Goodbye Fatso

Write a letter to the personality trait you like least, convincing it to shape up or ship out. Be as threatening, theatrical, or thoroughly charming as is necessary to get the job done.

Oh look Gluttony, your Title is the color of a Purple Jordan Almond!

I am getting to the end of  my rope with you Gluttony.  You are a part of my life I no longer need.  You are slowing me down and making me even more ridiculous to the perps.  I can’t fit into my clothes.  You and Mr. Medication are a terrible twosome.  I need you to leave so I can become healthy and strong because the perps want to weaken me to the point I cannot resist.

You are always around all the time telling me I need more than I actually do for a meal, a snack, anything.  You are always pointing out this food and that food and how good it will be.  I’ve been there and done that.  I have eaten my way around this city for a long long time now.  I need to eat to live and not live to eat.  I need more meaning in my life.  The perps make it hard.

Gluttony you are a letdown.  I build up the the joys you will bring me when I eat a huge meal but I end up feeling bloated fat and alone.  The power is in the leadup to the event.  The high is not even there anymore.  Even fine food establishments are perp palaces now. Ever so rarely,  I go on the anticipation of great food and a sensory experience and get the nasty same old same old perping from the staff.  Might as well have made a run for the Bell and saved 50 bucks.  Of course when I’m sitting in that chair in that restaurant it’s too late to run out.

Mr. Medication, you also promise a lot and deliver little.  You are Mr. Gluttony’s helper.  You take the edge off things and as a side effect amp up my already huge appetite.  Sometimes you bloat me up with water and sometimes it’s plain old fat…whatever the case may be, you “meds” make me so ugly.  Your help is a tottering reed but I find little else when all goes wrong.  Brief relief from anguish but then the symptoms return as always a few hours later.  Plus, now I’m addicted to you so I have now a third problem: drug addiction.  Withdrawal from any “med” is hell and the shrinks love to play it down.  They are dealing out the pills like the pretty colored candy that is sitting by me now.

How do I get rid of you three?  Old Man Gluttony who never wants to leave, Mr. Medication who thinks he’s here to stay and Young Man Addiction who’d reallly like to mess it all up.  If I could, I would go off all of you pills and withdraw in an isolated safe place in nature.  I would take things out of my diet that are not needed like pastry and candy and extra extra bread.  I would learn how the skinny people eat.  I would follow and be a good pupil.

The three of you will drag me down to the grave decades before my time in bad health.  You three need your pink slips not another cupcake with pink icing topped off with a couple of pink pills swallowed down with coffee laced with sweetened cream to add that extra calorie kick.


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