Part Two

The other part of my private hell I haven’t really posted is THE FIRE.  Last year, in January, the homeless shelter/home that is associated with these apartments burnt down.  The firemen decided it was arson.  It was set in the middle of the night, at 4am, and I had people knocking on the door at 5am.  The house was burnt beyond repair.  My landlady’s friend became a permanent resident here despite my landlady saying she would only be here for 6 months while they raised funds to get a new house to rent for a shelter.  That was 14 months ago and this woman eggs my landlady on into harassing me even more, so much, that I spend every day in the kitchen because it’s the only part of the apartment where her apartment isn’t overhead.  I hate even going to the bathroom or showering because she watches!!!  She comes out into the hall which is one wall away from the bathroom and hangs around!!!

Back to the fire.  The firemen and police never found a suspect and I didn’t think even my hellish landlady would have the gall to blame me for it.  But she did.  She sweetly lied and told me the investigation was over last April but the building still stands in all it’s crusty glory looming.  It was supposed to have been sold, torn down, and offices put there.  I even went there myself to help my landlady’s friend and others take things out of the house that were salvageable.  If I had DONE IT I don’t think I would have had the gall to go back there and go in there again and again taking stuff out of a dirty cold dangerous burnt home.  I even went in my landlady’s friend’s ROOM.  It was gutted. She was crying. I would have avoided it and the street it was on like the fucking plague if I had done it.

I didn’t know my landlady was gossiping about me until last March when I was sitting outside on a warm day and overheard my neighbor talking about the fire and hearing “J. knows SHE did it but won’t call the cops.”  I confronted my landlady who in her best actressy way, sweetly denied it and put the blame on my friend saying SHE accused me of it but that she, Ms. Landlady, thought it was ridiculous.  The gossip continued.  I heard all my neighbors talking about it.  Even their children would come up to me on bikes and scooters and say “busted!!”

The handyman that helps us with projects for a reduced rate seemed rude and cold to me last Fall when he was here.  I told my lovely landlady and she said, ” ooooh he’s just fine.” ” When he comes to work on your place after he’s done with what he’s doing he will be fine.”  He was “fine”, his old friendly self, for the few minutes he was there.  Later, as he was out there with my landlady who was paying him, they chatted.  I decided to join the chat.  He was talking about all the development in this city and mentioned his old street.  He said my old street is ON FIRE!!!  I gave him a dirty look at the word “fire” and he left in a big hurry.  THAT IS WHY HE WAS COLD TO ME.  He has always been nice, even when everyone else has treated me like crap.  God only knows who else this poison has spread to.

I have my own theories as to who started the fire.  I have no proof.  But it was strange my landlady was out of town thousands of miles away and her friend was spending the night over HERE.  Also, I read online that one of the residents saw the fire starting and tried to turn on the hose to douse it and the hose was not working.  Inside job.  Also, the fire was set near to where the kitchen stove was so whoever did it knew the place would blow if the stove got involved.  Inside job.  Whether the suspect was a disgruntled ex-resident who got kicked out, or, someone associated with me who wanted me out of here: read, my “neighbor” who never hid her objective for coming here was to get me out,  I’ll never know because the fire dept dropped the ball and called it an “accident” after all.  It would be just too convenient to have me kicked out of here, hauled off to prison to rot and to never come back and probably be homeless the rest of my life if I got out.  I’d probably have to perp for a living just to survive.

My landlady just keeps denying that she blames me and sweetly keeps telling me that it was an “accident”, like someone threw a cigarette in the back of the house and it and the whole house caught fire, but I’m not buying it.  No one but one person was hurt, but many could have died!!! I’ve prayed to God over and over to reveal and punish the arsonist but He does nothing, nothing.  My landlady is even worse now.  She never leaves home except for about 5-6 hours a week when she absolutely has to.  She takes very short trips to the laundromat or to the post office otherwise and that’s it.  She hangs around upstairs and watches me and never leaves.  When her friend, who got burnt out, is here it’s even worse.  They sit upstairs and talk about me loudly so I can hear.  You can understand my joy when she and her friend left on Saturday and I could watch a video she “forbade”.  She even “forbids” me to watch my favorite online pastor with the threat of course being in home imprisonment.

I’m now angry with God for this.  He’s had a year to get the arsonist, nine years to get me out of this apt when my landlady turned el perpo in a big way, and eight years to get the hag out of my life.  The hag sits with her two boyfriends and cushy church job and makes my life hell.  I once told her she was ruining my life and she told me in her gravelly demon voice that I did not have a life.  She was right.  I have stopped doing Bible Study because that was the last straw with God.  I have lived in an increasing hell for 30 years and now even my basic physical freedom is threatened.  My mind is read, my clothes scrutinized, my Web browsing scrutinized, EVERYTHING.  God is AWOL.  When I went into sin back in 2007-2011 this was the case:  it seemed God wasn’t there or offered me lollipops for gaping wounds.

Another perp that lives behind me has stopped working and trolls around the neighborhood gossiping about me to anyone, including construction workers, who will listen.  He has all new cars.  He struts around like he’s the prince of Wales.  He’s built high fences that jut into the alley so I can’t see down the alley if I sit outside.  He has bright spotlights and cameras out back so if I sit outside at night in summer I have to sit on the ground to avoid all the light.  My new neighbors who live in a renovated old apt home installed a back motion light that shines like the sun when a person or animal or even a leaf blows by.  I heard the boss of that project tell his workers to make the light “longer” on my side.  People come out to laugh at me no matter how late in summer especially the neighbor behind me two doors down who turns on his PURPLE LIGHT outside and goes on his back porch and mocks me.

I can’t take it anymore.  I need prayer since I can’t seem to get ahold of God myself.

Every time I hear a siren or see a cop or fireman, which seems to be very often, I get scared.  I once even saw a fireman hiking in the mountains on a trail when my friend took me on a day trip to get out of here.  I think they are doing the perp thing and psyching me out.  Why God won’t judge my lying landlady is beyond me.  It isn’t her first rodeo when it comes to deeply hurting me.  I want out of here but it’s either here or the streets. I’ve had empty promises on and off line to help me move but nothing happens.  The hag 2 doors down announced she want’s to “spend the rest of her life” here.  NO.

My lovely landlady wants to “spend the rest of her life” here, too.  Even after she retires.  Maybe I’ll tear that rag she wears on her head off so she’ll kick me out.