When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?

This will be quick but not so painless. I can think of various times, isolated times I felt “grown up” but I feel as if I have never grown up, but, rather I am like a cake burnt on the outside but raw on the inside. Aging from without but without ever having properly grown up within. I felt sort of grown up once when, after an absence of a period of years, a man who knew me before said he thought I had matured a lot. A lot had happened in those years in between and more was to come.

As above, I think there is a difference between what makes you feel grown up, responsible, and a full member of society and that which merely makes you feel old, passe and starting to ripen fast. The perps glory in that they made me feel like a “has been” early on in life but they never let me do the growing up and attend the rites of passage people go through to get there with a few exceptions.

I did feel rather grown up when I got my first apartment at the late age of 26. I felt already old when at 33, I went to buy a bottle of liquor and the man did not card and called me ma’am as he handled the transaction.

The rites of passage I have missed are:

1. Bat Mitzvah

2. Sweet Sixteen

3. Prom

4. High School Graduation (though I did attend College graduation exercises).

5.Owning my own car

6.Getting Married; Actually ever having any kind of serious relationship

7. Having Children; Having Grandchildren

8.Owning a Home, actually owning anything of value

The rites of passage I did NOT MISS are first grey hairs, first reading glasses, first wrinkles….etc…I get to have those.  I got to have surgery, a broken bone, a mammogram and a (gasp) colonoscopy.  All the bad and none of the good.


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