once in awhile as it is “nothing”.  The target is not even human.  It’s just a bit of “fun”, who cares if the target is traumatized?  Evil does not see its desserts coming.  Evil lives for today not tomorrow.

One day evil will be held accountable for its crimes.

We all contain evil.  We were born into sinful flesh.  We must repent now and turn our lives around before it’s too late–even us ti’s.

Actor’s Studio

What is your favorite word?Freewill
What is your least favorite word?Forbidden
What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?Nature and Great Literature

What turns you off?  Blind Conformity
What is your favorite curse word? Oy Vey
What sound or noise do you love?Birds and Crickets and also scratchy sounds like a backrub. (ASMR)
What sound or noise do you hate? The sound of a group of loud perps or rude people coming up the street cursing especially at 2am.  The Woooo! sound stupid girls make for whatever reason.
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?Baking or selling Bridal Gowns (LOOOL)
What profession would you not like to do?Accounting
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?Welcome Home

Here Comes the Slut

here comes the slut

I don’t have a TV.  That being said you cannot avoid TV outside the house because it’s “on” everywhere.  It’s playing in the check line at Wally World, at Social Services as you wait for an agent to see your file, and especially DOCTOR’S OFFICES.  Where I go there’s a huge screen TV out front and in the smaller office where I go there’s a smaller TV people watch as they wait for the doctor or shots.

Try reading the BIBLE waiting in that room.  You’ll get looks.  Even reading a novel is hard as the TV blares all the time, usually Judge this and Judge that where person A will sue person B for 114.13 and find the need to take it to a Judge and put it on TV.  These shows play over and over and over at the City Clinic.  Where I go to the Dr., it’s CNN on the big screen and potluck on the small TV where patients can choose the channel.  Once in awhile I’ll get the Weather Channel on and watch it the whole time.  I suspect even if I wasn’t a ti I would not be that popular.

I didn’t like what was on TV in the Dr. office.  It was Maury or something and the guests were getting humiliated as usual acting like asses and everyone hooting like they were at a football game not watching peoples personal problems.  I changed to channel to my guilty pleasure when I DO get to watch a TV:  TLC.  Yesterday there was a show on trying on Wedding Dresses and as I hadn’t brought my Bible to catch up on Bible Study nor brought a book, I watched it.

The show is Say Yes to the Dress and I’ve included the You Tube link to its full episodes.  An aside, if you have noticed, ADS take ONE THIRD of all TV time.  Each half hour episode is 21 minutes long.  If you can find a free hour episode of something like my favorite detective, Monk (the detective with Asperger’s) the time is like 41 minutes.  That’s a lot of brainwashing per hour.  The ads are filled with rapidly flashing imagery and sexual innuendo.  Even public TV has added ads.  Back to the show: the premise is that a woman is searching for a wedding dress and is willing to travel across the country to an expensive dress salon in New York (now Atlanta) to try on and buy a gown for their upcoming wedding.  They even PAY for the gowns…big rich TV network are cheap b*astards.

Each customer gets a personal consultant to find the right gown.  That level of service is rare outside of wedding boutiques.

Watching that show, in a way, was like traveling to Alaska.  It’s something I’ll never get to do being targetted and the experience to me is fascinating.  Something popped out at me after watching a few episodes at the Dr.s and then at home on You Tube….it was the same dress over and over pretty much-or a slutty alternative.  Basically it’s TWO dresses shown over and over with the occasional exception that is usually just as slutty as the others.

Dress One, the cake dress, is a tight strapless sweetheart bodice combined with a huge skirt in a variety of floof and lace and beads.  Dress two is the “fit and flare” which is dress one but is tight through the rump and only flares below the knee, like a mermaid.  Most all the dresses are in white or cream.  The few that had straps or sleeves have very deep “v” cuts in front or only some netting for “sleeves” above the usual strapless sweetheart cut.  One rare bride bought a red dress than proceeded to marry a man she met only online.

