Do parties and crowds fill you with energy, or send you scurrying for peace and quiet?

As a child an young person I was always excited to be amongst people, especially where there were to be lots of them. Then, I could people watch, feel as if I was part of something bigger than myself and feel corporate emotion such as cheering at a rock concert. I loved to spend extra time with grooming, etc. if I knew there would be lots of people around.  I dreamed of being a “star” when I was young to make up for all the approval and love I was lacking as a child.  I got to be a “star” later on as ti bit in a very bad way.  Everything has changed.

Now, I hate to be around a lot of people. A lot of people is a lot of trouble, a lot of perps. I try and go where I can be alone. There is one place I know in this city where being mostly alone is no problem but I won’t tell. I remember the newscaster describing it on the TV but demurred to give its address saying that “you should find it yourself”. It was not very hard to find and now I notice more and more people are showing up.  Noting remains hidden for long.  I’ve been to parks even more isolated than that one but those are usually far from the bus line.

A few years ago, I was caught there alone in a thunderstorm. It was frightening as there are no shelters there. I stood against this and that to avoid the rain but got very wet and very scared as the lightning flashed overhead. It was one of many thunderstorms I have been caught in walking. I sometimes wonder if God is going to take me out when I’m caught in a bad thunderstorm.

Even if alone, however, “they” can still attack me from the air by doing heli flybys/hovers or the ever present V2k.  I am never “alone”.


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