Here it is, Fall again, and another Yom Kippur alone.
I should not be concerned about Yom Kippur since I have been or professed Christianity for 20 years. Yet, I still felt God, or the Holy Spirit driving me to fast Yom Kippur. If I felt assured of my Salvation I might write it off as bunk or “Judaizing” my faith. But, I really don’t know if I’m saved since 2010 and even before that. I had been backsliding since 2003 or so, and I thought I had made it right but this last year has been from hell and I don’t think God is with me anymore.
For four years now, I’ve also been fasting once a week thinking this would keep me in God’s good graces and keep demons and other troubles off me. It’s a healthy physical practice but I haven’t got much from it spiritually since the fast became just a part of my weekly routine. I keep hearing negative messages from God (or Voice to Skull?) so I stopped praying pretty much. If I pray, I get Voice to Skull and it does not seem I get through to God. I stopped fasting once a week 3 weeks ago but I’ll do Yom Kippur.
I doubt I’d have even considered Christianity if it hadn’t been for the rabbi that rejected me when I was a kid. I would have stayed put as a Jew and not been abandoned by my family (even though they might have done it because I’m a ti). I really thought Christianity was the way to go since I had guilty sins on my conscience, and Jesus Christ promised forgiveness of all sins.
About the Bat Mitzvah I never had: to be honest, it wasn’t that I just missed out on the gifts, the party, the adoring relatives, etc….that is very well for a child and I would have loved it, but I had a deeper feeling of rejection.
I felt you just about pushed me out of Cheder and the Bar/Bat Mitzvah program because God told you to. I felt you had a pipeline to God and He told you not to give me a Bat Mitzvah. I didn’t measure up. At 11 1/2 I was evil, somehow, a defective. That feeling led to my rebellion in my teen years along with all the bullying and ostracisism.
I thought it would all be cool with God and I when I got “Saved”. Maybe not. I had never heard of Predestination until later. Maybe I’m not one of the elect. I’m probably not one of the elect. I still coulda had a Bat Mitzvah. Did my parents/teachers get their tips on raising me from the devil himself?
Here’s to another Yom Kippur.