My Shrink

My shrink (yes I was conned back into the psych game due to V2k and intense “demonic” attacks), was acting funny yesterday.

I only see her once every few months but this time she came and got me on time (never happens) and was all business, not even a smile or “hi”.  Her mood seemed so heavy at first I thought something was going down and I was gonna get hauled off somewhere.

Her questioning was pointed, acting like I was losing even basic life skills.  Then she tried to pitch me the antipsychotic drugs again…again!!!!!  I know probably half the “clients” she sees are probably ti’s or have been victimized by the system some way.  Very few people there at the center look or act crazy and that ones that are are probably the ones that are on the most DRUGS.

The first time I saw a shrink was in my teens and I was pitched antipsychotics at FIFTEEN even though I had no voices or hallucinations.  I became suicidally  depressed on the poison and that is how I ended up in the state hospital at SIXTEEN, and I think they wanted me for a long time or even forever.  That is when I ran and by a miracle was not made to go back even though my “head therapist” tried to con me into going back “inside”.  We even had a “final meeting” INSIDE THE UNIT.  I did not breathe until one of the “counselors” opened the gate to let my parents and I out.

Back to now…

I even recently made the comment that if I allowed them to drug me to the gills, make me gain 100 pounds, lose 30 IQ points, get diabetes, etc…they would probably find me a new place to live.  I am basically uncooperative with the drugs so they won’t do shit for me.  I did not tell the shrink that comment but made it to someone else.

I know these finks have the inside track to low income housing but refuse to help.  Also, there are several clients each time I go that are clearly homeless but still go get their pills.  They will literally give you them for free even if you sleep under a bridge.

I did a post on my old blog about forced drugging and maybe I should resurrect it.  The person I knew who was drugged got all kinds of goodies from the system except her freedom.  Her attitude was one of anger and disgust the last time I saw her. She was also a perp.

She tried to hurt me badly but she was/still is? a textbook case of how far the system would go to control someone.  Someone gets rich off our misery and the demoniacs get high off the negative emotions.  I really expected to see a cop inside her office when I went back.

Moping Around at New Year’s

Moping Around on New Year’s

It’s been a tough year for me, and I didn’t post for most of it.  From V2k threats against posting, threats of eviction, perping, and all the rest, I can see this gangstalking gets worse every year.  This fall I have been gangstalked for 30 years.  I remember the weird behavior started when I returned home after trying to live out of state in late 1986.

There were a few blessings so it wasn’t all hellish.  Soon, very soon, 2017 will be here with a drastically new President.  Will it bode better for me and other ti’s or will it be worse?  Will I finally be able to be independent again going about my business on public transportation without much fear or will I be forever dependent on rides to get things done?

For the first time in months, I took myself somewhere.  It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be since today some companies are giving their employees the day off to compensate for New Year’s being on a weekday.  The buses were fairly empty but the store (wow I even took myself to the effing store!) was very crowded.

When I first found out I was a ti on January 9, 2005, I was determined not to stay in the house all the time.  I find myself at home lots more these past 3 years since I have been threatened on the bus going to the store in April, 2014.  I used to go somewhere everyday, even if just the park, despite heavy gangstalking.  Now I see it as not worth it.  Short, necessary trips are all I make and seldom.  I am afraid.  I am older.  The perps seem more aggressive.

I hope Trump restores some law and order so I won’t fear violence if I decide to exercise outside again.

A lot of people of the celebrity sort have died this year, most prematurely.  I don’t think I have long.  The perps put a picture in my head with a – dash 2017, like I might die this coming year.  The people in charge are winnowing out who they don’t like now.

I’m wasting my life. I’ve had V2k threats even for reading my library books and now they are very late.  I’ve even had V2k threats for sitting outside.  I waste my time besides the basics of living and Bible Study watching videos instead of reading books, being outside, exercising. listening to pastors on podcast, etc….I’m going to seed.  My brain needs work to do. I’m not interested in crossword puzzles anymore or crafts. I was “told” by a voice I could not use coloring books to fill out the time or ELSE.

There are very many homeless people here and they use it as a threat to me.  Last year, I heard as a threat, that I would become homeless, and on top of that, no one would help me and I would die a slow death outside.  I get very scared when we get cold spells.  We are going to get our third or fourth spell of zero weather after New Year’s.  It is colder than last year.  Colder and drier.  La Nina.  There is an old woman who has been staying outside on my block since July, and another group of homeless that have been here over a year.  Other groups come and go.

Even the homeless here seem cliquish and hang around each other, and yes, they perp.  Even living outside has expenses, and a Social Security check won’t even pay the rent around here if you are not in Section 8, so you live in fear.  When I started on Social Security, I could have just barely made it in my former 410 dollar a month apt with food stamps.  Now, the smallest studio is 900 dollars.  Food stamps have been cut.  I got more food stamps to start out with in 1999 than I get today.  I’d go back to work if I could get a living wage, health insurance, and no perp bullshit, e.g. getting set up to get fired time after time.

Now there is the Murphy Act that gives mental health providers the power to FORCE patients on drugs they don’t want even if they aren’t violent or suicidal.  They have shots that last 3 months so putting pills down the loo isn’t an option all the time.

For 6 or 7 of Obama’s 8 years Social Security recipients have had no raise at all or a very small one.  Prices keep going up.  There are rules living in Section 8, and if you lose your apt you could end up on the street.  This is not California or Florida.  I don’t have a car to live in.  It seems to be the “in” thing now to live in your car, work, and save up.  Sounds like a rough life to me.  I knew a woman who had to do it HERE where there is winter for 3 years with only her dog for warmth.  Her daughter would not take her in.  She’d let her own mother, who had to raise her as a single mom take a shower there.  I hate this world.

Please keep me from hating You, God.

I usually spend New Year’s with the covers over my head and music playing to drown out the sound of celebration.

Has Anyone Heard This Mp3?

There was supposed to be an Mp3 dated March of this year by Deborah Tavares concerning the disappearance of ti’s and I can’t find it anywhere online to access it.  It was supposed to be on the Common Sense Show by David Hodges.  I saw several links to the show when I Googled it but it seems to have gone.  Was Deborah Tavares threatened to take it down?  I really wanted to hear it.  I am a ti that is down to nearly zero people and could be “disappeared” as well.  I saw a threatening skit this morning with a woman pretending to have her hands cuffed behind her back doing a slow kind of funeral march down the street.  There was a lot of the perp shit horse and pony show outside today as well.  Was today supposed to be the Jade Helm exercise? You can see posts of my old blog at Wayback Machine.  It is Downcastmysoul.  I should never have removed it but I was (supposedly) hooking back up with my “friend” at that time and did not want her to see the few posts I wrote about her.  The “friendship” that ensued was a sham and ended very bitterly with her accusing me with horrible things.  Probably paid or threatened. She is NOT living her best life now…back on the forced meds, physically ill, and still living in her poor ass low income apartments despite her recent inheritance.  The Hater Hell Apartments. I went back to the old posts and read she was doing the nose swiping as early as 2010 or so.  What I put up with to have someone in my life so I would not be disappeared.

PS Deborah Tavares has put up a new You Tube channel but the audio of disappearing ti’s is not on it.  Where did it go?