Liar, Liar

I live the Big Lie.

The biggest Lie is when I go to my therapist and psychiatrist’s office.  We all lie.

We all Pretend.

They Pretend I have a Mental Illness so the gangstalking and Voice to Skull I get becomes “symptoms”.  No one gets to be accountable, no one suffers but me. I  pretend I’m Ill so I can get pills to help the relentless depression and anxiety, the constant escalating gangstalking produces.  I tried the fish oil and the vitamins.  They were Not Enough.

The Doctors dream up more and more excessive diagnoses for my “illness”…I become more “disabled” by the minute.  I’m halfway to mental retardation or complete insanity now.  I let them do it.  I can’t live without the pills that let me survive.

Three years ago the perps got me to such a low point I could not eat, could not sleep, could not sit in a chair for over 5 minutes.  They are very proud.

They played God and hurt me deep….they cooked up a Lie to bring me down.

So, after the misery of what they did…I started to play along.  I did what they wanted all along.  I took the pills.  I listened to them as they restricted my life more and more with more and more threats.  I got a little relief at first and then it got bad again, except this time I’m fat again with the pills and lost all that conditioning I got from all those little walks when I took my life in my hands not knowing what would happen on the way to and from the Park.

1.  People trying to run me over

2.  Trucks pretending to sideswipe me

3.  Skits always.

4.  Dead Animals

5.  Police Following me Around

6.  Police almost Arresting me

7.  Getting propostioned to by men

8.  Meeting a “boyfriend” who was being paid to snitch on me

ETC  ETC yet I walked…until I started to swallow the pills

I don’t know what happened.  When the first few pounds came on, I LIed to myself and tried to diet them off.  They would not budge.  I would go on a 3 day fast and the scale would not budge.  My walks became less and less frequent.  I became scared to walk as I grew heavier.  I Lied to myself I was better off without those walks.  But I’m not.

I started eating more to compensate for my extra anxiety due to less exercise.

My life is not better with the pills.  Just more manageable. Now I’m an addict to the pills and my gangstalking problems are even worse.  I was healthy now I’m weak and tired.

It all started with a LIe.

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34 thoughts on “Liar, Liar

    • Life without pills was better at first then the perps electronically and with life circumstances made me have an almost constant anxiety attack. I had to go back to pills or go insane. I have been on and off different ones since then but need certain ones to merely survive day to day. Without pills I was stronger and slowly getting lighter.

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    • Thanks for the reblog! It’s a real dance of deception and bullshit going thru the psych system for relief but when I went off pills no one was there for me. It’s a trap and I’m sure millions get caught in it.

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      • I understand the need to escape the gangstalking. I totally understand and honestly if it helps you get through then that is what matters. I also understand feeling totally alone in all this. For the first two years the psychopaths cut me off from accessing most information regarding their perpatude of activity. Knowledge is power and they wanted me to have none of it. But they lost and I now know what mentally ill cretins they are. Stay Strong and Stay Safe. God Bless!!

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      • You are not alone. There are millions of victims, ranging from the highly educated to those not. I am assuming, the more prevalent (i.e. acceptable they make the crime) the more people they will victimize. I also assume, at some point, that they will begin to eat their own for lack of victims. It is a sad, sad state of affairs. God bless and stay safe.

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      • It took me about a 1 and a half years to figure out the abuses I was being subjected to by these very sick people, if they can even be called that. They are incessant liars at best. Hugs and stay safe.

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      • People find out fast now. When mine started there was no Internet and no way to find out since no one would even toss me a clue.

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      • I was blocked from finding *anything* on the internet for two years. The sickos screwed up my PC and did man in the middle attacks to filter information coming back to me. I had heard of gangstalking, organized stalking but that came from a PI / Forensics guy. I was flying blind for a long time, by their design.

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      • It took me several months of surfing the Net to find out what it was and several more YEARS before I would admit it to myself. I nearly went crazy accepting this was my life.

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  1. I personally never lied to my therapist. Even when she didn’t believe me I insisted and remained consistant. When I discovered gang stalking I brought her a 50 page article and said this is what is happening to me. Its all right here. She hardly glanced at it. That was one of our last sessions. She knows I’m right. She had tears in her eyes. They always do. I took the drugs for several years. I believed what they said. The harassment stopped for three years. Often they stop the psywar if they can get you on psych drugs or tranquilizers or both but the drugs made me into a zombie that was hardly even functional. If something happens to me, I want to have all my wits about me. I like having cohesive thoughts and as frighning as it can be I would rather be able to truly see my situation with a clear vision.
    I took the drugs, and I had to take tranquilizers to combat the effects. I could hardly sit still, even with the tranquilizers. I could hardly contain myself for more than a few minutes. The drugs caused involuntary movement in my legs and tremors, excessive fear and preoccupation with death. (Known side effect)
    Even if I could stop the GS I couldn’t take the drugs again.

