Shattered (a ballad)

Shattered Glass spreads itself in Swords in the dirty alley behind the apt….

Once upon a time in Hell Town
There was a chubby lonely lass
Who looked to a rock hero
And got hooked in fast

The girl finally met a boy
Who seemed nice but was a monster
But she still pined for her hero
And the boy had started to look like a loser

II

As we sat there thirty years ago
I told you I was leaving town
You told me we were done
And that I was all alone

Over hamburgers and fries and drinks
At a now defunct hamburger chain
You told me all your friends hated me
And never to call you again

My Mecca called and I had to go
I was leaving on a bus
I was going to live near my hero
And be a groupie so I could lust

You told me not to look you up
If I came back
I said I was not worried about you
Your soul suddenly seemed black

I went to my Mecca to see my hero
A dumb chubby lass
Little did I know that
It would all turn into shattered glass

I traveled through the lovely autumn
Progressively getting warmer
Down we went where the trees were still green
And you didn’t need cold weather armor

I first stayed at a cheap hotel on the beach
That I had been to before
Soon it became a weekly room
Very bare and poor

Shit jobs were easy to find
Working barely paid the rent
I suffered day by day
While all my money was spent

One hot day I made it to the concrete haj
Where my rock hero worked
Along came a very overgrown girl
Around our haj on a bike she lurked

I asked her if she was one like me
And she said yes
She showed me her tiny room
Plastered with our rock heroes in excess

I was lonely and miserable
And visited my friend  always at my initiation
We hung in the tiny dirty room
To share our rock hero fixation

One hot day we walked and walked
To go see my hero
The groundskeepers taunted us cruelly
And mangled my precious ego

Finally he appeared with his wife
Upon a ten speed bike
At least he was polite
He resisted my outstretched hand:  me he did not like.

He disappeared as soon as he appeared
And it was over
We left after a photograph with him
I had gotten to see my imaginary lover

That fall he was going to a ball
But I had no ticket
They were giving them away on the radio
But I was caught in Depression’s thicket

My friend went to the ball in the fall
In a Goodwill dress
The tickets were three hundred dollars
But for attire she spent far less

She was whisked away into the night
In a Porsche convertible chariot
With a few other fans from the haj
Oh! How fair it was!

She waxed poetic the next day about the ball
I sat in agony over opportunity missed
There was dinner and a concert
And she met all our heroes on the list

She said I might meet my hero’s brother
But I had to work that day
I was broke–no money
I did not know God would soon take him away

I was miserable and alone
Except in her company
We walked the beach and went to the mall
But I was missing something

Home, home to go home
Where my family was
And not to be alone!
I prepared to get on the next bus

Instead my folks flew me home
Right before Thanksgiving
It was 85 degrees when I left
My folks bragged it had been sixty

The airline lost my bag from the army store
It was delivered the next day
My friend had given me a glass clad picture
When I opened the bag–broken into shivers it lay!

III

I felt Conscience calling my name
That this was the end
I needed to stop following my hero
And say Goodbye to my fan friends
Shattered Glass became Swords

A vague horror attached to me
As I threw the shards into the trash
I had gone tilting at windmills
And my hopes had been dashed
Shattered Glass became Swords

I should have grown up and made some goals
But to follow my hero was my life
My Conscience was screaming
But I turned a deaf ear to the inner fight
Shattered Glass became Swords

Years and tears followed my sour trip
Yet I went on living in a fantasy
The world was just a dead place
Oh, if I knew my fallacy
Shattered Glass became Swords

I went to My Mecca again
A fat, grown woman
Invited by another infatuated friend
I should have never gone–no man!
Shattered Glass became Swords

One by one my fan friends dropped off
She was to be the last one
I was led into a disaster
She was rude and hateful and now all was gone
Shattered Glass became Swords

Years ago, another time in Teen Hell
I had forgotten my private war
Now in despair I pined
Not to be called anymore
Shattered Glass became Swords

At the bottom of the barrel of darkness
I found “religion” and new hope
Or so I had thought
I went to church to try and cope
Shattered Glass became Swords

Church didn’t work out
I would be a Christian “on my own”
It worked a few years
But soon I would be dashed against stones
Shattered Glass became Swords

It was New Years Eve five years later
And I felt despair
Everything I had been promised by false preachers
Had faded into the air
Shattered Glass became Swords

I thought of my hero again
My forgotten idol of yore
I gave up on life again
And reopened the old festering sore
And Shattered Glass became Swords

Two weeks later lightning struck
A terrible tragedy close to my hero
The shards of glass followed the hearse in a spiral
My trouble I could not fathom:  or I would have feared, Oh!
Shattered Glass became Swords

Down Down I went
On the road to perdition
I rode on the winds of my obsession
I had lost my life to fiction
Shattered Glass became Swords

One day in raptures of fantasies and stories
I woke up for a moment
To discover I had become again that teenage girl
Escaping from her peers’ torment
Shattered Glass became Swords

A few years later my hero died
I barely mourned him
You want to know the reason why
I had asked God to look for sin
Shattered Glass became Swords

I wanted to know what my hero was made of
Turned out he was a zero, not a hero
Not even fit to hang out with
For Thirty-Two Years my eyes had been closed to what was a fool
Shattered Glass became Swords

Now I’ll pay the eternal price
For God has robbed me of all peace
I’ve tried to repent and reform
But there’s no reconciliation or release
Shattered Glass entered my heart

PS…..and in ultimate IRONY I believe my fallen “hero” had become a ti close to his premature death.

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