They would cancell my show? Fifteen.

Think about an event you’ve attended and loved. Your hometown’s annual fair. That life-changing music festival. A conference that shifted your worldview. Imagine you’re told it will be cancelled forever or taken over by an evil corporate force.

How does that make you feel?

Today’s twist: While writing this post, focus again on your own voice. Pay attention to your word choice, tone, and rhythm. Read each sentence aloud multiple times, making edits as you read through. Before you hit “Publish,” read your entire piece out loud to ensure it sounds like you.

After eons of targetting, I have gradually withdrawn from life.  I don’t go to large outdoor gatherings if I can avoid it.  The perps are all there and I’m miserable.  I don’t go to malls–they are perp havens and tin badge playgrounds. I have not been to a concert in 23 years, don’t go to bars, amusement parks, or even movies.  With no car and no money, vacations are out of the question.

It’s even been a couple of years since I’ve been on a hike.  I have stopped walking in the city for about a year now. I don’t feel well now that I don’t exercise.  I used to do it almost every day but then the stalking became too much and I began to feel in danger after almost being run over by a truck and seeing dead animals including dogs, cats, rabbits, mice and even a deer. I live in the city so it took effort to find and kill all those animals. Also, the little emo skits they had to play on me every walk ate my soul out.   After that I walked with a friend but now even she won’t walk due to medical considerations.  I found only one person to walk with and she will only go once a month or so.  I don’t trust this person but walking alone seems to be a thing of the past.

Each walk is harder and harder to complete and I’m stiff and achy and slow.

So what has my life become?  Trips to grocery stores, veterinary offices, pet groomers, doctors and shrinks.    Even the part time and volunteer jobs have all dried up. I only eat out maybe 2 to 3 times a month. I haven’t checked out a library book in months.  I went, and paid my fine and was looking for books to take out and one of the employees made some quip about one of my chronic diseases while I was in the stacks and I got this feeling they had put things in the books to make me ill. The only “work” I do is my friend’s laundry since she has sucky machines in her building and won’t use a laundromat, and looking after my and her cats, which was an adventure recently.  Now, most of my life is at home on the Net.

A few years ago, I started listening to several Christian shows on the Net, but, one by one they floated away or they openly perped me on the show to get rid of me.  The same happened with the Christian radio stations:  either open or subtle perping made me turn the radio off. The few Christian friends that I met on Skype all went away (touche).   Now there is only one show left I listen to.  I have never gone on the chat board there and have not made myself known to avoid the perping.

The show is a mixture of Christianity, Prophecy and Conspiracies and Politics.  It is only one once a week and I pick up the podcast once it’s done.  The owner of the show said recently he wanted to end the show as he felt it was all played out and he was tired of it.  If he leaves the air I will feel as if I’ve lost my last Christian “friend” even though I have never written him or chatted with him.  It’s a tiny spot of BEING, not existing, in my week.

If he goes I don’t know where I’m gonna find another Christian podcast I would like.  The one I REALLY like is “forbidden” to me by the perps with a very stern warning so I’m scared to go back there.  I have also been forbidden to attend Talkshoe ti shows on the Net by the same perps with the same warning.  I’m a slave, a former citizen of the United States.  My life is getting smaller and smaller.

It will be a sad day if my show goes off the air.

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