Oh, I forgot, my weekend was an ALBUM….

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Are you seeing double my friends??? SEE your eye doctor

By: The Critic

The Critic’s Corner

Dcms2 has finally come out with her new album after a too short 2 year hiatus called “The Weekend”.

I’m frankly very dissappointed.  The album was so execrable I could barely listen to its puling whine over 15 looong tracks.  Every song delivered over a gospel rap beat (dcms2 switched from her dynamic dark metal format two years ago after a spiritual crisis) was an endless plaint over her miserable life with nary a track nor even a line of hope.  For a Christian album this cannot even be said to reach even the low bar of its genre.  If the said album had been put to a metal background with loud roars and power chords I could give it a “C” after 7 pots of coffee, but, as you see a CANNOT do it now.

The album starts with a sick cow bleat called the “Call of the Old Man”, then, two, V2k rap, and the worst of all the tracks, three, “I’m Worthless”.  The next exciting track is called “Daddy called me a Housekeeper” which could be used as an emetic, then track five “I Introduced You” could be used as a potion in our modern execution chambers to kill criminals faster.  Six is the lovely pap called “No Fun”.  It was no fun.

The “best” and I use the word very sparingly and ironically, track on this album is “The Shoes” at position 7:  at least I got a mental picture of what was going on.  She wails “here he was, expectantly looking out–my bile rising up to my mouth–at least it rhymed.  “Store Whores” at eight sounded like Bonnie Raitt and Celine Dion groaning mixed with a dying goat over a soundtrack of cans being stacked (no offense to the fine artists listed above).  Nine, “The Pennies”, made me think of the obvious question at this point: WHY DOES DCMS2 MAKE ME BUY HER STINKY FETID CD?  She should be PAYING me to listen to it.  Radio Head at least offered it’s fine listeners to have their work for FREE.  Ten, “They Still Hate Us” made me want to reincarnate Hitler as a gospel singer to take her down–the charts that is.  (Now I might lose my job as a critic being so Politically Very Incorrect).

Eleven, “The Money They Leave Me” begs the question–“where is MY money for buying this cd”–and twelve, “Broke Now”, made me scream and rip out a piece of my Love Patch.  Thirteen, “My Diet” was NOT food for thought.  Fourteen, “Death at the Movies” was the VERY WORST musical take on the movie theater shooting I have ever heard, actually the only musical take on the movie theater shooting I have ever heard.

The final track and the album’s longest, coming in at a fatal 23:20, DOES SHE NOT UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF FOUR MINUTE TRACK????, is called “I was only vacuuming, Lord”, rounds out this terrible album with a sick death rattle.  Merde, my friends.  I give this album an F-

Available in Stores Everywhere.  Bonus track:  “My Pills” is available to Fan Club members only

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2 thoughts on “Oh, I forgot, my weekend was an ALBUM….

    • Naw, actually I’m a high school dropout that went to community college. I always wanted to write a record review tee hee. I have a book in my head that will never be published, oh well. Everyone has a book in their head, I’ve heard.

      Like

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