Here Comes the Slut

here comes the slut

I don’t have a TV.  That being said you cannot avoid TV outside the house because it’s “on” everywhere.  It’s playing in the check line at Wally World, at Social Services as you wait for an agent to see your file, and especially DOCTOR’S OFFICES.  Where I go there’s a huge screen TV out front and in the smaller office where I go there’s a smaller TV people watch as they wait for the doctor or shots.

Try reading the BIBLE waiting in that room.  You’ll get looks.  Even reading a novel is hard as the TV blares all the time, usually Judge this and Judge that where person A will sue person B for 114.13 and find the need to take it to a Judge and put it on TV.  These shows play over and over and over at the City Clinic.  Where I go to the Dr., it’s CNN on the big screen and potluck on the small TV where patients can choose the channel.  Once in awhile I’ll get the Weather Channel on and watch it the whole time.  I suspect even if I wasn’t a ti I would not be that popular.

I didn’t like what was on TV in the Dr. office.  It was Maury or something and the guests were getting humiliated as usual acting like asses and everyone hooting like they were at a football game not watching peoples personal problems.  I changed to channel to my guilty pleasure when I DO get to watch a TV:  TLC.  Yesterday there was a show on trying on Wedding Dresses and as I hadn’t brought my Bible to catch up on Bible Study nor brought a book, I watched it.

The show is Say Yes to the Dress and I’ve included the You Tube link to its full episodes.  An aside, if you have noticed, ADS take ONE THIRD of all TV time.  Each half hour episode is 21 minutes long.  If you can find a free hour episode of something like my favorite detective, Monk (the detective with Asperger’s) the time is like 41 minutes.  That’s a lot of brainwashing per hour.  The ads are filled with rapidly flashing imagery and sexual innuendo.  Even public TV has added ads.  Back to the show: the premise is that a woman is searching for a wedding dress and is willing to travel across the country to an expensive dress salon in New York (now Atlanta) to try on and buy a gown for their upcoming wedding.  They even PAY for the gowns…big rich TV network are cheap b*astards.

Each customer gets a personal consultant to find the right gown.  That level of service is rare outside of wedding boutiques.

Watching that show, in a way, was like traveling to Alaska.  It’s something I’ll never get to do being targetted and the experience to me is fascinating.  Something popped out at me after watching a few episodes at the Dr.s and then at home on You Tube….it was the same dress over and over pretty much-or a slutty alternative.  Basically it’s TWO dresses shown over and over with the occasional exception that is usually just as slutty as the others.

Dress One, the cake dress, is a tight strapless sweetheart bodice combined with a huge skirt in a variety of floof and lace and beads.  Dress two is the “fit and flare” which is dress one but is tight through the rump and only flares below the knee, like a mermaid.  Most all the dresses are in white or cream.  The few that had straps or sleeves have very deep “v” cuts in front or only some netting for “sleeves” above the usual strapless sweetheart cut.  One rare bride bought a red dress than proceeded to marry a man she met only online.

There were a FEW more modest gowns but when the girls put these on they complained and complained.  They wanted to be falling out of their gowns on their wedding day.  Here are some examples of wedding gowns that are even WORSE than the ones on the TV show.  Look at the one on the bottom, she needs to shave her STOMACH.

The worst examples on the show were a woman who was going to be a pastor’s wife and wanted a “sexy” gown that she was falling out of.  “We saved ourselves for marriage, so now we get to pop pop pop like popcorn,” said the bride to be. Her horrified mother gave in too easy.  Another one I saw was a very hefty woman trying on gowns that would NOT cover her huge breasts.  She bought one bling infested gown with two interchangeable skirts.  The designer gave her a break on the price.Good, as she had “only” 13k to spend.  Remember that when you are eating beans at the end of the month, ti’s.  I could use that to buy a car or a van.

The worst of all was the poor woman who imagines she talks to Princess Di and wanted to be a “princess” on her weddding day.  She was so desperate for her gown she lost 35 pounds for it.  It fit. Her husband, the poor “prince” is like 400 pounds.  Be quiet, however, the couple are COPS.  Shhhh. The runner -up is a woman who was hooking up with a real ugly guy from her high school days 40 years later and wearing this see thru pink gown and having her stupid gullible friends burst into TEARS when she tried on this gown in front of them.  This 50 year old hussy took the cake so to speak.  All these “gowns” were sold at two exclusive boutiques and started at about 1500 dollars.  One was Kleinfeld of New York and I enjoyed the New York accents I no longer hear anymore.  (I was raised Jewish).

The dresses started at about 1500 dollars and went up to about 20k or more depending on the designer.  I wondered why they all looked the SAME:  then someone on Slate had the answer:  it was CHEAPER to add a poufy skirt to the same ol top over and over than to fuss with sleeve designs.  So these bridezillas are really suckers.  They did not show ONE gown with real sleeves save one…”sleeves” mostly were netting and lace at the top of the gown or spaghetti straps. They were getting ripped off.  One had sleeves then a “cowl” neck that left the whole FRONT of the gown OPEN to the waist.  WTF?

Still, I was addicted to the show and kept giving the brides attempts to come up with gowns “numbers”.  The family would tear up and say it’s a “10” and I’d say “two”.  LOL.  I watched until I pretty slender lady came in with all her huge obese in laws (I should not talk) and started trying on gowns.  These fatsos were really critical, especially the groom to be.  They had the gall to say she looked “fat” in one of the gowns.  They should be so fat..Finally, she came out with a gown she thought was a show stopper and her fiance said, J*SUS derisively when he saw the gown.  He was taking the Lord’s name in vain over a dress.  I had to stop watching.  My bad for trying to participate in the WORLD.  I figured if I kept watching I was gonna earn God’s Wrath.

I looked at a modest bride site that was Mormon and there were gowns with sleeves that covered you up but were pretty boring.  I liked one of them that looked like it could have been worn in the middle ages with a sort of low boat cut and bell sleeves.  None of the gowns were purple.  Too bad.

My mother wore a “Camelot” style wedding dress, basically a knee length dress with short sleeves and a little bling.  It was very covered up compared to what I saw on TV.  My sister’s dress could have been featured in a convent compared to these numbers.  My mother’s dress looked kind of like the lady on the RIGHT.

on the right

My mother was so skinny her arms looked like toothpicks, not tree trunks like most of the “ladies” I saw on the show.

So now you know I can be very superficial and vain.  Hahahaha.

Any moral to all of this?  Can’t think of one.

the prettiest contestant

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4 thoughts on “Here Comes the Slut

  1. You are entitled to your opinons dcms. As a TI you know nothing is private anymore. The more skin a show expose the higher the rating. I find your critiques funny and on point. Im just glad youre over that stupid ‘writer s block’.

    Like

    • Well not really over it, just had a topic that was interesting. I was very depressed and could not write. Why are you reminding me nothing is private? The wedding cops? Yeah I thought about it. A calculated risk for a laugh?

      Like

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