There were a FEW more modest gowns but when the girls put these on they complained and complained.  They wanted to be falling out of their gowns on their wedding day.  Here are some examples of wedding gowns that are even WORSE than the ones on the TV show.  Look at the one on the bottom, she needs to shave her STOMACH.

The worst examples on the show were a woman who was going to be a pastor’s wife and wanted a “sexy” gown that she was falling out of.  “We saved ourselves for marriage, so now we get to pop pop pop like popcorn,” said the bride to be. Her horrified mother gave in too easy.  Another one I saw was a very hefty woman trying on gowns that would NOT cover her huge breasts.  She bought one bling infested gown with two interchangeable skirts.  The designer gave her a break on the price.Good, as she had “only” 13k to spend.  Remember that when you are eating beans at the end of the month, ti’s.  I could use that to buy a car or a van.

The worst of all was the poor woman who imagines she talks to Princess Di and wanted to be a “princess” on her weddding day.  She was so desperate for her gown she lost 35 pounds for it.  It fit. Her husband, the poor “prince” is like 400 pounds.  Be quiet, however, the couple are COPS.  Shhhh. The runner -up is a woman who was hooking up with a real ugly guy from her high school days 40 years later and wearing this see thru pink gown and having her stupid gullible friends burst into TEARS when she tried on this gown in front of them.  This 50 year old hussy took the cake so to speak.  All these “gowns” were sold at two exclusive boutiques and started at about 1500 dollars.  One was Kleinfeld of New York and I enjoyed the New York accents I no longer hear anymore.  (I was raised Jewish).

The dresses started at about 1500 dollars and went up to about 20k or more depending on the designer.  I wondered why they all looked the SAME:  then someone on Slate had the answer:  it was CHEAPER to add a poufy skirt to the same ol top over and over than to fuss with sleeve designs.  So these bridezillas are really suckers.  They did not show ONE gown with real sleeves save one…”sleeves” mostly were netting and lace at the top of the gown or spaghetti straps. They were getting ripped off.  One had sleeves then a “cowl” neck that left the whole FRONT of the gown OPEN to the waist.  WTF?

Still, I was addicted to the show and kept giving the brides attempts to come up with gowns “numbers”.  The family would tear up and say it’s a “10” and I’d say “two”.  LOL.  I watched until I pretty slender lady came in with all her huge obese in laws (I should not talk) and started trying on gowns.  These fatsos were really critical, especially the groom to be.  They had the gall to say she looked “fat” in one of the gowns.  They should be so fat..Finally, she came out with a gown she thought was a show stopper and her fiance said, J*SUS derisively when he saw the gown.  He was taking the Lord’s name in vain over a dress.  I had to stop watching.  My bad for trying to participate in the WORLD.  I figured if I kept watching I was gonna earn God’s Wrath.

I looked at a modest bride site that was Mormon and there were gowns with sleeves that covered you up but were pretty boring.  I liked one of them that looked like it could have been worn in the middle ages with a sort of low boat cut and bell sleeves.  None of the gowns were purple.  Too bad.

My mother wore a “Camelot” style wedding dress, basically a knee length dress with short sleeves and a little bling.  It was very covered up compared to what I saw on TV.  My sister’s dress could have been featured in a convent compared to these numbers.  My mother’s dress looked kind of like the lady on the RIGHT.

on the right

My mother was so skinny her arms looked like toothpicks, not tree trunks like most of the “ladies” I saw on the show.

So now you know I can be very superficial and vain.  Hahahaha.

Any moral to all of this?  Can’t think of one.

the prettiest contestant

What was the last thing you searched for online? Why were you looking for it?

I was looking for Acts Chapter1 Verse 1. It was pat of my Bible Study. I am starting to read a long commentary on the book of John.

I don’t think I have enough material or inspiration to do the NoPoMo or whatever that is. I didn’t find out about it until after November began.