Write a review of your life — or the life of someone close to you — as if it were a movie or a book.
by: Amber O’Dale Book Reviewer for the Portlandia Post and Reader.
I had a long weekend: The kids were off to lil hipster camp, my husband was fishing for large carp and my friends weren’t around. Normally I review books of quality for this, our wonderful paper, but I decided to do a trashy read for review this weekend for a change. One cannot always review great literature or even good literature. Even average literature. So, I decided to review some bad literature, a biography–an autobiography–of a woman’s life. It was a testament to a life so wasted and decimated from enemies from without and within that it made me cringe. Couldn’t ANYTHING be done for the woman? It’s like the universe had conspired to make her fail.
She says in the Foreword and throughout the book that she is a victim of organized stalking, or gangstalking, the newest buzzword on the Internet for people who feel everyone is after them. Do I believe the Organized Stalking exists? I’m not so sure. I almost want to believe in it since everything the woman tries fails. It’s like an invisible brick wall is preventing her from accomplishing anything and the little she accomplishes is so played down and discounted by others she does not feel like trying much harder. Oppression has taken place in every culture and in every time: there is no reason why this program would NOT exist–its just its covert nature and the lack of proof its victims have and the lack of help from ANY agency, charity or philanthropist that makes me cynical. In a nanny society that even coddles the monstrously obese and cross dressers, could not innocent victims of illegal stalking and harassment find comfort and help?
Going on through the book–it begins in childhood, of course. This review contains SPOILERS so if you don’t want to know what happens, please stop here and pick up my lovely review after you read all 500 terrible pages of it and gag on the pictures of the author. She is not easy on the eyes nor photogenic…sort of like a perfect victim…she would not have achieved heights in society even if the “program” had not existed. Back to the subject at hand:
Dcms2 was born into 1960s middle class suburbia as a slightly premature baby. Everything seemed fine until she was about 3 years old and “something happened” to her. She does not know what it was but her parents insinuated it was molestation by a “babysitter”. Maybe a babysitter, maybe someone closer. At that age she is diagnosed with a chronic illness that she fought the rest of her life. Her early years in school were marked by teasing and the worsening of her condition. She still had a few bright spots: family vacations, holidays, and a few friends. She relates she was not allowed to see Ike and Tina Turner in her friend’s backyard, but instead, her friend chose another friend. Was this mental illness? The stars showing up in her neighborhood?
Her teen years were no picnic. Starting with the sad story of leaving Hebrew School at 11, it goes on though her miseries in Middle School, her incipient weight problem that began small during those days, and her addiction to idolizing a rock band for comfort. She tried and failed diets, tried cigarettes, alcohol and pot. High School brought no relief. The real problems began with an adolescent admission to a locked mental ward, of which she goes on at length. Late adolescence was a bit more stable with Dcms2 getting a GED and entering college. It looked as if things might even become brighter but of course they did not.
The first two years of her twenties seemed OK . She tried and failed to live in the same city as her rock idols but soon came back and resumed college after she had had a break due to low grades. She went back to school and improved her grades, lost a large amount of weight and felt hopeful for the first time in her life. It was then, she said, about 1 year before she graduated college that the “gangstalkers” showed up. She managed to finish college, but failed to find work. She ended up going though program after vocational program– even up into her 40s– to try and get quality work. Work ended up being an endless series of temp office positions and and food service jobs with one exception: a position at the local phone company that lasted about 2 years. The harassment got worse and worse and by the time she was 30 she was also hearing the “voices” they call Voice to Skull as well. She recounts she was “saved” and became a Christian at 29 after having mulled it over for about a year.
Her thirties brought more trouble. She recounts a woman harassing her on the bus that tried to bring charges on her when she reacted. She got off with community service but felt a failure for having a “record” even though it was for only Disturbing the Peace. She continued struggling to work until her mid thirties when after losing a fast food job she finally threw up her hands and applied for benefits. During her thirties she acquired psychiatric care where she said they kept diagnosing her with worse and worse mental diseases which she says are patently false. All mental anguish was caused directly by the “perps” she said and she only went along with psychiatric care to get the pills to blunt the anguish the “perps” were causing. It seemed the mold for her life was cast: she never found meaningful work again although she tried to volunteer and do a very low hours position in her neighborhood. She managed to find a “Section 8” low income apartment but found the neighbors intolerable. They performed every trick in the book to upset and unhinge her including smearing her with accusations of racism and homosexuality and perversion.
During her forties, she tried to fight back. She discovered the Internet community of ti’s but soon became disappointed and disillusioned when the other “tis” as they call themselves repeatedly rebuked and rejected her on message boards and chat rooms. She decided to quit psychiatric meds altogether at the advice of another”ti” who told her the drugs only accentuate the mind control aspect of the program. She lasted over 2 years. She felt better, physically and even lost some of the gross amount of weight she had gained on the meds. Because she had “rebelled” against the “system” the perps got retribution according to her, that left her in even worse shape than before. Not only had she refused the drugs, she tried for awhile to live her life as freely as possible even flouting rules the “perps” had set for her regarding what clothes to wear and what to read, listen to on the radio, etc…She said it ended badly and was hit with nightmares, hallucinations and anxiety attacks so bad she went back on the meds reluctantly to get the worst of the suffering off her back.
She relates she tried spiritual help before going back to meds but the help was fleeting and she seemed to only grow worse as the months wore on. She said she still believed in the deliverance ministry but related she felt neglected and then rejected and then even “perped” by the deliverance ministers who were supposed to help. The pills were there to stay and so were the side effects. This time, her exhausted body could not handle the psych drugs as it did before and everything she tried had negative side effects. She went on and off drugs regularly each time with the attendant withdrawal syndrome. The weight was coming back and she felt older and more vulnerable than before and began to feel frequent walks were unsafe. the relief and freedom she found in the park with a book became more and more infrequent.
Finally she became deeply depressed. She relates her sleep became spotty. She became ashamed of her appetite and her perps began to taunt her about her weight. Her mouth was full of cavities and she was afraid to seek dental care because she swears her first “voices” came right after having a series of tooth extractions in the 1990s. She also did not have the money for dental care. She believed she was becoming slightly malnourished because of her inability to properly chew food.
Because the harassment never let off, she began to dread every bus trip, store trip etc…until she wanted to give up and hide out. She said the “perp memory wipe’ no longer worked and the effect of years of harassment in these establishments and others added up. The “perp memory wipe” she said, erased bad memories of the previous day or store trip so she was able to keep on with her life but its effect faded over time. She also avoided events where other people would be such as festivals, parties, amusement parks, etc. Even being on a crowded bus was torture. What she missed the most were family gatherings where she said even she felt safe until her family ousted her from the family at the death of her mother.
The final chapter, she wrote about what a failure she was and how even efforts to get into contact with her family failed. She related how she thought her troubles were part of a much larger picture relating to the End Times in the Bible and soon the evil doers would see their justice.
Right after the book was published by a self publisher, she took her own life. The book’s popularity took off and Thomas Nelson took it up for publishing. The book is now being considered for banning in mulitple school districts and library districts.