Moping Around at New Year’s

Moping Around on New Year’s

It’s been a tough year for me, and I didn’t post for most of it.  From V2k threats against posting, threats of eviction, perping, and all the rest, I can see this gangstalking gets worse every year.  This fall I have been gangstalked for 30 years.  I remember the weird behavior started when I returned home after trying to live out of state in late 1986.

There were a few blessings so it wasn’t all hellish.  Soon, very soon, 2017 will be here with a drastically new President.  Will it bode better for me and other ti’s or will it be worse?  Will I finally be able to be independent again going about my business on public transportation without much fear or will I be forever dependent on rides to get things done?

For the first time in months, I took myself somewhere.  It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be since today some companies are giving their employees the day off to compensate for New Year’s being on a weekday.  The buses were fairly empty but the store (wow I even took myself to the effing store!) was very crowded.

When I first found out I was a ti on January 9, 2005, I was determined not to stay in the house all the time.  I find myself at home lots more these past 3 years since I have been threatened on the bus going to the store in April, 2014.  I used to go somewhere everyday, even if just the park, despite heavy gangstalking.  Now I see it as not worth it.  Short, necessary trips are all I make and seldom.  I am afraid.  I am older.  The perps seem more aggressive.

I hope Trump restores some law and order so I won’t fear violence if I decide to exercise outside again.

A lot of people of the celebrity sort have died this year, most prematurely.  I don’t think I have long.  The perps put a picture in my head with a – dash 2017, like I might die this coming year.  The people in charge are winnowing out who they don’t like now.

I’m wasting my life. I’ve had V2k threats even for reading my library books and now they are very late.  I’ve even had V2k threats for sitting outside.  I waste my time besides the basics of living and Bible Study watching videos instead of reading books, being outside, exercising. listening to pastors on podcast, etc….I’m going to seed.  My brain needs work to do. I’m not interested in crossword puzzles anymore or crafts. I was “told” by a voice I could not use coloring books to fill out the time or ELSE.

There are very many homeless people here and they use it as a threat to me.  Last year, I heard as a threat, that I would become homeless, and on top of that, no one would help me and I would die a slow death outside.  I get very scared when we get cold spells.  We are going to get our third or fourth spell of zero weather after New Year’s.  It is colder than last year.  Colder and drier.  La Nina.  There is an old woman who has been staying outside on my block since July, and another group of homeless that have been here over a year.  Other groups come and go.

Even the homeless here seem cliquish and hang around each other, and yes, they perp.  Even living outside has expenses, and a Social Security check won’t even pay the rent around here if you are not in Section 8, so you live in fear.  When I started on Social Security, I could have just barely made it in my former 410 dollar a month apt with food stamps.  Now, the smallest studio is 900 dollars.  Food stamps have been cut.  I got more food stamps to start out with in 1999 than I get today.  I’d go back to work if I could get a living wage, health insurance, and no perp bullshit, e.g. getting set up to get fired time after time.

Now there is the Murphy Act that gives mental health providers the power to FORCE patients on drugs they don’t want even if they aren’t violent or suicidal.  They have shots that last 3 months so putting pills down the loo isn’t an option all the time.

For 6 or 7 of Obama’s 8 years Social Security recipients have had no raise at all or a very small one.  Prices keep going up.  There are rules living in Section 8, and if you lose your apt you could end up on the street.  This is not California or Florida.  I don’t have a car to live in.  It seems to be the “in” thing now to live in your car, work, and save up.  Sounds like a rough life to me.  I knew a woman who had to do it HERE where there is winter for 3 years with only her dog for warmth.  Her daughter would not take her in.  She’d let her own mother, who had to raise her as a single mom take a shower there.  I hate this world.

Please keep me from hating You, God.

I usually spend New Year’s with the covers over my head and music playing to drown out the sound of celebration.



I have been having some money problems lately and also got my food stamps cut a couple of years ago and not replaced up to the level they were.  They are at the level I had in about 2005. Prices are up. According to calculations, to eat only on SNAP I’d have to eat $2.63 worth of food a day.  I never could make it.  I spend a lot of cash on food.  The cash runs out and the food runs out.  Cooking for hours in a non air conditioned apt for hours is not feasible since it heats things up for hours even more if you do. If it’s 85 in the apt do you want to cook a 2 hour dinner?

Eating “out” at fast food is about 10 to 12 bucks unless you order off the “dollar” menu or eat at Mickey D’s.  I went out with someone to a “nice” restaurant chain for lunch (because he paid) and the food cost a lot and both of us noticed that the meat seemed a bit old. Add to that a snarky waiter and it…sucked.  This food chain used to be so nice I would go there on my birthday..I would have enjoyed eating at Wendy’s more than eating beef I was not sure of!  The bill, which I saw this time, added up to half of what I get in a month!!!!!!!!

My “stamps” seem to pay for one week of food.  I’m eating too high on the hog.  According to a USDA web site in 2015 a woman my age should eat between 38 to 75 dollars a week depending on whether she ate “thrifty”, “low cost”, or “fancy”.  Here is an article that discusses food stamps.  It states that an average recipient should get enough SNAP credit to eat 4.00 worth of food a day.  That ain’t much.  I get at least a third less.  I USED to get what would give me 4 bucks a day’s worth, and, by buying in bulk at a membership store, I could last about 2.5 to 3 weeks on groceries from SNAP and a little cash.  Cash and eating at my former friend’s house plus her bringing her excess food made up the rest.

I’m gonna end up eating beans every day…..Wally World has seemed more expensive lately so I went to our main food store here in town and got more for my money but more perping as usual.  It seemed there was a perp in every aisle watching what I was getting and reporting on it.  I was also followed around like a thief.  I doubt I’ll be back.

At other food stores here I’ve been race baited/watched/abused and even banned from one store I do not miss so much except that it was convenient to public transportation.

I’m obviously not starving to death but I’m buying convenience food because it seems cheaper than buying the ingredients, plus they weigh more to lug around. I’m also depressed because my girlfriend (not that kind) no longer talks to me and I don’t want to spend lots of time on cooking to just eat it at the computer.

I should post the main points on my eating woes from 2009 on the old blog.  Back then, you could visit as many food banks as you needed to eat. Now they put you in a database and supposedly you can only eat out of one food bank.

My former friend had a great food bank to go to but I did not live in the area.  They gave you like at least 50 bucks of food a time including meat and milk and veggies!  They were rude and perpy to me whenever i went with her and had this woman always tell me to “go to hell” when I passed her.  This food bank was at a church!  The sign on a slab of sandstone at the door said that the “Gates of Hell would not prevail” there but they have!

I “ate out” at another restaurant myself earlier this month and it was just a hamburger lunch. 12 bucks for fast food.  Most Americans eat at least one meal out a day every day or have takeout/delivery.  I “eat out” about 5 times a month.

In the past, food was cheaper.  Hamburger was a buck a pound.  You could eat well for 30 or 40 bucks a week.  When I worked, I ate 1 to 2 meals out each day and ate at home plus snacks and TV “binges”.  I hardly ever ran out.  Now I do.  Restaurant meals were about 4 or 5 bucks.  The wages I got there are no different than the current minimum wage today.  I eat 2 meals a day usually and am guilty of liking “sweets” to calm my nerves.

The rich yuppie women who live around here are skeletal.  Do they save money or eat specialty food in tiny packages?  The working class neighbors weigh more but seem to “get pizza” delivered a lot.

Something smells in Denmark.  Put on your gasmasks if I end up eating more beans.