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    • Yeah you know the drill…been down the psych drug road. Most of the crap does not help. My stalking does not go away no matter what I take. I even had the misery of trying antipsychotics…they were hell in a pill, and the perps did not leave me alone. I was drug free and they increased the harassment and even put me in the hospital a couple of times but when I went back to pills it was no paradise and even with them the harassment is increasing all the time. My therapist said she went online and looked it up but still treats my harassment as “symptoms”. Same with the shrink. Can’t fight em. It’s their jobs, families, everything on the line. I once had a friend when she was going over to the perp side had tears in her eyes when we would do something social. I asked her what was wrong and she always said “allergies”.

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      • Yes. Those are the drugs I’m referring to. Unlike many of you my GS went on a three year hiatus which led me to believe not only their diagnosis, but that I was on my way to a full recovery. A family member made a premature comment just days before the harassment started up again which totally gave them away and I could never again be convinced that it was in my head. That was the beginning of my discovery of what GS is and how it works.

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      • I’ve heard of that before. The perps never left me alone more than two days after 9/11. I might not have made it if they left me alone then came back on me.

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  2. Get in touch with a mental health advocate. Tell them you want to replace the pills with talking therapy. Join every patient group and forum you can.They will give you the support you need to come off the meds. Even if they are idiots, just having people around will be helpful.

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    • Went on a few boards…they seemed to be very pro med. I usually end up getting ganged up on on forums. I wish I could make it without the pills but I’m not so sure anymore.

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  3. Tell me what you think the meds are doing for you. Messageboards can be helpful or they can be just the opposite. You need to connect with flesh and blood people. Go to MIND. You are already pretending, so go on pretending. Tell them you need an advocate to help you get the meds reduced. You find talking therapy more helpful. They have several groups you can join. If you are not in the UK go to the equivalent in your country. Seeing people regularly, drinking tea or coffee together, you will start to see that as support, rather than the meds. The best thing I ever did was come off the meds, but it is scary, I grant you.

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    • Maybe later. Off the meds was good and bad. I felt physically healthier but then the perps came and got me good. They also gave me massive anxiety attacks. I also felt my emotions that were very strong and uncomfortable considering there is little to be done about our situation. Deep depression and rage was no fun. I would escape into books and that was a good thing as my education had been somewhat disrupted earlier due to high school harassment and dropping out.

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      • You are lucky to be able to read a book. My harassers, never let me sit in one place long enough to do that. A warning: never agree to let them put you on intravenous medication,which is called Depot in the UK. I have never known anybody who came off Depot.

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  4. The last time I borrowed a book from the library, I had to renew it several times in order to get to the end of it, even though it was a slim volume. When I finally took it back to the library, it was a bedraggled mess, as it had been though so many “accidents” .

    I met a woman when I was in the hospital who was being given anxiety attacks like you. She had lost her home and her job and was living on the street when she was brought to the hospital and then just when she was due to leave and go to live in a hostel, she suddenly started getting the anxiety.

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    • It’s obvious the anxiety attacks are brought on. I once went to put some recipes on a disk and the perps hated it so they gave me an anxiety attack like I had before going back on the meds. And this was on the meds. It was so bad it took an hour to calm down even though I took more pills.

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      • Sorry, there is a twitter button on your blog and I clicked it. You should have it removed if you do not like it. I find twitter is an absolute godsend for a TI, who is being attacked all the time they are on the computer, as you can do a short, fast message, before they hit you again. However, I would of course love to know why you don’t like it.

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      • The Twitter button must have come with the theme I post under. I don’t use Twitter. One of my perps stalked me there when I attached a Twitter account to my old blog. He was my only follower there. Never commented only lurked around. I knew him personally and would write him emails and he would never respond to them but loved to lurk the Twitter and my old blog and probably the new one. So there.

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      • Not to belittle your experience, but we are all cyberstalked now. The police and the secret police are the world’s biggest cyberstalkers. They even hacked my blog, last week, so be careful when you are writing yours. They crashed the computer, while I had my account open and deleted half of my post. They then zapped me viciously with radiation, so I would not notice what had happened.

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      • I get gangstalking and V2k and everything else besides. The cyberstalking was done by someone I knew. I think she is still doing it. I mentioned something on my blog and the next day a homeland security truck sat at my bus stop and waited until I left on the bus just to scare me. I said some stuff on my old blog which probably engendered extra punishment from the perps as well. Gotta be careful. “Thought crime” is real now.

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