Folks, I am reposting the diaries from 1982 I had on my old blog. It is a chronicle of the first few months out of the locked mental hospital I was put into at age 16 for merely not fitting in at school, getting a bad shrink, getting on the wrong drug, attempting suicide, running from the first hospital and getting the lockup hospital at the second, being made a ward of the state, etc…like Alice’s rabbit hole. Here I was, only 16, trying to be “normal” again but finding it hard. Anyone who has ever been locked up or put into a position or place they did not want to be can relate. The first few months were hard, going from job to job and meeting my therapist as much as 2 times a week, plus being on ordered meds from the state. I think I finally quit the meds a few months later and no one noticed. I did not know I was a targetted person that had no future, so here I strove to be better, to get “well”, as if I had been “sick” in the first place. I deal with parents and a shrink that wants to lock me up again, but had a supportive therapist on my side (or so it seemed).
The diary (not all posted yet) starts a month after I run away from the hospital and return home under a “contract” of behavior from the State I had to comply with to stay home and not return to the lockup. It ends in late Fall with not much resolved. I have no idea why I quit the diary, I just did. I tried to go back to school after a few failed jobs and a car accident but left after a week to run again. I never went back to the hospital though, thank God.
There are a couple of entries from 1999 years later and my misery then and a 2007 entry that preceded this diary on my old blog plus long pages of “nutritional information” I found on the Web or somewhere from 2000. I also have a 1998 chronicle of misery but it’s much longer. Guess I thought “journaling” would help.
Please read at least the 1982 part. Lots of parents threw their kids in hospitals back then to “straighten them up” and left them scarred for life. I wish I could get the file from those days. Some kid got a hold of some of our notes one day and I got to read mine and wow, did the person who ran that ward hate me! It was a Miracle of God I got out of there!
P.S. Today, I spent hours reading horror stories of people who have had to put up with worse than I did. It’s hard to tell, but it seems some of them got targetted but it was hid under the guise of ‘mental health treatment”. One story about a happy yuppie housewife, is unbelievable. I read stories about kids who were even less abnormal than I was being put “into the system” drugged and marginalized. Also, I did not know that ADULTS could be forcibly hospitalized against their will for almost nothing.