The Zone that Was

Tell us about your favorite way to get lost in a simple activity — running, chopping vegetables, folding laundry, whatever. What’s it like when you’re in “the zone”?

I used to have a “zone” but I don’t anymore.  I lived in that world most of my life:  it was my fantasy life–the place where the evil of my life did not exist.  My fantasies started around Kindergarten when I realized after being exited for months to start school, no one liked me there and I was teased everyday.  I existed there with the rock stars I obsessed on starting in Jr. High.  I made up fantasies about other things as well.  I always had a life in the fantasies and was successful at something.   I had virtually written a book in my head on my last fantasies.  Once, on a whim, the perps told me write small parts of it out.  It flowed out of my pen.  It was so fun but then it was over.  I went home and shredded it.  Better that way.

I still wonder if it will show up as a book or TV series some day.  The criminals milk creative minds for free to fuel the “entertainment system” and deliver “ideas” to perp musicians, writers, screen writers, playwrights, artists, etc…by Voice to Skull or other means.  I’m convinced of it.  I remember a woman who said all her songs were being stolen and used by famous country singers.  Turns out the Country Music Business is rife with perps.

The perps destroyed my fantasy life and told me I could not fantasize anymore–and then I discovered that God didn’t like it either…something about Idolatry and Vain Thoughts.  I resisted giving them up but the perps always interrupted them at the end and then I found out it was not Christian to live in fantasies. Now I live in misery most of the time.  There is very little escape from the mental prison of the perp hell.  They even limit how much of a novel I can read a day. Reading is a good escape that I used to do for at least a couple of hours a day.  Sometimes I’d finish a book in one evening.   I took a year to struggle through the works of Ayn Rand.

The perps even ruin Bible Study.

They (or God) is trying to convince me that video games (another escape but not as good) are forbidden and a road to Hell.

I used to use the fantasies to go to sleep.  I would imagine the people in my fantasies were in the room with me but since I have no fantasies now, I need a pill to sleep.  I have to be very very tired to sleep without meds and the cat does not help by jumping on me all night wanting to go out.  I tried a very strong psych drug for sleep but slept all day and took another 5 hours to really get up so stayed up all night and slept all day.  Now I’m taking a weak sleep aid.  I get 6 to 8 hours of sleep on it, sometimes 5.  At my worst, I had no sleep and would see myself going into Hell every time I drifted off.  I think the perps tried to off me then.

Manual tasks and walks would just whiz by when I was in the “zone”.  Now I find getting motivation for walks difficult.  I was pretty strong (for me) a few years ago but all that conditioning is gone (like the perps like it). Later, I had an Internet radio show that entertained me for awhile on walks, then the perps “forbade” it with a articulate threat that if I EVER listened to this minister again it would even be WORSE than it was before when I could not sleep, nor eat, nor sit still even 5 minutes.  I almost ended up in the looney bin then but since I already heard ti horror stories of looney bins plus my own experience I held on until I broke down and got “meds” and avoided the hospital all together.

I have to keep on music all the time to divert myself from the constant voice to skull.  I don’t like the music as much as I liked the music that fueled my fantasies.  Oh well.


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